Blaine, Shanna and Bryce stayed at our place last night - they brought up Besta and Shanna and I scrapbooked. It was fun and I couldn't resist taking a few pictures of Blaine this morning...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Baby Blaine
Blaine, Shanna and Bryce stayed at our place last night - they brought up Besta and Shanna and I scrapbooked. It was fun and I couldn't resist taking a few pictures of Blaine this morning...
Friday, August 25, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Chester Drawers
Ok...this is pretty funny...I'm just warning you -
So Nathan and I have been married for 4.6 years and I have noticed sometimes when he gets flustered he switches words around...for example...
One day he was venting about work (back in the navy) and said: "That is just the camel that broke the straw's back!" I thought that was funny
He related a story then about how he was on boot camp and someone was being a jerk...he said to them: "You need to pull your a#@ out of your head!"
BUT today takes the cake...earlier Winston hid from us and we thought he got out through the garage door which was cracked...you have to understand, Winston is a COMPLETELY indoor cat...we couldn't find him and we were worried, well Nathan finally found him hiding behind a chest of drawers in the unfinished bedroom in the basement. Tonight while eating dinner, we were talking about 'losing' him and this is how the conversation went:
Nathan: 'Whenever you can't find him just check behind the Chester Drawers"
Me: "Did you just say Chester Drawers?"
Nathan; "Yes, Chester Drawers"
Me: "You retard its Chest Of Drawers, not Chester Drawers" (I know it is not nice to call anyone retard...but it is a term of affection we use..)
Nathan: "I always wondered why it was called Chester Drawers..."
Needless to say I got a pretty good laugh over the whole thing!
Well I need to go to sleep...we have to get up early and get our tuition paid...I ended up changing my schedule a bit - I don't want to overwhelm myself and end of failing classes...so I dropped Statistics and the Interior Design class...I'll take them another time.
So Nathan and I have been married for 4.6 years and I have noticed sometimes when he gets flustered he switches words around...for example...
One day he was venting about work (back in the navy) and said: "That is just the camel that broke the straw's back!" I thought that was funny
He related a story then about how he was on boot camp and someone was being a jerk...he said to them: "You need to pull your a#@ out of your head!"
BUT today takes the cake...earlier Winston hid from us and we thought he got out through the garage door which was cracked...you have to understand, Winston is a COMPLETELY indoor cat...we couldn't find him and we were worried, well Nathan finally found him hiding behind a chest of drawers in the unfinished bedroom in the basement. Tonight while eating dinner, we were talking about 'losing' him and this is how the conversation went:
Nathan: 'Whenever you can't find him just check behind the Chester Drawers"
Me: "Did you just say Chester Drawers?"
Nathan; "Yes, Chester Drawers"
Me: "You retard its Chest Of Drawers, not Chester Drawers" (I know it is not nice to call anyone retard...but it is a term of affection we use..)
Nathan: "I always wondered why it was called Chester Drawers..."
Needless to say I got a pretty good laugh over the whole thing!
Well I need to go to sleep...we have to get up early and get our tuition paid...I ended up changing my schedule a bit - I don't want to overwhelm myself and end of failing classes...so I dropped Statistics and the Interior Design class...I'll take them another time.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
One step forward, two steps back
So I have been doing really well with the whole 'not-having-a-baby-but-being-around-pregnant-women-and babies-all-the-time' thing...and I have been having a great time with my new cute nephew, Blaine...but I hit a bump in the road today.
I was at work (baby place) and about an hour before closing a girl came in with two guys (hubby and brother) to pick up her crib she had ordered...now as a salesperson I am trained to 'engage' the customer and the best way to do so with a pregnant woman is to ask her due date...hers was October 9th - when she said it I felt as if I was sucker punched...that was the due date (that and the 8th) that I was given to me by my dr's office when I was pregnant. I had to try really hard to finish our conversation and then move away so I wouldn't cry right then and there...I couldn't even look at her - I just saw her pregnant belly and wished it was mine...wished the crib she was picking up was mine and wished that I was still pregnant...
I was upset (obviously) but for 2 reasons...the first being the obvious longing for my dead baby (sorry so blunt) - but the second, I felt bad because I had come so far with the whole thing since February...I mean if you would have told me then that I would be working at a baby store and oogling over my nephew I would have knocked your lights out...so I feel as if I have taken a few steps back today - and that sucks...
I was at work (baby place) and about an hour before closing a girl came in with two guys (hubby and brother) to pick up her crib she had ordered...now as a salesperson I am trained to 'engage' the customer and the best way to do so with a pregnant woman is to ask her due date...hers was October 9th - when she said it I felt as if I was sucker punched...that was the due date (that and the 8th) that I was given to me by my dr's office when I was pregnant. I had to try really hard to finish our conversation and then move away so I wouldn't cry right then and there...I couldn't even look at her - I just saw her pregnant belly and wished it was mine...wished the crib she was picking up was mine and wished that I was still pregnant...
I was upset (obviously) but for 2 reasons...the first being the obvious longing for my dead baby (sorry so blunt) - but the second, I felt bad because I had come so far with the whole thing since February...I mean if you would have told me then that I would be working at a baby store and oogling over my nephew I would have knocked your lights out...so I feel as if I have taken a few steps back today - and that sucks...
Friday, August 18, 2006
Creativity and Praise
I officially LOVE my job at the jewelry store! The woman I work for/with is so great - she embraces creativity and rewards it with praise. She actually values my opinion and it makes me feel so good...it is quite different from my other job...there I feel just like a number - and any suggestions I have are not taken seriously...
I think that THE MOST important thing you can do as a boss is praise your employees when they deserve it - it is much more effective than scolding...I learned that in my Behavioral Psychology class in college - Positive Reinforcement is more effective in predicting behavior than Punishment.
I have been feeling quite off lately...this morning I woke at 8 but then went back to sleep because I felt SO tired, then I got back up was doing some things, walked into the closet to grab my clothes for work and everything went black...I have been feeling quite dizzy the last couple days and kinda nauseous today - I wonder if I ate something weird. I got so worried this morning that I shut off the AC and opened all the windows thinking I was suffering from Carbon Monoxide Poisoning or something.
Well I had better get to sleep - I have a long day tomorrow.
Holly
I think that THE MOST important thing you can do as a boss is praise your employees when they deserve it - it is much more effective than scolding...I learned that in my Behavioral Psychology class in college - Positive Reinforcement is more effective in predicting behavior than Punishment.
I have been feeling quite off lately...this morning I woke at 8 but then went back to sleep because I felt SO tired, then I got back up was doing some things, walked into the closet to grab my clothes for work and everything went black...I have been feeling quite dizzy the last couple days and kinda nauseous today - I wonder if I ate something weird. I got so worried this morning that I shut off the AC and opened all the windows thinking I was suffering from Carbon Monoxide Poisoning or something.
Well I had better get to sleep - I have a long day tomorrow.
Holly
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Mod Squad
I have been playing around with my new Mac and I took this pretty wicked picture with Photo Booth...and I wanted to share...
I think I should get it blown up HUGE and hang it in my scrapbook room...whaddaya think?
I think I should get it blown up HUGE and hang it in my scrapbook room...whaddaya think?
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Heat Stroke and other ramblings
Nathan and I got to spend Friday and Saturday camping with family. It was good, but both of us ended up sick...too much sun is the likely culprit. I guess when your body is used to being right at sea level and then is put in the hot sun at 5000 ft above sea level for a whole day it kinda freaks out...I have a wicked nasty sunburn (like almost purple...nasty) and I slept most of yesterday (except bathroom visits and a small breakfast) and then laid pretty low today too...both of us feel yucky - light-headed, achey, tired and just plain bad....
As the day progressed we felt a little better...but not 100% yet. We just keep downing the water and resting, hopefully tomorrow will be a little better...
But the weekend was fun...there was a 'dance' Friday night and man did I dance...I must have burned 1000 calories! It felt good to just goof off and be myself - and my brother Brad is quite the goof also...he even did a pole dance for us - Nathan got it on tape just in case we ever need blackmail material later on... ;)
I can't believe it is already August 14th...time has flown by. It seems like only yesterday I was getting up to go to work in Newport...I had a bad week last week as far as missing everyone back there goes...I made some great friends and it has been hard not to have them around - for simple things like going to the movies or BBQing in the yard...I count myself very lucky to have technology nowadays - so I can keep in contact with them.
It looks as though we will be getting a dog...one of my brothers currently has 3 dogs and the city where he lives has a restriction that says you can only have 2 unless you have a kennel license...which is expensive so he is trying to find a home for one of them...he is only a year old, already fixed and up-to-date- on his shots...his name is Besta - he is a mutt but looks like a rottweiler. We have been over to his house a few times to play with the dog and he is such a good one...a big floppy lovey dog. It will be nice to have a dog, as it will motivate us to go for walks more often...
Well I better get to bed, I have to be to work early tomorrow...
As the day progressed we felt a little better...but not 100% yet. We just keep downing the water and resting, hopefully tomorrow will be a little better...
But the weekend was fun...there was a 'dance' Friday night and man did I dance...I must have burned 1000 calories! It felt good to just goof off and be myself - and my brother Brad is quite the goof also...he even did a pole dance for us - Nathan got it on tape just in case we ever need blackmail material later on... ;)
I can't believe it is already August 14th...time has flown by. It seems like only yesterday I was getting up to go to work in Newport...I had a bad week last week as far as missing everyone back there goes...I made some great friends and it has been hard not to have them around - for simple things like going to the movies or BBQing in the yard...I count myself very lucky to have technology nowadays - so I can keep in contact with them.
It looks as though we will be getting a dog...one of my brothers currently has 3 dogs and the city where he lives has a restriction that says you can only have 2 unless you have a kennel license...which is expensive so he is trying to find a home for one of them...he is only a year old, already fixed and up-to-date- on his shots...his name is Besta - he is a mutt but looks like a rottweiler. We have been over to his house a few times to play with the dog and he is such a good one...a big floppy lovey dog. It will be nice to have a dog, as it will motivate us to go for walks more often...
Well I better get to bed, I have to be to work early tomorrow...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
New House, Segment 7: Kitchen and Dining - My Favorite!!
Ok...I have saved the best for last...I LOVE our kitchen...there are still a couple things I would like...a red Kitchenaid mixer for instance...**hint hint** and a red four-slice Kitchenaid toaster...but I like it so far.
I made the curtains, I looked all over and couldn't find just what I wanted to I bought red linen and made them myself! There is a little sign behind the sink that says "I Love a Man with Dishpan Hands"
I have that annoying little space above the cabinets so I decided to put it to good use...and I decorated it! :)
I made this cute stool after we realized we couldn't get to the cabinets above the fridge without one...cute huh??
This is the dining room...I made this curtain also...I love the photo collage on the wall, I find myself standing at it often, reminiscing.
New House, Segment 6: Office/Exercise Room
This room, also has not been decorated...except adding the furniture and the one picture on the wall...eventually a Canadian Flag will be hung, new paint for walls and desk, etc...
The treadmill, total gym and bike were excellent garage sale finds - thanks dad - and I found the mini stepper on eBay...so far they have been used pretty good...not as much as I wish I was motivated to use them, but at least they are not gathering dust!
The treadmill, total gym and bike were excellent garage sale finds - thanks dad - and I found the mini stepper on eBay...so far they have been used pretty good...not as much as I wish I was motivated to use them, but at least they are not gathering dust!
New House, Segment 5: Family Rm & Laundry
Ok...these haven't really been decorated yet...we ran out of 'decorating money'...so they will have to wait for a while...
Our family room is Nathan's playground...he hooked up his surround sound so when we watch movies like Lord of the Rings we can feel the couch move with large impacts on screen...We also decided to put the piano in here as it seemed like too monstorous a chore to lug the beast up the split-entry stairs...
Our laundry room is simple and small...more like a laundry closet...but it serves it's purpose...but I think we have a way cool dryer...have you ever seen one that spins like that?
Our family room is Nathan's playground...he hooked up his surround sound so when we watch movies like Lord of the Rings we can feel the couch move with large impacts on screen...We also decided to put the piano in here as it seemed like too monstorous a chore to lug the beast up the split-entry stairs...
Our laundry room is simple and small...more like a laundry closet...but it serves it's purpose...but I think we have a way cool dryer...have you ever seen one that spins like that?
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
how embarrasing...
I was reading someone else's blog and they mentioned some pretty embarrasing stories...and got me thinking of my own moments during which I wish the earth could have swallowed me whole to avoid the embarrasement that was sure to follow...so I thought, why not share...everyoone needs a good laugh now and then...BUT the deal is, if you read, you too must share - via the comment section - because I am not the only one getting embarrased today!
Ok...so I was a bit of a band nerd in High School and College...ok, more than a bit...I was a BIG band nerd...
My freshman year at college I was on the USU drumline. We were practicing our first day at drum camp out on a patch of grass and it was getting late and we were all tired and hungry..well JT (our leader) was NOT going to stop yet...so we were marching around fast and crazy and I tripped...and within a matter of milliseconds the entire drumline was on the ground...a guy named Jeff (funny, funny guy) yelled "The Hell?" - complete with a southern accent, hysterical - it became the catch-phrase of the season - anyway there was some blood and one guy actually needed stitches and there were many bruises...when they found out it was me, man I NEVER lived that one down...way to make a great first impression huh? oh, but the funniest part was there were a couple old people watching us practice and when we fell they all just kinda looked around and walked away - he he he
So then my sophomore year I was on the drumline again...and we were marching from the practice field to the stadium right before the game and I totally biffed it...dented my drums (I marched the tenors/quads...big nasty 45lb things), ripped holes in the knees of my uniform and I did it in front of the ENTIRE USU football team...to make matters worse (as if they could have been) the team doctor took me into the team's locker room to fix my knee up...talk about embarrased...
So by now I had earned the nickname 'trip' and everyone always joked about it and teased me...
Junior year comes along and This one time at Band Camp we were doing drills on the hot pavement and it was almost lunch-time (once again, not good to leave me hungry) and I tripped (couldn't let the pattern die now could I) and got pretty nasty road-rash on my knees - in fact I still have a ocuple tiny bits of asphalt stick in my left knee - blood was running down my legs, soaking my socks but T Rohrer was not going to let me get out of marching...so at lunch I hobbled to my friend Jenny's apartment and she tried to get all the asphalt out of my knees...you know how sometimes something hurts so bad you feel like you want to throw-up...that is how this felt. At least the first time I fell it was on grass...and the second I had pants on...this time there was nothing inbetween my knees and the 105 degree asphalt...OUCH!
Nathan still calls me trip...and I don't let him down, about every other month or so I trip on something...stupid feet
Ok, I have shared - now you must too...bring 'em on!
Ok...so I was a bit of a band nerd in High School and College...ok, more than a bit...I was a BIG band nerd...
My freshman year at college I was on the USU drumline. We were practicing our first day at drum camp out on a patch of grass and it was getting late and we were all tired and hungry..well JT (our leader) was NOT going to stop yet...so we were marching around fast and crazy and I tripped...and within a matter of milliseconds the entire drumline was on the ground...a guy named Jeff (funny, funny guy) yelled "The Hell?" - complete with a southern accent, hysterical - it became the catch-phrase of the season - anyway there was some blood and one guy actually needed stitches and there were many bruises...when they found out it was me, man I NEVER lived that one down...way to make a great first impression huh? oh, but the funniest part was there were a couple old people watching us practice and when we fell they all just kinda looked around and walked away - he he he
So then my sophomore year I was on the drumline again...and we were marching from the practice field to the stadium right before the game and I totally biffed it...dented my drums (I marched the tenors/quads...big nasty 45lb things), ripped holes in the knees of my uniform and I did it in front of the ENTIRE USU football team...to make matters worse (as if they could have been) the team doctor took me into the team's locker room to fix my knee up...talk about embarrased...
So by now I had earned the nickname 'trip' and everyone always joked about it and teased me...
Junior year comes along and This one time at Band Camp we were doing drills on the hot pavement and it was almost lunch-time (once again, not good to leave me hungry) and I tripped (couldn't let the pattern die now could I) and got pretty nasty road-rash on my knees - in fact I still have a ocuple tiny bits of asphalt stick in my left knee - blood was running down my legs, soaking my socks but T Rohrer was not going to let me get out of marching...so at lunch I hobbled to my friend Jenny's apartment and she tried to get all the asphalt out of my knees...you know how sometimes something hurts so bad you feel like you want to throw-up...that is how this felt. At least the first time I fell it was on grass...and the second I had pants on...this time there was nothing inbetween my knees and the 105 degree asphalt...OUCH!
Nathan still calls me trip...and I don't let him down, about every other month or so I trip on something...stupid feet
Ok, I have shared - now you must too...bring 'em on!
Lucky coincidence?? I think not
So I had today off, and I was sleeping late (I have been SUPER tired this week) - the doorbell rang so I got up, but it was only some stupid lady trying to sell us a refinance program...Luckily my phone started ringing so I got out of it...and it was my really-close-love-her-to-death-wish-she-were-here-friend Heather calling from Italy! I haven't gotten to talk to her since she moved in the spring...It was exactly what I needed today.
Then the whole thing got me thinking...I didn't know I had today off until yesterday afternoon...and normally when I am in my coveted state of sleep if the phone rings I won't answer it...so how lucky am I that the doorbell rang right before she called!?!? Maybe it was not luck at all...
Then the whole thing got me thinking...I didn't know I had today off until yesterday afternoon...and normally when I am in my coveted state of sleep if the phone rings I won't answer it...so how lucky am I that the doorbell rang right before she called!?!? Maybe it was not luck at all...
Lonliness
Well work is going ok...I get to start at the jewelry store on Thursday so that should be fun...otherwise things are slowly moving along...
We went to a baseball game last night with Nathan's best friend and his wife...it was SO fun...His friend is such a heckler....makes fun of everyone and I really think it helps...I swear more than once you could tell he was for sure 'in their heads'...needless to say we laughed pretty hard...so my abs got quite the workout and are a tiny bit sore today.
I am still feeling a bit lonely here, not that I don't know people, I just don't feel like I have a close friend close by (geographically)...I have 3 or 4 that I could call at any time and talk to, but sometimes it just isn't the same, ya know?? One of my super-close friends said there might be a chance she could move closer to me, which would be awesome...but I'm not holding my breath, as it isn't 100% in their control...
Well, Winston is DEMANDING my attention as I have been gone most of the day...so I must go play with the fur baby.
We went to a baseball game last night with Nathan's best friend and his wife...it was SO fun...His friend is such a heckler....makes fun of everyone and I really think it helps...I swear more than once you could tell he was for sure 'in their heads'...needless to say we laughed pretty hard...so my abs got quite the workout and are a tiny bit sore today.
I am still feeling a bit lonely here, not that I don't know people, I just don't feel like I have a close friend close by (geographically)...I have 3 or 4 that I could call at any time and talk to, but sometimes it just isn't the same, ya know?? One of my super-close friends said there might be a chance she could move closer to me, which would be awesome...but I'm not holding my breath, as it isn't 100% in their control...
Well, Winston is DEMANDING my attention as I have been gone most of the day...so I must go play with the fur baby.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
the grass is always greener
...ok, so after working one day I decided that I do not want to work anymore...I want to be a stay at home mom to my kitty...although our current financial situation really does not permit this...that is where I hope to be eventually someday - and someday soon!
You know it is funny...growing up I didn't really want kids and when we were first married Nathan seemed kinda shocked by this - him coming from a very large family. I wanted the career and an office and the business suits and heels and stockings...the whole bit - I actually wanted to work for the secret service or FBI...well after I got married I don't know what happened...it was like a 'mother' light turned on in my brain and all-of-a-sudden I wanted to have kids...but only 2, maybe 3 max... But as time goes on and the harder it is for us to have children, the more children I find that I want...now I would like 5 or 6...maybe even 7 (call me crazy)...
So my question is: What is it about human nature that makes us always want what we don't have?? How come we are never satisfied...we always want a different house or car or neighbor or job...yet when we get these things we want still something else...
I know the answer is something like: You will never be happy in your current situation until you are truly happy with yourself...but how do we get to that point?? How do we conquer the inner voices always complaining about what we don't have or do have and wish we didn't??
You know it is funny...growing up I didn't really want kids and when we were first married Nathan seemed kinda shocked by this - him coming from a very large family. I wanted the career and an office and the business suits and heels and stockings...the whole bit - I actually wanted to work for the secret service or FBI...well after I got married I don't know what happened...it was like a 'mother' light turned on in my brain and all-of-a-sudden I wanted to have kids...but only 2, maybe 3 max... But as time goes on and the harder it is for us to have children, the more children I find that I want...now I would like 5 or 6...maybe even 7 (call me crazy)...
So my question is: What is it about human nature that makes us always want what we don't have?? How come we are never satisfied...we always want a different house or car or neighbor or job...yet when we get these things we want still something else...
I know the answer is something like: You will never be happy in your current situation until you are truly happy with yourself...but how do we get to that point?? How do we conquer the inner voices always complaining about what we don't have or do have and wish we didn't??
Friday, August 04, 2006
WoooHooo!
I FINALLY have a job...we have been in our new house/state for over 2 months and now I FINALLY have a job - one that was offered to me and they really meant it! :)
I will be working Mondays at a jewelry store (owned by the same family as the baby place) and on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday at the baby place. I will be able to make commission -hello engagement rings!- and I even get a discount! Yippee...
He (owner) brought me to his house last night to meet his younger brother/partner and his wife/other partner and they offered me the job on the spot...they mentioned how excited they were that when it came time to order new inventory for jewelry that I would be a great asset because I would be able to help them with what was 'in'...how cool am I?
Well I must go make myself presentable...I start TODAY! :) Poor Winston, he is not going to know what hit him...being all alone now >^..^<
I will be working Mondays at a jewelry store (owned by the same family as the baby place) and on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday at the baby place. I will be able to make commission -hello engagement rings!- and I even get a discount! Yippee...
He (owner) brought me to his house last night to meet his younger brother/partner and his wife/other partner and they offered me the job on the spot...they mentioned how excited they were that when it came time to order new inventory for jewelry that I would be a great asset because I would be able to help them with what was 'in'...how cool am I?
Well I must go make myself presentable...I start TODAY! :) Poor Winston, he is not going to know what hit him...being all alone now >^..^<
Thursday, August 03, 2006
...ok, maybe you were right...
So, you know how sometimes somebody tells you something and you think "you couldn't be farther off base?!?" and then it turns out they were actually right?? Take a trip with me down 'therapy lane'....
In Rhode Island I was priveliged enough to meet with a therapist pretty regularly...(like every-other week or so)...she was excellent...in fact her name was Holly too...that must have had something to do with it! :) Anyway...we would discuss whatever was bothering be at the time and after I lost the baby and I found out Shanna was pregnant I really needed to go see her and while we were talking and I was telling her how I didn't want to move here because then I would be close to them, and the reminder would be too painful, etc. She said to me..."you don't have to do anything you don't want to...but just keep an open mind because your thoughts may all change when you see and hold the baby for the first time." So I nodded and said ok while inside I was thinking...'you wack job'...I had actually had several people tell me this and I thought they were all crazy...
So time rolled on and we came out to house-hunt and I saw her 'pregnant' for the first time and it was hard...I cried for 3 or 4 hours that night...and I saw her a month or so later when we moved in and I cried again...and then the baby shower...more tears...and all the while I am thinking...these crazy people actually think I am going to be OK??? and soon?!? Then the baby is born and I actually felt angry...and wished harm upon all of them...Bryce, Shanna and baby Blaine...then my loving, caring, ever-so-knowledgeable husband intervened. He said we needed to go down and see them once they got home from the hospital...so I called and set it up - we were going to go down after church on Sunday (I didn't just want to drop in unexpected...that is so rude)...we went down and as we walked in the house I saw Shanna hand Bryce the baby and he swaddled it and he stopped fussing...this is Bryce, my little candy-loving, soda-drinking, LITTLE brother who used to paint nipples on my Barbies with red fingernail polish...and he had all of a sudden become a dad - it was amazing.
We stayed for a while and I got to hold Blaine and so did Nathan...we took pictures (which we made a SUPER cute movie with on our new Macs) and made some small chat with Bryce & Shanna...and although it was really boring/stupid small chat it was the most we had spoken since this whole thing started back in February...I drove home feeling a little better...then today came around and for no apparent reason I had them on my mind...and I asked Nathan if we could go down after he got home from work...he said yes so we called them, picked up Chinese food on the way down and stopped by...and we stayed for about 3 hours...I got to hold Blaine a lot of (ok...most of) the time :) and I even got him to calm down when he was fussy...I swaddled him like I read in on of my many baby books...he was so sweet, just melted into me and went to sleep...and Bryce, Shanna, Nathan and I had such an ADULT conversation - about world events and illegal immigrants (grrr) and welfare and food stamps and school...it was the most adult conversation I have EVER had with them...and it felt really great.
Well Nathan finally made us leave (grrr...some poor 'excuse' about how he has to get up at 5am to go to work...) and as we drove away I felt so good inside...I explained it to Nathan like this - that all the horrible feelings I had been feeling had been cankering my soul and by finally working through everything I felt I had been able to cleanse those wounds and begin to heal...I felt like I had just left a great therapy session with Holly... (miss her tons by the way)
So I think I have just taken a major step in 'growing up'...and coming to accept the fact that we may never have children and yet others will...and that's ok. Not that I won't have tough moments in the future...but they should be a little less hard to bear...I am thankful that God has helped be get to this point - and hope he'll carry me to the end.
In Rhode Island I was priveliged enough to meet with a therapist pretty regularly...(like every-other week or so)...she was excellent...in fact her name was Holly too...that must have had something to do with it! :) Anyway...we would discuss whatever was bothering be at the time and after I lost the baby and I found out Shanna was pregnant I really needed to go see her and while we were talking and I was telling her how I didn't want to move here because then I would be close to them, and the reminder would be too painful, etc. She said to me..."you don't have to do anything you don't want to...but just keep an open mind because your thoughts may all change when you see and hold the baby for the first time." So I nodded and said ok while inside I was thinking...'you wack job'...I had actually had several people tell me this and I thought they were all crazy...
So time rolled on and we came out to house-hunt and I saw her 'pregnant' for the first time and it was hard...I cried for 3 or 4 hours that night...and I saw her a month or so later when we moved in and I cried again...and then the baby shower...more tears...and all the while I am thinking...these crazy people actually think I am going to be OK??? and soon?!? Then the baby is born and I actually felt angry...and wished harm upon all of them...Bryce, Shanna and baby Blaine...then my loving, caring, ever-so-knowledgeable husband intervened. He said we needed to go down and see them once they got home from the hospital...so I called and set it up - we were going to go down after church on Sunday (I didn't just want to drop in unexpected...that is so rude)...we went down and as we walked in the house I saw Shanna hand Bryce the baby and he swaddled it and he stopped fussing...this is Bryce, my little candy-loving, soda-drinking, LITTLE brother who used to paint nipples on my Barbies with red fingernail polish...and he had all of a sudden become a dad - it was amazing.
We stayed for a while and I got to hold Blaine and so did Nathan...we took pictures (which we made a SUPER cute movie with on our new Macs) and made some small chat with Bryce & Shanna...and although it was really boring/stupid small chat it was the most we had spoken since this whole thing started back in February...I drove home feeling a little better...then today came around and for no apparent reason I had them on my mind...and I asked Nathan if we could go down after he got home from work...he said yes so we called them, picked up Chinese food on the way down and stopped by...and we stayed for about 3 hours...I got to hold Blaine a lot of (ok...most of) the time :) and I even got him to calm down when he was fussy...I swaddled him like I read in on of my many baby books...he was so sweet, just melted into me and went to sleep...and Bryce, Shanna, Nathan and I had such an ADULT conversation - about world events and illegal immigrants (grrr) and welfare and food stamps and school...it was the most adult conversation I have EVER had with them...and it felt really great.
Well Nathan finally made us leave (grrr...some poor 'excuse' about how he has to get up at 5am to go to work...) and as we drove away I felt so good inside...I explained it to Nathan like this - that all the horrible feelings I had been feeling had been cankering my soul and by finally working through everything I felt I had been able to cleanse those wounds and begin to heal...I felt like I had just left a great therapy session with Holly... (miss her tons by the way)
So I think I have just taken a major step in 'growing up'...and coming to accept the fact that we may never have children and yet others will...and that's ok. Not that I won't have tough moments in the future...but they should be a little less hard to bear...I am thankful that God has helped be get to this point - and hope he'll carry me to the end.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
New House, Segment 4: The Scrapbook Room! :)
Ok...so this room is HANDS DOWN my favorite room in the house...not because of color (although I do love pink) but because I spend most of my time in here...I love to scrapbook and be crafty... plus it is in the basement so it doesn't get as hot as upstairs...a major plus as of late.
The pic above is my IKEA bookcase...it has turned out to be the BEST scrapbook/craft stuff organizer... So as you can see I have quite a bit of stuff...and the room is not spotless clean because I am always doing something that I don't want to put away until I'm done - that is the beauty of having a whole seperate room for this type of thing!
The pic above is the closet...I put up a curtain rod and long tab-top curtains right inside the closet to act as doors...they give the room a softer, more 'girl-y' feel...plus they take up less space than actual doors...All my Stampin' Up! stuff is in the closet...along with all my sewing notions (in the drawer thingy on the left)
This is right outside the door to my scrapbook room...Nathan and the missionaries built this for our kitties back when we first moved to Rhode Island...and it is Winston's FAVORITE nap spot...he snoozes while mamma scrapbooks.
New House, Segment 3: Living Room
The Living Room walls are kind of a chocolate milk color...they are a little darker than the pictures show...
Above the mirror and two pictures (wedding) there are grapevine swags and red berries...The chair that you see (the pink one) will not be pink...as soon as we get the money to recover it...it is a great chair, it swivels, and rocks and has arm-rests (invaluable, or so I am told, when you are nursing babies)... I am actually leaning towards a matte black velour as of late - but we'll see once the time comes to actually recover it..
Also, the wall behind the mirror and pictures will not remain chocolate brown...it will be a deep olive green...as soon as I get the money and motivation to paint it...
The three starfish in the frame are all starfish that I found in Rhode Island. One from Rose Island, one from Coaster Island (the base) and one from Brenton Point. I found the shadow box frame at Michaels and it works perfectly.
This is the entryway...it is a split-entry house so there is a small landing inside the door, from which you can go downstairs (into the familyroom) or upstairs (into the livingroom).
Above the mirror and two pictures (wedding) there are grapevine swags and red berries...The chair that you see (the pink one) will not be pink...as soon as we get the money to recover it...it is a great chair, it swivels, and rocks and has arm-rests (invaluable, or so I am told, when you are nursing babies)... I am actually leaning towards a matte black velour as of late - but we'll see once the time comes to actually recover it..
Also, the wall behind the mirror and pictures will not remain chocolate brown...it will be a deep olive green...as soon as I get the money and motivation to paint it...
The three starfish in the frame are all starfish that I found in Rhode Island. One from Rose Island, one from Coaster Island (the base) and one from Brenton Point. I found the shadow box frame at Michaels and it works perfectly.
This is the entryway...it is a split-entry house so there is a small landing inside the door, from which you can go downstairs (into the familyroom) or upstairs (into the livingroom).
New House, Segment 2: Bathroom
Our bathroom is still in progress...the previous owners had the trim and ceiling painted a really weird color...the ceiling has been started (Repainted) but the rest is coming. - But it is good for now...
The neat 'rain' shower head was already there but we installed the curved rod to give you extra space - and it is GREAT!
The bathroom is pretty good size, but compared to our Taj Mahal bathroom in Newport it looks like a broom closet! he he...those of you who saw our bathroom understand...
Oh, and here is a pic of one of Winston's favorite nap spots...yep, the bath tub...
The neat 'rain' shower head was already there but we installed the curved rod to give you extra space - and it is GREAT!
The bathroom is pretty good size, but compared to our Taj Mahal bathroom in Newport it looks like a broom closet! he he...those of you who saw our bathroom understand...
Oh, and here is a pic of one of Winston's favorite nap spots...yep, the bath tub...
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