Roots or Wings

It doesn't happen much.  In fact, the opposite happens more frequently...but every once in a while I itch for stability.  It is usually triggered by a friend's post about a new house or a photo of a group of friends who have been friends and lived near each other for more years than you can count on both hands.  I can't tell you what sparked this most current longing, but it is sparked none the less.  I find myself longing for a house with a leaky faucet that needs fixing and a basement to fill with holiday decorations.  A lawn that needs mowed and a tub that needs caulked.  A yard with a large oak tree perfect for building a tree house.  I find myself wanting that secure feeling of roots.  Knowing that you can buy that table or couch or whatever and not have to figure out what piece of furniture you'll throw out to compensate for the increase in the weight of your household goods. (we are given a limit and have to stay under it for our moves or we pay the extra out of pocket)  Knowing that we could buy that expensive rug or piece of furniture and not have to worry if it would fit in our next house.  Knowing that the fine china I want to collect won't be broken in our next move.  Hoping to be able to do all those cute little home improvement projects I see on Pinterest.  I wish we had a neighbor who had a son also Miles' ago who he could be friends with from now until high school graduation.  I wish we had a neighborhood that held a traditional 4th of July block party, and had trick-or-treaters for Halloween, and streets lined with houses covered with Christmas lights. 

Nathan echoed some of these same sentiments today while we were cleaning up dinner.  We know that we are blessed beyond measure to live this Navy lifestyle.  It affords us the great opportunity to see many things we never dreamed of seeing, and the chance to live where others go on vacation.  BUT, you can't have both roots and wings (name that movie).  Ours is a winged lifestyle, it always has been and always will be (at least until retirement in 12 years) and I wouldn't change it for the world. But still I find myself longing for a porch swing where I can sit and watch Miles play in the yard with his best friend and an attic in which to store the memories. 

Excuses

A couple of conversations I've had the last few days have really got me thinking.  I have wanted to be back at a healthy, skinny weight for a long time.  But I always had excuses.  It was too hard, I have PCOS, I don't have a gym membership, I have a baby, I work too much, it's too hot, it's too cold, my knees hurt, blah, blah, blah...

The painful, honest truth?  

I didn't want it bad enough.  

I wanted immediate gratification things NOW instead of a bigger, lasting things LATER.  I wanted that can of Coke or bowl of pasta or extra hour sleeping in or that second piece of cake...I wanted it all more than being healthy and fit and strong.  And for a long time that was ok with me.  I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd be that weight forever.  That there was "nothing I could do about it".  

Then something happened. 

A few months ago I was sitting with Miles as he was playing in his room.  For no reason at all he turned, giggled, and ran to me arms outstretched...it was the first time he spontaneously gave me a hug.  My heart melted.  And in one clear, crystallized moment I realized that my selfish, excuse filled choices were now not only going to affect my future, but his as well.  I was making the conscious choice to shorten my life.  I was consciously CHOOSING to make my son have to bury his mother early.  And I knew I had to change.  

 

I was going to give no more excuses.  I signed up with Isagenix; threw out all the Coke, candy, chips, cake mixes, ice cream in our house; I made a vision board; and I got my butt in gear.  

It's been 34 days and I'm down 19.5bs.  It hasn't been easy.  It has meant some MAJOR sacrificing.  It has meant sitting at a baby shower with my bottle of water, watching everyone else eat cupcakes.   It has meant declining dinner invitations.  It has meant dragging my sorry butt out of bed and getting some exercise...even when I'm tired and even when my knee hurts (I've got bursitis...ouch!).  It has meant putting lots of time and energy into meal planning.  It has meant sitting at the dinner table feeding Miles his yummy pasta dinner while I sip my (also yummy...but not the same) dinner shake.  

But you know what?  I don't care.  I am getting healthy.  My body fat percentage is going down, I'm losing weight, I have LOTS more energy, I feel less stressed, I am happier...and I have no more excuses.  

I challenge you to free yourself from your excuses.  It. is. liberating.

30 sure was a good one

On the eve of my birthday last year I got quite emotional.  I was no where near where I thought I would be when I hit my landmark birthday.  I felt like a failure.  I had no degree, no children, no career...it was tough.  Especially watching friends from high school each turning 30 and being surrounded by children or working at fabulous jobs...it seemed to make me all the more melancholy.   I lamented on Facebook and my friend Jamie told me that turning 30 was awesome for her.  Turns out, turning 30 was pretty awesome for me too.  This year was amazing.  No, more than amazing...perfect.  Sure I got sick, and we had that whole Georgia mess...but we also got Miles, were able to spend almost TWO MONTHS with family, found out we're moving to Italy, Nathan got promoted...and that's just the big stuff. 

Now I sit here on the eve of my 31st birthday and I am so grateful for the year I've had.  I've also learned a few things...can I share them with you? 

Never try and plan your life out -

you'll just stress yourself out and

miss the little things along the way. 

 

Even in the depths of sorrow

there are still beautiful things in life

...they are just harder to find.  

Keep looking. 

 

Hold on to hope.

When things get tough just remember

it is always darkest before the dawn.

A random act of kindness is the 

best mood booster out there.

I guarantee it.   

 

The size of your jeans should not

determine how you feel about yourself.

You are beautiful.

Thank you to all my family, friends, blog buddies and online adoption peeps who have helped make this year so perfect for us.  Here's hoping this year is just as great!