Being prepared

Ok all my mommy friends, I need your advice.  We are trying to be prepared for when we do get a kid (in case it is wicked little notice) and we're doing pretty good...have you seen that gorgeous nursery??  We have some clothes (all tiny size and all matching pink and blue...but hey, at least we're prepared for both now) and a crib and plenty of bottles (we were prepared for strictly formula feeding twins...) and pacifiers and tons and tons and tons of blankets and burp cloths.  Some things I know exactly what I want (like car seat, stroller, swing) but there are a few things that just have me stumped:  bathtub, diapers and playpen.  So I'm curious what those of you who've served in the trenches of motherhood have to say.

#1 - Bathtub
Let me preface this one by saying that there is NO WAY that our kitchen sink will function as a bathing center.  My OCD will just not allow it...it gives me the heebie-ma-jeebies.  So this leads me to the dilemma.  Do I need a bathtub?  The sink in our hall bathroom is kinda like a tub...you can see it here.  I also have THIS tub already, but it won't be any good until a baby can sit on their own.  (And yes I know that even then, a child should never be left alone in the tub.)  So what do you say?  Do I use the bathroom sink until they are big enough for the duck tub or so I spring for a tub?   If I do get a tub, I like The Tummy Tub, I've heard really good things about it.

 #2 - Diapers
I would love to be the mom that could do cloth diapers...but I honestly don't think I'm that mom.  But with that said, the thought of mounds and mounds of my child's diapers being sent to rot in landfills for the rest of time or until they are burned in a nuclear winter??  Makes me sick to my stomach.  So I started searching for alternatives...and I found G Diapers.  I love them...but I want to know first hand experience from someone who has used them.  They have the option for cloth inserts, should my opinions change, but the disposable inserts are FLUSHABLE, compostable or if thrown out they biodegrade completely within a year.   If you haven't heard of G Diapers, there are some great videos on YouTube...here is a good one.

#3 - Playpen
Do I really need one?  We live in a 2 bedroom urban apartment...the nursery is less than 10 steps from either our room or the main living area.  So needing one as a second sleeping spot isn't needed (we have a cute bassinet already...for use those first weeks...something we can keep in our room), and the other time I can think that we would need one is when we visit family.  But both our parents have cribs at their house and we'd be the only ones needing to use them...so we won't need one for that either.  But here comes the sticky question...um, not sure how to word this one.   So, say I wanna take a shower or use the bathroom or prep dinner and my super active crawler baby is awake and I need someplace to um, contain them...would I want a playpen for that?  And I'm guessing that the models with attached bassinets (keeping in mind our living situation) would be a waste of money, right?  I like The Joovy Room2 cause it's big...so it would be useful as our child grows. 

Ok, so to recap:
1 - Do I need a tub?
2 - G Diapers...used them?
3 - Playpen...yes or no?


(Also - just to divert any questions and squelch curiosity we are not matched with a birthmother, we have NO situations on the horizon...we haven't heard so much as a squeak from anyone since our failed adoption.  I just figured while we're waiting we can pick up some things we'll need and start stockpiling diapers)

Girl's Weekend

We have had a busy few weeks at our house.   First off: the great city of Chicago played host to our first (of hopefully many) Girl's Weekend!  My mom and my three sister-in-laws flew in from Utah and we spent the next four and a half days playing.  We went to Six Flags, stimulated the economy at the outlet mall, did some sightseeing downtown, saw the Botanical Gardens....and ate a lot of yummy food.

Here are some of my favorite pics from the week:

I know the pictures they take on rides are for suckers.  Well, call me suckered...I just couldn't resist this one.  Bottom row: Me, Shanna, Mom (L-freakin-OL!), Kass and Michelle is on the second row on the right. 

Jelly Belly Factory Tour.  Kinda cheesy...but we always have fun snickering about the train engineer tour guides.  Our poor girl sounded like an auctioneer rattling off her script :"AndifyoutakealookattheTVsontherightyoucanseehowjellybellybeansaremade."

My OCD came in handy at the outlet mall.  Ghirardelli has this little bag that you can fill with as many squares as you can fit.  I got 72 in that little bag (don't judge...the 72 were for the five of us and for the girls to take home with them...just how much of a chocolate whore do you think I am??!?   Don't answer that.) 

We stopped at a beach so the girls could see Ocean Michigan (because if you can't see the other side of a body of water we decided you can call it an ocean) and there was this barrier thing.  It said STAY OFF...which meant we had to go out on it.  It doesn't look that bad, but it was kinda creepy. 

We had fun playing at the Bean.


I loved having them here to visit...I'm pretty sure I walked more in those four days than I have walked in the past four months.  My poor knees were swollen for three days afterwards!

At ease

With all the craziness going on with health-care reform and Ft Hood another big news item hasn't been the big media circus that it could have been. Tonight John Allen Muhammed (the DC sniper) was executed in Virginia.
I was driving to work this morning when I heard a little news snippet mentioning that the execution was scheduled for today pending clemency being granted by the governor. After I got home tonight I checked CNN and sure enough, he had been executed...and it was the strangest thing. I felt a sense of relief.
We lived in Virginia at the time all that craziness was going on. We were not right in the thick of it, but we were about 30-45 minutes away from one of the shootings. I was going through some pretty dark stuff and one day something snapped. I was at the base running around the track and as I turned the bend I looked across the field and saw an 18-wheeler in the parking lot across the street. My heart started pounding and I KNEW that there was someone in that truck that was going to shoot me. I KNEW it. I sprinted to my car, got inside, locked the doors and hyperventilated/sobbed UNCONTROLLABLY for 10 minutes. I remember the fear. I could taste it. I was afraid for my life and I just KNEW someone was going to harm me.

That was my first anxiety attack.

Since then I have had some serious issues all centering around safety and security. (I was diagnosed with OCD in 2004 and a majority of my obsessions and compulsions manifest in things related to safety) I remember several nights in Newport when Nathan would be on tour, locking myself in our bedroom with the cats and all the knives in the house. For the first couple years we lived there I refused to leave the windows open at night (even though we lived on the second floor) and I would get up multiple (like 4 or 5) times a night to check and make sure the windows were not only shut - but locked.
I have always felt that the fractured emotional state I was in while we lived in Virginia coupled with the very real-ness (at least to me) of the sniper shootings broke something in my brain.
As time has passed the fear has begun to go away and I have fewer and fewer anxiety ridden moments. As crazy (and horrible) as it sounds I hope that with this execution my mind can somehow put itself at ease and finish repairing whatever snapped that day on the track.

Mosaic

So I love treasure hunting and I have found an excellent place to search for treasures. There is a Goodwill Thrift Store about 45 minutes away that I have been to several times and have found some excellent things. This little gem is the latest treasure I have carted home. It set us back $10. The top of the desk flips up to reveal a small (but practical) storage space within. I saw great potential in this diamond in the rough and I knew it had to be mine.
I decided to paint it and do a decoupage top. I found some scrapbook paper I thought would be perfect. Then as I was driving home I had a lightning bulb moment. You know those paint chips at Lowe's? I thought it would look awesome if I got a bunch of those and created a mosaic of sorts for the table top. I stopped by Lowe's and picked up every paint chip that was near an olive green. Then I went back and got seconds and thirds of some. I got home, took the whole table apart and started spraypainting the parts that would be spraypainted and began cutting 1/2" squares from the paint chips. I created a HUGE pile and decided to start on the top. After only 2" or so I realized it was going to take longer than I thought...that and it was going to be hard for my OCD to not put the squares in order from light to dark or at least place the pieces in a pattern of sorts. I finished half of the top and went to bed, I couldn't decide if I liked it or not. In the morning I loved how it was looking so I decided to finish it. I got almost 2/3rd's done and ran out of chips. So I got showered (yes...I didn't even shower before I continued on with the top...um, OCD) and ran off to Lowe's and got more paint chips. When I sat back down and thought of cutting more 1/2" squares my wrist started aching. But I pushed on and behold the fabulous results:


A close-up of the top:

For the inner compartment I decaupoged paper that had music notes on it. (See my cute coasters?)
I love Goodwill. :)

25 things you never wanted to know

Ok, so this has been passed around more than the easy cheerleader in highschool, and since I have been tagged by no less than seven people here it goes. If you actually knew all these, stop stalking me.

1. I have a slight obsession with shoes...I am currently at 92 pairs. Yep, 92.
   
2. Even though I was born on Christmas, my favorite holiday is Halloween...hands down.
   
3. Six cities in three states have had the distinct honor of calling me a resident. In a month or so, that will be seven cities in four states.
   
4. Never broken a bone, but I did tear all the ligaments in my right ankle in indoor track in 9th grade.
   
5. As of last Sunday I have been married for seven years to the luckiest guy alive. (actually, I am the lucky one)
   
6. I LOVE writing. Actual using a pen writing. I used to practice my penmanship when I was younger...of my own free will and choice.
7. During high school I went through a bit of a Hippie phase. It was nothing but bell bottoms, polyester and The Beatles. (there was also a lot of Purple...so much that someone nicknamed me PG...Purple Gothic)
8. I am the oldest of four and the only girl.
   
9. One of my Christmas presents from Nathan was a notebook that fits in my purse...all so I can make lists any time I want.
10. Nathan calls me a hoarder. I will admit that I have a bit of a collecting problem (see #1)
    
11. When I grow up I want to be a secret service agent, college professor, graphic designer, event planner, professional photographer, psychologist, interior designer, concert pianist, lawyer, stay-at-home-mom.
    
12. Want a slice of the best pumpkin pie ever? I can do that for you. (Apple Pie and Cheesecake too)
    
13. I have OCD. For real. Actually diagnosed and medicated.
    
14. I LOVE to cook...my mom doesn't and hasn't EVER. Not sure where I got it from.
    
15. My outfit of choice would be a skirt and heels.
    
16. One time I chopped my hair off. I went from waist length to a chin length bob in one snip. (well, it actually took a few to get through the ponytail)
    
17. I play flute, piccolo, piano and drums. I took piano lessons for a year when I was ten and other than that I have never studied privately...kinda wish I would have...sometimes I am sad thinking of the talent I could have cultivated. :(
    
18. I sing all the time. Unless there is someone around who can hear...the kitties are my only acceptable audience.
19. I would LOVE to be in a musical...and not in the pit orchestra. But then I'd have to be able to sing in front of people... (see #18) Roxie Hart in Chicago would be my dream role.
    
20. Going to the dentist should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
    
21. I have an intense desire to run a marathon...but unfortunately I lack the motivation to get my sorry butt out of bed and train.
    
22. My Barbies and I had an ongoing secret relationship until 8th grade. I hope for girlie girls who will want to play Barbies with their mom...I still have 2 large rubbermaid tubs full of Barbies, clothes, furniture, etc...just in case. I also have a Barbie Jeep and a Barbie Van.
    
23. I never wanted children until the summer of 2004. Some switch flipped that summer and now I know I can't have one I want twenty.
    
24. I hate when people use incorrect grammar. Misuse of homonyms (Your/You're and There/Their/They're and Here/Hear) is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
25. There is a constant running dialogue between me and myself and I in my head. It occurs in the shower, driving to work, eating and trying to fall asleep. I keep myself pretty good company.
    

OCD

Sometimes my OCD comes in handy...take for example our move from RI. When we packed our house up, (because I didn't trust anyone else to so it as good as I could) I had a system. Each box was packed according to what room it would go in at the new house. Each room was assigned a color (kitchen was red, family room was orange, bedroom was blue, etc). When the box was packed it was assigned a number, which was printed on little circle tabs in the assigned color and placed on three sides of the box. Then colored tape was wrapped around the box so we could identify quickly which room it belonged in. Each box was also listed on a spreadsheet. I recorded the box#, room, contents and date packed. I also had a column for date unpacked. My obvious display of OCD helped once we got here, as I was able to unpack very quickly.

It also helps when planning parties or any other event. Nathan will tell you that I am queen of lists. I makes lists for EVERYTHING. Some things get more than one list. (You should see the ones for our Halloween Party...) I have one notebook all full of lists/notes about baby things. Like a list of what to take to the hospital for the birth, people we want to send announcements to, projects I want to complete before the baby is born (all broken down by trimester too), wish lists of things I want to buy, etc. The ironic thing about that whole notebook is we aren't pregnant...and now that we are going to adopt, many of those lists will not be needed. But the exciting thing is that new lists will have to be made (yay for lists!!)

The OCD makes things tough for me too...especially when I have no control over a situation. It stresses me out and causes insomnia, headaches, etc. I actually keep a notebook and pen at my bedside so I can write lists in the middle of the night...which is {supposed} to save me from the insomnia. Putting my thoughts on paper {supposedly} gets them out of my head so I can sleep...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That is where Ambien comes in.

That brings me to our current situation: I lost our camera. Well, I'm not sure if I lost it or if Nathan lost it...but it is lost nevertheless. Not my new Nikon (thank heavens!) but our little point and shoot digital. Now, I know it is just a camera, but it is FULL of stuff from the football games. Videos, interviews, pictures...all of which have not yet been downloaded. I am freaking out that I may have lost all that stuff and I will have not enough material to do the band video. We have torn the house apart, checked every inch of both cars and it remains nowhere to be found. This creates quite a problem for my OCD brain. I cannot sleep, I cannot work, I cannot focus on anything else...I'm not even hungry (which is ASTOUNDING)... all I can think about is that blasted camera.

So last night at about 2am (so I guess technically this morning) I thought about something that could help me {maybe} find our camera. I got up and went online to look at our bank statement (yes, at 2am...) and found something that helped to narrow down our search. But my mind was still racing, I had to consciously stop myself from waking Nathan to talk to him about it, you know, because he had to get up in two hours to go to work.

Here's to hoping we find it soon - or I think my brain may explode.

(Oh, you know how on Excedrin bottles it says to not take more than 2 in 24 hours? How important do you think it is to actually follow that? I just took my 5th and 6th tablets in 48 hours...this headache WILL NOT go away)

Ghosts in boxes

Ok, so I got ahold of the restaurant guy and told him that if the offer was still good, I would love to take it. He said the owner would call me Monday or Tuesday to arrange a time for me to come in and fill out paperwork, etc, etc... I'm glad to have a job, but I still feel disappointed that I didn't get the lawyer job, like I'm some sort of failure or something. Although having the restaurant job will likely be a blessing once school starts...it will allow me to actually take some classes where the lawyer job would not...I really wanted that job, and the prestige that would come with it.


Depression is a tricky animal...if you have never had anyone close (I mean spouse, best friend, parent...) to you suffer from it, consider yourself lucky. I have been dealing with depression for almost 4 years...I officially have OCD, which in my case triggers depression symptoms...I was seeing a therapist weekly until we moved, and I'm even on meds for it - which I take religiously - but every now and then somethings sneaks up on me that throws me back into a mist of darkness. I know the best thing for me is to get out of the house and go do something, but it is all I can do in the morning to get up before 11 and shower. I know having a job will help but I am scared out of my mind to go back to work...I can't even explain the originations/causes of the feelings but they are there and it is hard for anyone who has never felt them to understand the powerful effect they have on your moods. Just thinking that I might have to go into work tomorrow keeps me so on edge I can't sleep...I know part of that is the OCD, because I have to have complete control of all situations...and a new job will bring new challenges and things totally out of my control. I have Ambien (which is great, by the way) but I don't want to create a habit of having to take drugs to go to sleep.

It is funny...when we decided to get out of the military and move I thought I would be able to leave some of those ghosts in Rhode Island...but somehow they made it into boxes I tried so hard to keep them out of.