Showing posts with label Miles' Adoption Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miles' Adoption Story. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2012
Miles: Year One
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
::Miles:: Part V: his name
(Part I can be found HERE, part II can be found HERE part III can be found HERE part IV can be found HERE)
This post could also be called "The one where we KNEW Miles was meant to be in our family"
This post could also be called "The one where we KNEW Miles was meant to be in our family"
Back when we started trying to have children we had a couple names we really liked...unfortunately they were all girl names. When we were planning on adopting the twins last summer we started looking for boy names we liked...the list was short. We are band geeks, so Miles (as in Miles Davis) came to mind. It was also fresh on our minds because we had been watching LOST and one of the characters was named Miles. It was our front runner boy name and stayed in that position since. The problem was we could not find a middle name we liked paired with it. We wanted it to mean something, so we tried all the family names we could think of...Nathan's middle name, his father's name, his grandfather's name, same with my side of the family. But we could never come up with something we loved...something that just rolled off the tongue.
I remember telling someone once that maybe we couldn't come up with one because we weren't meant to. Fast forward to this situation. We knew we wanted to call him Miles, but still couldn't decide on a middle name. Amy called us and said that T had been calling the baby by a name the whole pregnancy and wondered if we would consider using it. I told her we would consider it...but I wanted to know what it was first. Afterall, I didn't want a baby named Miles Crowbar or Miles Hankypanky. When she told me the name it sucked my breath away: Elijah. I loved it. It was actually on our short list last summer...and it also happens to be my maternal great-grandfather's middle name. Seriously. Nathan is not one for signs...but even he couldn't dispute that her using the name Elijah was a sign that Miles was meant to be in our home. When we met with T on placement day we told her we planned on using the name as his middle name...so he'd always have a connection to her and yet it was still a family name. She was touched that we would keep it and use it somehow.
Many people have asked if we named him Miles because of all the miles we had to travel to get him. I had never considered it until someone mentioned it on Facebook. The answer is no...but it does fit. We did have to travel MANY miles...both literally and figuratively...to get our little Miles. But I tell you what...all those miles were totally worth it.
::Miles:: Part IV: placement day
(Part I can be found HERE, part II can be found HERE part III can be found HERE)
We didn't get much sleep...when you factor in the nerves and the caffeine I didn't really expect to get any. We got up, showered and got ready, ate (read: tried to eat) breakfast and were at the hospital by 8:30am. While we waited for Amy in the parking lot we sat in the car so afraid of what could happen. We were so worried...we were just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under us.
We met Amy for the first time in person in the parking lot of the hospital. She seemed so calm...we were not. I had hardly eaten anything for breakfast and I felt like I was going to throw up from the nerves. We got into the hospital, up to the right floor and Amy called the phone to be admitted into the Mother & Child wing of the hospital. This is what we heard:
"Hi, I'm here for T"
"What?"
Silence...confused stare.
"What do you mean she's not here? Where did she go?"
"Well can I come back there and talk to you?"
Amy hung up the phone, turned to us and said "She's not here". Nathan went white as a ghost and sunk to the floor in heavy silence. I thought to myself, this cannot be happening to us again. Amy looked calm, but was obviously confused. We had JUST been in the hospital 7 hours earlier...we had held the baby. Where could she have gone?! Just then the hospital social worker came into the hallway. She had been in a meeting downstairs when she thought "we have an adoption happening today, I guess I should go up and make sure everything is going smoothly." Amy asked her if she knew where T had gone...the social worker was as perplexed as we were. She said T was still on the patient list and that she would go find out what was going on. She badged into the restricted area while we waited outside...it felt like an ETERNITY. All I could think is that a 27 hour empty-armed drive home was going to really suck. When the social worker came back through the doors, she was all smiles. Her words: "she's still here" washed a relief over me like I have never known. Apparently there had just been some miscommunication between Amy & the nurses, but all was well. I am SO very glad that the social worker listened to her gut and came upstairs when she did.
We waited out by the nurses station and filled out some paperwork for the hospital while Amy went in with T and had her sign paperwork. Every time someone would come out of her room with a worried or somber look I thought "this is it...here comes the bad news." It took longer than we thought it should...like an hour longer. I knew it wouldn't be like ordering a hamburger but it was over an hour before we saw Amy. There had been trouble with the notary...it was his first adoption and there were some things he wasn't sure of/comfortable with so he decided to NOT do it...so Amy had to go with plan B. (I just have to say again...Amy is so awesome. There is NO WAY this would have happened without her)
While all that was going on, the nurses put the baby into his carseat, where he had to sit for 2 hours while they tested his oxygen levels. They wanted to make sure he'd be ok for the drive home. We waited in the waiting room and watched the mandatory video (which we skipped most of...I didn't need to know how to care for my woman parts after giving birth...and I didn't need to hear the breastfeeding part either) and eventually Amy came in for our turn at paperwork.
We didn't get much sleep...when you factor in the nerves and the caffeine I didn't really expect to get any. We got up, showered and got ready, ate (read: tried to eat) breakfast and were at the hospital by 8:30am. While we waited for Amy in the parking lot we sat in the car so afraid of what could happen. We were so worried...we were just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under us.
We met Amy for the first time in person in the parking lot of the hospital. She seemed so calm...we were not. I had hardly eaten anything for breakfast and I felt like I was going to throw up from the nerves. We got into the hospital, up to the right floor and Amy called the phone to be admitted into the Mother & Child wing of the hospital. This is what we heard:
"Hi, I'm here for T"
"What?"
Silence...confused stare.
"What do you mean she's not here? Where did she go?"
"Well can I come back there and talk to you?"
Amy hung up the phone, turned to us and said "She's not here". Nathan went white as a ghost and sunk to the floor in heavy silence. I thought to myself, this cannot be happening to us again. Amy looked calm, but was obviously confused. We had JUST been in the hospital 7 hours earlier...we had held the baby. Where could she have gone?! Just then the hospital social worker came into the hallway. She had been in a meeting downstairs when she thought "we have an adoption happening today, I guess I should go up and make sure everything is going smoothly." Amy asked her if she knew where T had gone...the social worker was as perplexed as we were. She said T was still on the patient list and that she would go find out what was going on. She badged into the restricted area while we waited outside...it felt like an ETERNITY. All I could think is that a 27 hour empty-armed drive home was going to really suck. When the social worker came back through the doors, she was all smiles. Her words: "she's still here" washed a relief over me like I have never known. Apparently there had just been some miscommunication between Amy & the nurses, but all was well. I am SO very glad that the social worker listened to her gut and came upstairs when she did.
Nervous feet waiting in the hospital corridor.
We waited out by the nurses station and filled out some paperwork for the hospital while Amy went in with T and had her sign paperwork. Every time someone would come out of her room with a worried or somber look I thought "this is it...here comes the bad news." It took longer than we thought it should...like an hour longer. I knew it wouldn't be like ordering a hamburger but it was over an hour before we saw Amy. There had been trouble with the notary...it was his first adoption and there were some things he wasn't sure of/comfortable with so he decided to NOT do it...so Amy had to go with plan B. (I just have to say again...Amy is so awesome. There is NO WAY this would have happened without her)
While all that was going on, the nurses put the baby into his carseat, where he had to sit for 2 hours while they tested his oxygen levels. They wanted to make sure he'd be ok for the drive home. We waited in the waiting room and watched the mandatory video (which we skipped most of...I didn't need to know how to care for my woman parts after giving birth...and I didn't need to hear the breastfeeding part either) and eventually Amy came in for our turn at paperwork.
Signing paperwork.
After we signed paperwork and Amy declared "That's it. He's yours" there were still no tears. It still just felt so surreal. It was something we had ached for and cried over for SEVEN years...and after a (ton) of signatures that was it. He was ours. Our wait was over. We snapped a picture with Amy and then collected all our copies of the paperwork.
Now was the time to meet T. Now the nerves set in again. I knew that papers were signed and nothing could revoke them, but I was still nervous. Would she like us? Would she think we were good enough to raise this baby? Amy went in the room first and we followed. T was sitting in the bed. When I saw her she felt familiar. I walked right up and gave her a hug and told her thank you...she said "No, thank YOU". It floored me. Nathan hugged her and then we took the next hour to chat with her. It was wonderful. It felt natural, not awkward like I expected. We presented her with the gifts we'd brought and asked her for a few tips. We sensed she was ready to be alone and we left her with Amy, but not before we took a few pictures.
When we walked out of her room I suddenly realized just how hungry I was. The nerves were gone, and the happy calm had set in. The sweet nurses got me a sandwich, a Diet Coke & some chips. I headed into the nursery where I arrived just in time to feed our baby. I got to spend the next hour rocking our baby in the rocking chair in the hospital's nursery. Nathan left me in the hospital and took the car to get serviced...he hadn't had time to do it before we left on Monday and we were WAY overdue for an oil change. He got back in time to change his first diaper and feed his first baby.
We are parents!
We got everything packed up, and signed the discharge papers. We got Miles strapped into his carseat and into the stroller and walked out of the nursery, only to run into Amy & T in the hallway. They had come to say goodbye to us and to Miles. Nathan and I watched as this sweet woman bent over the carseat, kissed her baby on the head and whispered goodbye. We hugged her again and Nathan asked if there was anything we could do for her. "Love my baby" was all she said. Amy took a couple pictures of the three of us by the stroller and we waved good-bye. A nurse followed us out to the car...which was such a weird feeling...we were leaving the hospital with a baby...and no one was running after us yelling "baby stealers!" We got Miles all snapped in, hugged the nurse and drove away as a newly formed family of three.
Monday, May 30, 2011
::Miles:: Part III: all the many miles
(Part I can be found HERE, part II can be found HERE)
We had planned to take turns on the drive so that we'd be able to drive straight through without stopping. The plan was one of us would drive while the other slept...then we'd trade off. We also decided to stop & fill up with gas when we reached 1/2 a tank so we'd break up the trip more...keeping us more awake and alert. We had made long drives before so we weren't too worried except for the lack of sleep factor...we'd already been up since morning (Nathan since 5, me since 8) and our departure time was nearing bedtime. When we finally hit the road at 10pm both of us were a little sleepy. We said a prayer for safety, downed a couple 5 hour energy shots and headed off. Nathan drove for the first hour, and then I took over. Sometime around 11pm I got a text from Amy. She had arrived at the hospital and had seen the baby. He was born a healthy 6lbs 8oz and had lots of hair. She sent me a couple pictures of him. I did my best to look at them and drive (I know...SO not safe, but I couldn't help myself!) and I woke Nathan up because I knew he would want to see them. He looked at them for a few minutes and then fell back asleep.
I kept driving and made it to almost 7am, which is a miracle...that is a LONG time driving for me. Every time we stopped to fill up with gas I would get the largest fountain cup they had and fill it with Diet Coke. That coupled with 5 hour energy shots, phone calls from my mom & singing along with my ipod is what got me through that long, dark, boring night.
We updated Facebook when we passed landmarks...the comments and messages helped make the drive pass faster, and also gave us hope that this was really going to happen.
On Tuesday late afternoon we made a pit stop in Denver to pickup the stroller and carseat we wanted...my mom had scoured the internet to see where we could find it between our home and St George. We also made another attempt at finding a gift for the woman who was going to give us a baby. We found the perfect thing and got back on the road. By this time my poor body was sick of the car. We'd been on the road for about 20 hours and we were still not even to Utah. The last leg of the drive was DRAGGING. It probably didn't help when I tried to get off the interstate to grab some dinner and ended up taking three wrong turns. That move got me immediately booted out of the drivers seat. Once Nathan got us back on the highway the sun started to set...and I started to worry. We were entering Eastern Utah and there isn't much there. The piece of I-70 just West of the Colorado border through to Salina, Utah is desolate. I mean DESOLATE. No cell service, no gas stations, no electricity, no houses, no farms, hardly any other traffic. It was freaky. I had much stress worrying about us breaking down and being stuck there for the rest of our lives...which would undoubtedly be shorter once the truck driver serial killer picked us up (yes, I obviously watch too much CSI).
The whole drive I was texting Amy and updating her on our progress. She was with the birthmom - who I'm going to call T - who was still sure in her decision. At some time during our conversations on Tuesday Amy asked us if we would be ok with meeting T....um, YES! She had decided she wanted to meet us and wanted to have a semi-open adoption...with letters & pictures being exchanged through the agency. This was a huge relief to us, we had wanted an open relationship! We felt like it would be so much better as Miles grew up if the channels of communication were open between he & his birthmother.
The plan was for us to come to the hospital when we arrived that evening and then we'd sign paperwork Wednesday morning. But the longer we drove, the later our arrival time got. I told Amy we wouldn't be getting in until 11:30ish and told her we totally understood if it was too late, we'd just go in the morning. She told us that T wanted us to come, no matter how late it was...even if she was asleep. She wanted us to "meet our son."
We pulled into St George at 11:45pm on Tuesday May 18th. We had been on the road for 15 minutes shy of 27 hours....with nothing more than gas-ups to rest and stretch our legs. We had bags under our eyes, our feet were swollen and our rear ends ached...but we didn't care. We parked at the hospital and found the right floor. The nurses were all very sweet, which is something I had worried about, I have heard HORROR stories from adoptive couples that nurses were mean to them. The nurses showed us to the waiting room and they went to get the baby. They wheeled him in and it felt surreal...like we were just visiting a friend who had a baby. They told us we could take as much time as we wanted, just to go get them when we were done.
When I lifted him out of the bassinet and held him for the first time, I didn't have an overflowing of emotion...in fact I don't recall that there were even any tears. It just felt calm & right. We snapped a few pictures, took turns snuggling him and then decided we had better go get checked into the hotel & get some rest...tomorrow was a big day.
We had planned to take turns on the drive so that we'd be able to drive straight through without stopping. The plan was one of us would drive while the other slept...then we'd trade off. We also decided to stop & fill up with gas when we reached 1/2 a tank so we'd break up the trip more...keeping us more awake and alert. We had made long drives before so we weren't too worried except for the lack of sleep factor...we'd already been up since morning (Nathan since 5, me since 8) and our departure time was nearing bedtime. When we finally hit the road at 10pm both of us were a little sleepy. We said a prayer for safety, downed a couple 5 hour energy shots and headed off. Nathan drove for the first hour, and then I took over. Sometime around 11pm I got a text from Amy. She had arrived at the hospital and had seen the baby. He was born a healthy 6lbs 8oz and had lots of hair. She sent me a couple pictures of him. I did my best to look at them and drive (I know...SO not safe, but I couldn't help myself!) and I woke Nathan up because I knew he would want to see them. He looked at them for a few minutes and then fell back asleep.
First look at our little guy.
I kept driving and made it to almost 7am, which is a miracle...that is a LONG time driving for me. Every time we stopped to fill up with gas I would get the largest fountain cup they had and fill it with Diet Coke. That coupled with 5 hour energy shots, phone calls from my mom & singing along with my ipod is what got me through that long, dark, boring night.
We updated Facebook when we passed landmarks...the comments and messages helped make the drive pass faster, and also gave us hope that this was really going to happen.
On Tuesday late afternoon we made a pit stop in Denver to pickup the stroller and carseat we wanted...my mom had scoured the internet to see where we could find it between our home and St George. We also made another attempt at finding a gift for the woman who was going to give us a baby. We found the perfect thing and got back on the road. By this time my poor body was sick of the car. We'd been on the road for about 20 hours and we were still not even to Utah. The last leg of the drive was DRAGGING. It probably didn't help when I tried to get off the interstate to grab some dinner and ended up taking three wrong turns. That move got me immediately booted out of the drivers seat. Once Nathan got us back on the highway the sun started to set...and I started to worry. We were entering Eastern Utah and there isn't much there. The piece of I-70 just West of the Colorado border through to Salina, Utah is desolate. I mean DESOLATE. No cell service, no gas stations, no electricity, no houses, no farms, hardly any other traffic. It was freaky. I had much stress worrying about us breaking down and being stuck there for the rest of our lives...which would undoubtedly be shorter once the truck driver serial killer picked us up (yes, I obviously watch too much CSI).
The whole drive I was texting Amy and updating her on our progress. She was with the birthmom - who I'm going to call T - who was still sure in her decision. At some time during our conversations on Tuesday Amy asked us if we would be ok with meeting T....um, YES! She had decided she wanted to meet us and wanted to have a semi-open adoption...with letters & pictures being exchanged through the agency. This was a huge relief to us, we had wanted an open relationship! We felt like it would be so much better as Miles grew up if the channels of communication were open between he & his birthmother.
The plan was for us to come to the hospital when we arrived that evening and then we'd sign paperwork Wednesday morning. But the longer we drove, the later our arrival time got. I told Amy we wouldn't be getting in until 11:30ish and told her we totally understood if it was too late, we'd just go in the morning. She told us that T wanted us to come, no matter how late it was...even if she was asleep. She wanted us to "meet our son."
We pulled into St George at 11:45pm on Tuesday May 18th. We had been on the road for 15 minutes shy of 27 hours....with nothing more than gas-ups to rest and stretch our legs. We had bags under our eyes, our feet were swollen and our rear ends ached...but we didn't care. We parked at the hospital and found the right floor. The nurses were all very sweet, which is something I had worried about, I have heard HORROR stories from adoptive couples that nurses were mean to them. The nurses showed us to the waiting room and they went to get the baby. They wheeled him in and it felt surreal...like we were just visiting a friend who had a baby. They told us we could take as much time as we wanted, just to go get them when we were done.
When I lifted him out of the bassinet and held him for the first time, I didn't have an overflowing of emotion...in fact I don't recall that there were even any tears. It just felt calm & right. We snapped a few pictures, took turns snuggling him and then decided we had better go get checked into the hotel & get some rest...tomorrow was a big day.
Us and our sweet baby. Wednesday May 18th, 12:06am.
27 hours in the car...totally worth it.
::Miles:: Part II: the unexpected news
(Part I can be found HERE)
Monday came and I had been talking with Amy about another situation that had popped up for the agency. It was a baby girl, born early, paperwork already signed...but the fees were just way too high for us. I know it may seem weird that I was looking for something else, but we didn't have a definite answer on the St George situation and we really felt like it was going to fall through so I was actively pursuing other things. Amy said she'd keep me posted on both situations - to see if the agency would reduce the fees for the baby girl and also what happened at the doctor's appointment.
I called my mom (which I do usually about once a day) and we were chatting about the baby girl situation...mostly lamenting (read: complaining about) the high cost of adoption. My other line beeped and I saw it was Amy. I told my mom I had to go and I grabbed the other line. Amy asked "did you get my text?" My initial reaction was that she (the birthmom) decided she didn't want us. I told Amy I had been on the phone so I hadn't seen a text yet. Then Amy dropped the bomb "She wants you, and she is at the doctor, 6cm dilated, they are doing a C-section now." She told me we might want to start looking at travel options, but not to book anything until we saw paperwork emailed from the agency. I hung up the phone and saw the text she was talking about: 5/16/11 10:59am "She just said that she wants you. She is going to the dr in St George and thinks they will keep her" I called Nathan at work (he was luckily doing a security watch and not a gig...otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get a hold of him) I looked online at plane tickets and was astounded at the cost...$750 each for one way. Surprisingly I didn't do much more, I actually made a sandwich, sat on the couch and watched TV for an hour or so. I was convinced that I would be getting a call shortly that said "never mind!" I did start a few batches of laundry, it needed to be done anyway...and I vacuumed and dusted. It wasn't until I talked to Amy again that I realized I needed to get my butt in gear. She had talked to the birthmom and told her she HAD to be sure...that we would be flying in from Illinois and before they told us to get on a plane she had to be 100% set in her decision. She said she was sure, which Amy relayed to us and so I started packing. We decided to make the trip via car instead of plane...which still seems so crazy to me. Mapquest said it was a 23.5 hour drive. I knew it would be longer once you factored in the pit stops, etc...and we planned on making it in one shot. No overnight stops. It was daunting...and my OCD brain started worrying about the car breaking down in the middle of Nebraska.
While Nathan was squaring things away with his work, I dug through the boxes in the nursery closet and found the few little blue outfits we'd bought in preparation for the twins last summer. I tore off the tags and washed them, still not allowing myself to believe they'd actually be used. I hurried outside in the chilly weather to put in the rest of my flowers (I'd started the week before but had to stop because of a monsoon rainstorm)...man, planting flowers in cold dirt is not that fun! Nathan got home from work and we packed our bags. We ran to a couple stores to see if we could find a nice gift to give to our birthmother (as an aside...how do you even possibly get a gift that says "thank you for making us a family?!). We made the announcement on Facebook - which we seriously considered NOT doing...until we had a picture of us with a baby...but we decided if this went south we'd need the love and support of our friends & family.
We got the car packed & said our good-byes to Winston. Our friends came over to get our key so they could watch over Winston (and so they could watch the Bulls playoff games on our big screen TV). We passed along to them all the perishable food in our fridge and hit the road at 10pm...which incidentally was 2 hours earlier than Nathan thought I'd be ready to go. I have a bit of a problem running late...so he was pleasantly surprised that we were able to take off so quick. I wasn't so surprised...afterall this was the second quick pack job we've had to do in the last 6 weeks...and I still had the packing list from the first one.
Monday came and I had been talking with Amy about another situation that had popped up for the agency. It was a baby girl, born early, paperwork already signed...but the fees were just way too high for us. I know it may seem weird that I was looking for something else, but we didn't have a definite answer on the St George situation and we really felt like it was going to fall through so I was actively pursuing other things. Amy said she'd keep me posted on both situations - to see if the agency would reduce the fees for the baby girl and also what happened at the doctor's appointment.
I called my mom (which I do usually about once a day) and we were chatting about the baby girl situation...mostly lamenting (read: complaining about) the high cost of adoption. My other line beeped and I saw it was Amy. I told my mom I had to go and I grabbed the other line. Amy asked "did you get my text?" My initial reaction was that she (the birthmom) decided she didn't want us. I told Amy I had been on the phone so I hadn't seen a text yet. Then Amy dropped the bomb "She wants you, and she is at the doctor, 6cm dilated, they are doing a C-section now." She told me we might want to start looking at travel options, but not to book anything until we saw paperwork emailed from the agency. I hung up the phone and saw the text she was talking about: 5/16/11 10:59am "She just said that she wants you. She is going to the dr in St George and thinks they will keep her" I called Nathan at work (he was luckily doing a security watch and not a gig...otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get a hold of him) I looked online at plane tickets and was astounded at the cost...$750 each for one way. Surprisingly I didn't do much more, I actually made a sandwich, sat on the couch and watched TV for an hour or so. I was convinced that I would be getting a call shortly that said "never mind!" I did start a few batches of laundry, it needed to be done anyway...and I vacuumed and dusted. It wasn't until I talked to Amy again that I realized I needed to get my butt in gear. She had talked to the birthmom and told her she HAD to be sure...that we would be flying in from Illinois and before they told us to get on a plane she had to be 100% set in her decision. She said she was sure, which Amy relayed to us and so I started packing. We decided to make the trip via car instead of plane...which still seems so crazy to me. Mapquest said it was a 23.5 hour drive. I knew it would be longer once you factored in the pit stops, etc...and we planned on making it in one shot. No overnight stops. It was daunting...and my OCD brain started worrying about the car breaking down in the middle of Nebraska.
While Nathan was squaring things away with his work, I dug through the boxes in the nursery closet and found the few little blue outfits we'd bought in preparation for the twins last summer. I tore off the tags and washed them, still not allowing myself to believe they'd actually be used. I hurried outside in the chilly weather to put in the rest of my flowers (I'd started the week before but had to stop because of a monsoon rainstorm)...man, planting flowers in cold dirt is not that fun! Nathan got home from work and we packed our bags. We ran to a couple stores to see if we could find a nice gift to give to our birthmother (as an aside...how do you even possibly get a gift that says "thank you for making us a family?!). We made the announcement on Facebook - which we seriously considered NOT doing...until we had a picture of us with a baby...but we decided if this went south we'd need the love and support of our friends & family.
We got the car packed & said our good-byes to Winston. Our friends came over to get our key so they could watch over Winston (and so they could watch the Bulls playoff games on our big screen TV). We passed along to them all the perishable food in our fridge and hit the road at 10pm...which incidentally was 2 hours earlier than Nathan thought I'd be ready to go. I have a bit of a problem running late...so he was pleasantly surprised that we were able to take off so quick. I wasn't so surprised...afterall this was the second quick pack job we've had to do in the last 6 weeks...and I still had the packing list from the first one.
Here we are, pulling out of our driveway, hoping that the next 24+ hours we'd spend in a car would lead us to something wonderful.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
::Miles:: Part I: the back story
After Georgia, our hearts were broken. I wanted to keep pushing but I was scared out of my wits that we'd have a repeat of the heartbreak. Nathan and I discussed it and decided that we wanted children...and getting children in our home would be worth the bumpy road. Shortly after returning home we were back to our regular Friday night activity of working in the Temple. It was tough to be back because I felt like I shouldn't be able to be there...that I should be at home with a baby. But the people we work with were SO wonderful to us. Love was poured upon us and it turned out to be the perfect place for us to grieve and mourn and heal over the next couple weeks.
On Friday April 29th we got out of the Temple around 10:30pm and I had a voicemail from Amy (caseworker from the Ohio & Georgia situations). It said "I have a situation I want to talk to you about. It's not urgent...yet. Call me as soon as you get this." We called her back to find out about a birthmom from Vegas who would be delivering in St George and was due May 20th with a baby, gender unknown...were we interested? We told her we'd be willing to pursue it, but we'd see how things went when she went to the doctor a few the following week. We wanted to see if she actually showed up (sounds harsh...but it happens) and then go from there.
We didn't tell anyone right away...we didn't want to be the couple that "cried wolf" about adopting babies. The following week she went to her appointment and discovered that she was having a boy and that her due date had been moved to June 8th. She was still decidedly determined that the baby was coming sooner rather than later and told our caseworker to find a family. At this point she wanted a closed adoption. Which means that we would know very little, if anything at all about each other. She wanted the agency to choose the family. It's not what we had hoped for in an adoption relationship, but we were by no means going to turn away a baby for that reason. Amy told us she had been "saving this one for us" and that she thought it felt like the perfect situation for Nathan and I. With the good news from the doctor's appointment we told Amy we were definitely in, and we pressed forward cautiously optimistic, but severely guarded.
The following little bit (the days leading up to and after Mother's Day) was rough. We hit some bumps in the road and it looked as though this adoption, like many others, might not happen...but we didn't know that for sure so we kept hoping. She (the birthmother) decided that she wanted to see our profile and possible some others so we felt like it wasn't going well. We still told almost no one. Our parents and a SMALL handful of others (like bosses at work, etc) knew. Unlike Ohio & Georgia, we didn't buy anything in preparation for this situation. In fact, we both felt like it wasn't going to work out.
On Tuesday May 10th I got a text from Amy that said "She is at the hospital in Vegas having back to back contractions, I'll keep you posted". I worried...of course. I didn't even know what was going to happen with this situation and so I didn't know what to feel. Relieved that maybe the baby would be born and we could move on when she didn't want us...because at least we'd have an answer. Worried about a stay in Nevada for ICPC (I'll explain this more later). Concerned for her, hoping she was ok. As the day wore on with no news I assumed the worst (I think 4 failed adoptions makes you do that), but late that night I heard from our caseworker. They got her labor stopped and sent her home with pills to take every six hours to keep the contractions at bay. She had a doctor's appointment the following Monday and her doctor in St George could assess the situation then. We still didn't know where we stood...should we be preparing for a baby or not?
Friday May 13th I came home from the Temple feeling totally at peace. I felt like this adoption wasn't going to happen but everything would be ok anyway. I told Nathan my feelings and discovered he felt the same way. Amy told us the agency had a lot of new women considering adoption and she was hopeful we would find a situation that would work for us. We waited for Monday to see how the doctor's appointment went and hopefully we'd find out then a definitive answer so we could move on...either with this situation or another.
We didn't tell anyone right away...we didn't want to be the couple that "cried wolf" about adopting babies. The following week she went to her appointment and discovered that she was having a boy and that her due date had been moved to June 8th. She was still decidedly determined that the baby was coming sooner rather than later and told our caseworker to find a family. At this point she wanted a closed adoption. Which means that we would know very little, if anything at all about each other. She wanted the agency to choose the family. It's not what we had hoped for in an adoption relationship, but we were by no means going to turn away a baby for that reason. Amy told us she had been "saving this one for us" and that she thought it felt like the perfect situation for Nathan and I. With the good news from the doctor's appointment we told Amy we were definitely in, and we pressed forward cautiously optimistic, but severely guarded.
The following little bit (the days leading up to and after Mother's Day) was rough. We hit some bumps in the road and it looked as though this adoption, like many others, might not happen...but we didn't know that for sure so we kept hoping. She (the birthmother) decided that she wanted to see our profile and possible some others so we felt like it wasn't going well. We still told almost no one. Our parents and a SMALL handful of others (like bosses at work, etc) knew. Unlike Ohio & Georgia, we didn't buy anything in preparation for this situation. In fact, we both felt like it wasn't going to work out.
On Tuesday May 10th I got a text from Amy that said "She is at the hospital in Vegas having back to back contractions, I'll keep you posted". I worried...of course. I didn't even know what was going to happen with this situation and so I didn't know what to feel. Relieved that maybe the baby would be born and we could move on when she didn't want us...because at least we'd have an answer. Worried about a stay in Nevada for ICPC (I'll explain this more later). Concerned for her, hoping she was ok. As the day wore on with no news I assumed the worst (I think 4 failed adoptions makes you do that), but late that night I heard from our caseworker. They got her labor stopped and sent her home with pills to take every six hours to keep the contractions at bay. She had a doctor's appointment the following Monday and her doctor in St George could assess the situation then. We still didn't know where we stood...should we be preparing for a baby or not?
Friday May 13th I came home from the Temple feeling totally at peace. I felt like this adoption wasn't going to happen but everything would be ok anyway. I told Nathan my feelings and discovered he felt the same way. Amy told us the agency had a lot of new women considering adoption and she was hopeful we would find a situation that would work for us. We waited for Monday to see how the doctor's appointment went and hopefully we'd find out then a definitive answer so we could move on...either with this situation or another.
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