It's that time again!!

The month where I fill my blog full of 30 Days of Thankful and National Adoption Month posts...

If you want to get in on the 30 Days of Thankful goodness...you're welcome to join this FB group that created just for that purpose!  I will be posting my 30 Days of Thankful on the group as well as on the tab at the top of my page. 

And as for National Adoption Month, I will post some things on here...but I would ask one thing of you, my faithful blogland friends.  Find one chance this month to help spread the POSITIVE word of adoption.  

Whether you share a video:


Or Miles' adoption story: Found HERE.  

Or use any one of THESE fantastic posts.  

Or find your own way to spread positivity.  

There is so much negative stuff out there, let's work together and swing the pendulum to the positive side!

Brought to you by adoption

As this National Adoption Month draws to a close, here is a reminder of just why adoption is awesome. 

Photo by Bryn Stucki Photography

Remember that adoption is

always and forever

about {LOVE}

Cold Risotto

I want to share this post again...it is from last year's National Adoption Month postings.  This is the post on which I got my first negative adoption comment...it made me feel sort of official.  It is also an important read.   

(Originally posted on November 8, 2010)

I starting stalking Jill over at The Happiest Sad about nine/ten months ago.  I don't think I was ever gutsy enough to leave a comment (I stalk a LOT of blogs and I don't want people I don't know to think I'm a creeper) but I enjoyed reading her posts.  When I was deciding what I wanted to post during National Adoption Month a specific post of hers came to mind.  Before I post her work of genious (and that is what it is)...let me give you a little background.  In the adoption world, there are people who love it and people who hate it.  I remember being surprised the first time I googled "adoption" and found page after page of people berating the women who had "abandoned" their babies and calling the adoptive parents "baby stealers" and my heart sunk when I read of adult adoptees who said they wish they had been aborted instead of placed for adoption (SERIOUSLY!).   I remember wishing I could go back to my blissfully ignorant state where I thought everyone loved adoption and it was all sunshine and rainbows.  But now, I'm glad I've read the other side.  It makes me more aware and more prepared...knowing that there are still those people out there.  But it does make me sad that someone had such a horrible experience with something that can be SO wonderful. 

Ok, so here is Jill's post.  It is called Cold Risotto.  It is long, but oh, so worth it.  If after you read it you are left hungry for more you can read more on her blog, The Happiest Sad.

Cold Risotto

Today, I have a story for you. It's made-up but I think it's a good story. I promise there's a point to it. Here it goes. (My sincerest apologies if your name happens to be Susan. It's a lovely name.)

Once upon a time, a woman - let's call her Susan - went to a restaurant. Susan was very, very hungry. Some people might have thought she was stupid to go to a restaurant when most people cook for themselves, but that was Susan's business, not theirs, and for one reason or other, Susan was going to a restaurant for dinner.

Susan's waitress was very friendly right off the bat. She made Susan feel welcome and kept her water glass full and took her order and promised it would be out shortly. Excited and, as I said, very hungry, Susan eagerly awaited her risotto. She was so hungry, she thought this risotto was going to be the best thing in the world. As she waited, she had visions of risotto dancing in her head and all she could think of was how happy she'd be once the waitress brought out her dish.

Some time passed, and suddenly the waitress was getting as crabby as Susan was. Finally, after half an hour or more, the waitress slammed down a dish of cold risotto and the bill and stalked away. Susan was stunned. And the risotto, in addition to being rather cold, was quite possibly the most disgusting dish of risotto ever served in the history of food.

Susan was, understandably, appalled. She complained to management. The manager was appalled as well, and tried to explain things. Shortly after Susan's order had been placed, the chef quit. The waitress received a phone call from her boyfriend, who dumped her - on the phone, and while she was at work! The manager assured Susan that her dinner was an exception, not the norm. This was a top-notch restaurant with a good reputation. He offered to comp the dinner and pushed a gift card at Susan in the hopes that she would give them another try and see that their restaurant was not as bad as all that.

But Susan was unable to get past her cold risotto experience. She told every person she knew about it. She blogged about what a horrible restaurant it was, and how no one should ever eat there. When people mentioned to her that they'd eaten there and had a lovely time, she railed at them that they must be stupid not to see what a terrible restaurant it was, and she harassed those people repeatedly and with great force about what a bad decision they'd made. She ridiculed them for their naiveté. She found their personal blogs and left numerous comments about what idiots they were to even consider eating at that restaurant again. In Susan's opinion, this restaurant should be closed down immediately and not allowed to open again until changes were made to ensure that no one would ever be served cold risotto again - in fact, they shouldn't even serve risotto. Susan decided to make it her life's work to speak out against the restaurant, and she couldn't understand why the whole world didn't join in her crusade.

Now, you're probably wondering why on earth I am blathering on about snippy Susan and her cold risotto. Susan sounds like a real piece of work, doesn't she? Because really, who could have such an ego as to assume that if they had a bad experience somewhere, no one else should even consider that place?

Let's change the subject for a second, and then I'll get back to Susan.

Sorry, that's a terrible segue. Here's a better one.



That is an awesome Segway.


Anyway.


I have a great experience with adoption. I think it's wonderful. I might not tell the entire world to eat at this restaurant called adoption, but if I knew someone was hungry and didn't know where to eat, I would certainly tell them to consider eating there. I would tell them about my experience so they would know that, even though it serves up the occasional dish of cold risotto, eating out isn't a hazardous thing. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

But I have noticed that there are a number of Susans in the adoption world - on-line, in any case, and they are just as snippy and unyielding and very much against the institution that they feel wronged them so much. They got cold risotto. And that's not fair, and I won't argue that point. What I take exception to is these Susans (allow me to apologize if your name happens to be Susan) who go on-line and tell hungry people that they need to learn how to cook because restaurants are inherently wrong. I don't like hungry people being told they're going to get food poisoning if they eat out.

You know what? I can't stop these people. I know there are people out there for whom adoption has not been a good thing. I feel sorry for them. The things that have happened to some people are unfair, wrong, and shouldn't happen to anyone. But I get tired of them insisting that adoption is a bad thing, refusing to believe that it can be an amazing and wonderful thing, simply because it wasn't for them.

Adoption was the best thing in the world for my little Roo. It was the best thing in the world for my mother. And it was the best thing in the world for probably close to 100 little children I can think of just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are countless others for whom it was also the best. We're all happy with our risotto. We are proof that the restaurant isn't a bad place, that the risotto isn't always cold and that, just the opposite, it's frequently the best dish on the menu.

Susan's risotto was bad, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her tell me that my risotto was a mistake and that I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life and that I "lost" my appetite to risotto.

For every horrible, traumatic, food-poisoning story you hear about adoption, there are probably ten thousand stories or the best dinner ever that no one ever tells. Cold risotto makes for good news. A cozy family meal interests no one.

Is adoption always the right, best, most wonderful thing in the world? Nope. Because it involves people, and people are imperfect. But I think each hungry person should be able to decide for him- or herself how best to have dinner.

Hoping to Adopt: Que, Brittany & Liam

Wanna hear something funny about this one?  I had never met Brittany in person until just a few months ago...at the National FSA Conference.  I had been staking her blog for a while..then it went private and I was too chicken to ask for an invite.  Then it was public again, I friended her on Facebook and we became adoption peeps.  She posts a lot about adoption - and I always appreciate her insights.  But I'd read her blog anyway...just for pics of their adorable little Liam...he is a stud.  

We are Que and Brittany and we met as teenagers in 1995.  In 1998, Que left to be an LDS missionary in Bolivia and we wrote each other for two years.  When he returned, we married in the spring of 2001.  In 2009, our son Liam came into our family through the miracle of adoption!  He will always know how much his birth family loves him.  Right now, we are hoping to adopt, again!  We have an open adoption with several members of Liam's birth family and hope to have another open adoption.  (Although we are willing to be matched with a birth family who wants little or no contact with us.)  Check out our blog to learn more about us as a family, Liam's adoption or just to find out what-in-the-world is up with Que's name.  :)  We'd love to have you stop by!

Que & Brittany 

Adoption is about love!
Check out our blog and spread the word to help our family grow!
queandbrittany.blogspot.com

Imagine

As with a lot of my National Adoption Month posts...I've put this up before.  But I just LOVE it so much.  So many people think adopted kids are screwed up...that their lives will always be horrible, suffering, miserable existences.  Seriously...just google adoption and you'll find (too) MANY blogs dedicated to negative adoption experiences.  They call us baby stealers...adoptees say they would have rather been aborted than adopted...and much worse.  It makes my heart hurt.  But I know that isn't the case.  Adoption can be sad...and hard, but it can also be WONDERFUL and AWESOME.  We fall in the second group.  Adoption has blessed our lives in so many ways.

So here it is...I could watch this 100 times in a row.  Gives me goosebumps everytime.

Hoping to Adopt: Dustinn, Valery, Bradshaw & Olivia

I met Dustinn and Valery last September at an FSA Activity.  They had recently moved to the area and wanted to find some adoption friends.  We had just experienced the loss of the twins and Valery was SO supportive and kind.  Over the last year we've spent more time together, and the more we get to know them, the more we love them!  They are fantastic parents to their two children: Bradshaw & Olivia and I know additional children will be given the same love and attention.  

Hellooooo,

We are Dustinn-Val-Bradshaw-Olivia, a family hoping to grow through the miracle of adoption!  As a family we have a lot of fun playing at the beach, riding bikes, and wrestling. Dustinn and Val met in college and have been married 7 years. Bradshaw is 4, Olivia is 2, and they do everything together--including get in to mischief together. Bradshaw remembers when we were blessed to adopt Olivia, so he prays at night that we'll adopt a little brother/sister to play with.

We live in the suburbs of Chicago in what we consider the best of all worlds.  :)  We have the urban experience of being able to walk to anything your heart desires (craft store, Parisienne bakery, theater, sushi, libraries) while only living two blocks from the beach!  

We love life and cherish every day with Bradshaw and Olivia.    

If you know an expectant parent considering adoption and think that our family may be a good match, please welcome them to contact us or find out more: 

Check out our profile on LDS Family Services here.
Check out our adoption blog (work in progress) here.
Or email: dustinnandvalery@gmail.com

with love,
Dustinn, Valery, Bradshaw & Olivia

Australia

I have posted this before...but I LOVE it so much.  I think it gives someone not directly involved with adoption an idea of what it's like in our world.  

 

(This was originally posted on April 20, 2010

& again on November 9, 2010)

Different Trips to the Same Place

By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column.

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait--and wait--and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with other who also traveled by sea rather then by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are about to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

Hoping to Adopt: Michael & Michelle

I met this couple one year ago when they attended our Walk for Adoption.  Michelle expressed an interest in helping with this year's Walk and we took her up on her offer.  We became friends and have enjoyed having them as a part of our adoption circle of friends.  They are both very kind, fun people and they will make fantastic parents.  I have also had the pleasure of meeting some of their extended family and they are wonderful!  They are all VERY supportive of Michael & Michelle's hope to adopt.  

We are Michael and Michelle and we are a fun, family-oriented couple hoping to build our family through adoption!  We have so much love to offer and cannot wait to raise a family. 

We have been together since 1999 and have been married since 2002. Our personalities complement each other.  We are different in many ways, but that seems to bring out the best in each of us. Michael is friendly and outgoing, Michelle is reserved and nurturing.  Michael is analytical and Michelle is creative.  Michael likes to tear things down and Michelle likes to create things and make them pretty.  We are constantly learning new things from each other.

We like going to Chicago White Sox games.  We bowl in a mixed league on Wednesday nights, but aren’t on the same team (Michael tells everyone it’s because he wants to win).  We go to the movies and love going to concerts with our friends.  We like to take road trips and have also traveled to Hawaii, New Orleans and the Dominican Republic.  We also enjoy going to plays at the local theater.  We can't wait to share our interests with our children!

We are really looking forward to adopting a baby!  We hope to be able to share with them their adoption story and make it part of our family's story.  We cannot wait to share our faith, our interests, our values and our love with a child.

http://michaelandmichelleadopt.blogspot.com/

Positive Adoption Language

I've posted this list before...but now that adoption is a reality in our lives I think it is even more important for this list to reach all those we know and love.  We haven't been on the receiving end of too many hurtful comments...but when we first got Miles I can't tell you how many times close friends and family said things like "Did you meet his real mother?" or "He is so cute, how could she have given him away?" or "I love my babies too much...I could never give them away like that."  Right now it's just ME that gets my feelers prickled...but in a few years when Miles starts hearing this kind of talk...that will make me one pissed off momma bear.  He was NOT given away...his birthmom DOES love him...and {{I}} am his REAL mother (seriously...I have a court document that says I'm a mother...do you??  he he...I jest.  Kinda)

So here is a list Adoptive Families Magazine put out a few years ago.  It's simple...and has most of the offensive phrases.  You love us?  Ok..maybe, but I KNOW you love Miles.  :)  Read it.  Pass it along.  

National Adoption Month & 30 Days of Thankful

It's that time of year again...30 Days of Thankful AND National Adoption Month.  

Last year I think I overdid it a bit...posting every day.   It made me tired...and I'm pretty sure it made some of you tired!   I'm still going to post about adoption...but it will be less.  On Wednesdays it will be a post about something adoption related and on Fridays I'll spotlight some of our friends who are hoping to adopt.  I might throw in another adoption post here and there...should I feel so inclined.  If you wanna get in on the National Adoption Month goodness...you can!  Here are some EASY ideas of how you can spread the positive message of adoption:

• Write a blog post featuring someone's adoption story or a couple hoping to adopt
• Tweet about adoption
• Do a Facebook Status raising awareness about adoption
• Read an adoption themed book in your child's class at school
• Ask your local library to create an adoption related book display
• Make a donation to Blessings in a Basket or Birthmother Baskets
• Attend a local adoption event (find them here)
  

And as far as the 30 Days of Thankful...I'll be putting those up...they'll be in the '30 Days of Thankful' tab up near the top.  At the end of the month, I'll post them all (in case you missed them...I know you'll want to read them...cause you love me)  You wanna join in on the Thankful good time?  I'd love to have you!

If you're going to participate in either National Adoption Month or 30 Days of Thankful...leave a comment with your blog address or Twitter feed and I'll link you to my side bar!

Pfew!

What a busy month!  I hope through the barrage my posts you thought about adoption in a different way or that your hearts were touched by some of the tender stories that were shared by my guest bloggers. I know I am grateful that I had the month to be immersed in adoption.  It has filled my cup with hope.
I was curious what a mod-podge of the words on my blog over the last month would look like so I plugged it into Wordle and got this:

Click on the picture to make it bigger.

Not surprising.  (Never used Wordle?? It's cool.  The more a particular word shows up in the text provided, the bigger font it is...try it out, it's fun to play with)

And now I wonder, what was your favorite 

National Adoption Month post?

Good read

I almost missed today!! 
If you've been hanging around my blog long enough you've heard our point of view on adoption, and I've had a couple birthmother points of view on here...but one I think would be powerful for you (at least it was for me) to read is a birth-grandmother.   Remember back here when I was so excited about being featured on some friends' blogs?  Well Stefanie was one of those who spotlighted us, and she had an awesome post on her blog (she's also been doing the National Adoption Month Challenge) a couple weeks ago that was so good to read.  It is written by her mother...describing her point of view and her emotions as her daughter announced her pregnancy, and then placed her baby through adoption.  I am warning you now, that you WILL need tissues for this one.  It is SO worth the click...I promise. 

Go HERE to read what Stefanie's mom had to say.

Adoption Symbol

You may hear people say adoption triad, it is a common term used to describe the three sides of an adoption: the birth family, the adoptive family and the adoptee.  The triangle in the symbol represents those three sides.  The heart intertwined represents the love involved in the relationship of adoption.
The picture above is a pendant, you can purchase it here.

I also found this one, that I LOVE:

It is beautiful, I love that it has "many hearts one beat" inscribed on the sides of the circle.  You can find it HERE.  Many Hearts One Beat was kind enough to donate some of the raffle prizes for our Walk for Adoption.  They have a lot of unique adoption related gifts on their website.

Guest Post: Divinely Appointed Friends

I am on the board for the Illinois Chapter of Families Supporting Adoption.  It's a wonderful organization for people who have been (or in our case, who hope to be) touched by adoption.  We have quarterly activities (we were the ones who planned the Walk for Adoption) and provide support to each other.  Our chapter is part of a large region, and through the region I've "met" (only online and once on the phone) someone in the Colorado Chapter, her name is Corrine.  She and her husband adopted their daughter and she blogs HERE.  A couple months back she posted a wonderful story...it had me in tears (adoption related posts can do that pretty easily).  It's called Divinely Appointed Friends, and it is a great example of how God uses us to help bring others together.  Enjoy it!

Divinely appointed friends

I love the saying from CS Lewis : " You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another."
This couldn't ring more true with the friendship i have with Jessica L.
Here's our Story...

We had just moved to CO 2 days prior. We attended the Adoption Training in CO before we even moved into our new house. It was wonderful and we were overjoyed that we were here finally and getting the process underway all at the same time. The 1st Sunday at church was Fast and Testimony Meeting. I bore my testimony and thanked those who watched my kids while we attended the adoption trainings.

After the meeting a sweet lady in the hall asked me if we had been selected already for placement. I told her no, not yet and she began to tell me that she Knew someone looking into placing their unborn child for adoption . Her eyes welled up and she told me it was her daughter. I hugged her and she let it out and i told her "Well, God sure knew that i needed to be in this WARD for a reason. Regardless if she places or picks us, we are meant to be in each others' lives."

The following weekend came up and Renee(woman in the hall) became ill so, we brought her over some dinner that night and met Jessica. We only talked for a few minutes but it was like meeting an old friend. The following week she was at her moms again when we stopped by. We chatted some more and she told us about making an appt. with LDSFS and wanting to figure out what she should/ could do for this child.
We Had her over for dinner with her family and talked about everything. I had the best feelings of love for her and her family. I always reinforced that "we are NOT your friends just b/c you might place". She knew that too. Her and my husband were like brother and sister and very silly together. Jessica has always felt like part of our family...
Then one day we met at a Local Park and went for a jaunt around it and she told me she had MADE UP HER MIND. She said " I'm 100% positive that I'm placing this baby. I know i cannot do it on my own- nor do i think it would be best for the child. I know someone else needs this baby more than i do right now! And if adoption families are anything like yours... I'm totally In!!!"
I was so excited that she made that choice and something inside me knew that this is why we were to be in her life. That night we searched profiles online together. She came across this family and they looked adorable and she pulls out this tiny folded paper with their names on it! " My Bishop told me a bit about this couple"
I could see her face gleam! But, Jessica is a very analytical person so, no rash decisions were made. I told her to talk to her case worker about learning more or meeting the couples she was interested in!

- In the meantime I was offering FREE photography to adoptive couples in the area. And the Couple she saw on IAL (J&C), were scheduled to shoot updated pics for their profile about 5 weeks out from the time she saw them on the blog.-

So, a week or so passes and Jessica meets another family and she really liked them. They had adopted their 2 children and were awesome people. She called me after the meeting and i asked her how it went and she said "great but..." Then explained about her desire for a bit more openess than they were willing to have. So, it was something to think about.
I still had these feelings that we were divinely supposed to be in her life and i couldn't deny it! But one night while in the peace and quiet- I had the strongest impression that " she is not your birth mom, she is meant for another family" I had such peace and reassurance that it would be alright and when our time is right it will happen.
So fast forward a week and J&C's pictures were scheduled but it was pouring down buckets so we scheduled for a later date. I asked Jessica how she was and we texted and talked all the time. And 2 weeks before she actually met J&C, i met their friend at a park and as i told J&C's friend about how I think Jessica could possibly pick them and i hoped she would- her friend and i got all choked up. I let a few tears out and was so happy that I was able to help her see how amazing adoptive families are.

The following Sunday, Renee (jessica's Mom) and i chatted about J&C and she told me how She felt something special too for them.(we cried of course while we talked of them) And Jessica had still never met them. Only chatted via email.

So that week Jessica was supposed to meet them on Monday and we were going to go float the river on Thursday. So, i called Jessica on Wednesday and she told me that She hadn't met them yet but was meeting them tomorrow in the morning. I asked her if she wanted to float the river still and she said "yeah, why not!"

So Thursday morning came and she met up with me at noon on the River. She was grinning from ear to ear. She told me how much she liked them and how cool they were and so on. All along the slippery river turns, i kept waiting for her to tell me that 'They were the ones" But she didn't. She just said i need to think about it over the next 2 months and weigh out all the couples. I kept reassuring her that we really were happy for whomever she chose. Finally at our late lunch we talked more and i broke down and asked " didn't you feel something different with them than you have with us or the other couple?" She said "Honestly... YES!"

I about shot out of my seat with JOY and she said "but i still need to think about it" I said " really-? if you feel so strongly for one couple and it feels right- the it's Got to be Them!!!" She finally said she didn't want to hurt our feelings but she KNEW it was to be them! And i finally told her that i knew weeks ago she wasn't to be our birth mom! She was a bit shocked and i told her Brandon knew too. He would say things like " when you meet the next birth mom- don't be trying to hook her up with other couples etc.." He was being a protector of my heart and emotions saying that- not a control freak b/c you all know how emotionally invested we all get with the Expectant parents.
So, we were both excited that She KNEW and had found her couple. Then Jessica said a dreaded thing for an adoptive mother to hear " I think i will wait till 2 months to tell them though" I was totally not cool with that but was along for the ride so- whatever? A few hours later she shoots me a text and says she's going to tell them in 3 weeks. I said sure but i thought "if she felt it when they met, i bet they did too and how that wait would kind of be agonizing- but- it's her call"

The next day, I get an email from J&C following up on our profile photo shoot for the following day (a Saturday) and I was thrilled for them but dare not say a word.
I texted Jessica and told her that i was shooting them in a few hours and would happily put on my smile and pretend that I KNEW NOT what she told me:)
She called me back and said " I have been up all night- and kept thinking if they felt the connection that I did with them- why should i wait to tell them? So, Let's Surprise them at their photo session!"
I was flipping out excited and ready to put on my best acting face ever.

We shot calls back and forth to coincide this little plan to work flawlessly. J&C met in one parking lot of the Belleview Park and Jessica and I met in the other.
I took J&C to the said corner of the park and began to shoot them and tried to keep their eyes on me while Jessica bolted across the park. When i pulled my lens away from their faces- Jessica was there. And They were shocked!!! They hadn't talked to her since 2 days before, when they first met her!

Jessica says something like "Hey guys, sorry to surprise you so suddenly but, i just can't wait any longer. (they were sitting down still) " I know what i felt when i met you guys and I want you to know that i KNOW you two are to be the Parents to my child. I choose you to adopt her!"

Of course i got all choked up snapped a picture and left them to take in the magnitude of the occasion. It was like a piece of Heaven
Opened up for many of us that Day.

I had perma-grin walking away from them b/c i am just so happy for all 3 people.
Since then, Jessica and I hang out almost weekly and J&C do all kinds of activities with FSA and some with her too! They are so prepared and have waited for 2.5 years and had 4 BM's online try and scam them- all for emotional support too.

They are such a deserving couple and Jessica is such a strong willed woman, it makes me happy to see that they are getting such an amazing extended family with Jessica and her mom and a few others. I am so blessed by this experience and much has happened after this with Our (brandon's and my) involvement in the adoption world! (read our blog to find out more).

And I KNOW that God Puts people in our lives, friends, associates, members or our community or churches to Help us in areas that we need to be strengthened in. We both have learned from each other and I have gained an even greater testimony of birth parents! And even though she's not our Birth Mom- She truly will always be Our forever friend because of this part of our lives. There is a reason you are where you are!
This rings the MOST true to me:
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
and again this :
" You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another."

This couldn't be more true in the Adoption World! Thanks for having me share this!
-------

As of lately... I have been involved with planning the joint Baby shower for both adoptive parents and Jessica, and took these Photos of the couple with Jessica! Please see my photography blog for more pictures of this shoot! And make sure you ASK to use them on your sites/blogs etc... I'm happy to please email me at brandonandcorrine@gmail.com!

~Corrine C.
www.brandonandcorrine.blogspot.com

pictures: Jessica's Baby Bump,
J&C with Jessica when she announced "the News", Jess and couple at 8 months
Jessica with my husband Brandon- walking in the parade with us to advocate for Adoption- part of the CO chapter.

Black Friday Shopping...Adoption Style

As you're getting ready for Christmas shopping, if you have anyone on your list that's been touched by adoption, here are some ideas for goodies to put under their tree or in their stocking.
 I swear this post is not selfishly motivated...although there are lots of things on this list that I wouldn't mind owning :) (Hey...my b-day AND Christmas are coming up...hint, hint)

Chosen: Songs of Hope Inspired By Adoption can be found on Amazon.com HERE.

AdoptionBug.com has really cool adoption t-shirts.  They've got shirts for international, domestic ans foster adoption for the whole family.  They were gracious enough to donate a gift certificate to our Walk for Adoption, so I'd love to be able to refer some business to them.  This one is my favorite:

For the wee ones, this esty shop has some adorable little onesies and tees.  They also sell adoption related and custom made silver pendants.  The shop is run by an adoptive mother who had to endure a long, contested adoption.  I can't wait until I can buy this onesie:

I already posted this once before, but it is awesome enough to get posted again.  You can buy this art print HERE.  I think this would be lovely framed and in a child's room.  I just love those little animals!

Many Hearts One Beat has a large variety of adoption relate gifts.  They have books and apparel and jewelry...gifts geared to birth families and adoptive families and adoptees.  Lots, and lots to choose from.  One cool gift is this Arrival Day Tree.  The idea is that you plant this on the day you bring your child home, and as it grows it symbolizes your family's love growing.  I would love to do this...and if we were going to be living in one place for the next 20 years or so I totally would. 

Any of the books I featured HERE or HERE would be wonderful additions to any adoption library.

For the spiritual ones on your list, an Adoption Prayer Bracelet might be a good choice.  The bracelets were designed by an adoptive mother.  I think it would be sweet to get a matching set of these...one for an adoptive mother and one for the birth mother. 

Adoption Mama has some witty, sarcastic t-shirts for those witty, sarcastic peeps like me...wait, am I sarcastic??  No...definitely not. ;)  This one is awesome.  In case you can't read it it says: "Have I met her real mother?  Yes...it's me"

If you're braving the crowds today - Happy Shopping!!

Thanksgiving

Today's adoption post is simple.  I am eternally grateful that I live in a day and age where adoption IS an option.  Without it Nathan and I would not be lucky enough (someday) to be called Mom & Dad.

Hoping to Adopt Spotlight: Josh & Kenna

I stumbled upon Kenna's blog through a friend of a friend's blog.  I was touched at her honesty.  She has gone through some pretty heavy things in her life.  Oh, and she has THE CUTEST bunny ever.  Seriously. 

Well, hello! We are Josh and Kenna. We are enjoying our 5th year of marriage, and we are currently on the path towards our adoption. Our path towards parenthood was not meant to be short or traditional, but we have embraced adoption as we have seen it work miracles in our own lives as well as many others. We know this is what years of infertility have lead us to and we are grateful and excited.
This past year we experienced a reversed adoption, as well as a failed placement. While this has been hard and painful, we know that the Lord will bless us if we remain hopeful. Adoption is our plan A, and will be no matter what the obstacles.

Josh & I are easy going individuals. We love being outside, especially the beach. Josh loves to ride the waves on his boogie board and I like to lay out in the sun with my ipod. If we aren't outside, we are inside watching a good flick or engaging in some healthy Wii competition. We love to be active and to spent time with our family and friends.

We can't wait to welcome a sweet little to our family! We would love an open adoption and look forward to getting to know you and continuing our relationship through letters, pictures, and visits.

If you would like more information about Josh and Kenna, please visit:

http://shumwayadoption.blogspot.com/

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23686317/ourMessage.jsf

More Adoption Myths

One thing that always surprises me is the wild and crazy myths that get thrown back at Nathan and I when we tell some people our hope to adopt.  There are so many misconceptions and incorrect stereotypes...I try whenever possible to help dispel some of these myths.  Here are some of the more common myths.  I got this list from HERE. 


Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.

Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can.
Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption.
Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child.
Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges.
It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption.
Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

Adoption Fact Sheet

This Fact Sheet is something that gets sent in our LDSFS outreach packets.  I know that there will always be people that fall outside the stats in any study, but I think as an overall picture this is pretty eye opening. 

Adoption Fact Sheet

Children of Married Parents

• Children who live with married parents tend to have higher grades, are more likely to attend college, and experience lower rates of unemployment. ¹
• On average, children of married parents experience better physical and mental health, have lower rates of substance abuse, experience less child abuse, and are less likely to commit suicide or engage in criminal behavior. ²
• “What has been shown over and over again to contribute most to the emotional development of the child is a close, warm, sustained, and continuous relationship with both parents.” ³

Children of Single Parents

• Children raised by a single mother are six times more likely to live in poverty, twice as likely to drop out of high school, and two to three times more likely to have serious emotional and behavioral problems than children who grow up with both parents. 4
• During middle childhood, children raised by single parents have high rates of chronic health and psychiatric disorders. 5
• On average, teens from single-parent homes are more attached to their peer groups and less attached to their parents’ opinions. 6
• As teenagers and young adults, “being raised in a single-mother family is associated with elevated risks of teenage childbearing, . . . incarceration and with being neither employed nor in school.” 7
• Children of unmarried women are likely to need to assume adult roles prematurely. 8
• “Single mothers . . . report less perceived social support, fewer contacts with friends and family, and lower levels of social involvement than married mothers.” 9

Benefits of Adoption

• “On an index of self-esteem, adopted adolescents compare favorably to” those who were not adopted. 10
• Children who were adopted as infants have better health, see mental health professionals less often, have fewer behavioral problems, and do better in school than children born outside of marriage and raised by the unmarried mother. 11

For more information about LDS Family Services adoption services, please call 1-800-537-2229 or itsaboutlove.org.

Sources

1. See William J. Doherty and others, Why Marriage Matters: Twenty-One Conclusions from the Social Sciences (Institute for American Values, 2002), 10–11.
2. See Doherty, Why Marriage Matters, 11–17.
3. Armand Nicholi, “The Impact of Parental Absence on Childhood Development: An Overview of the Literature,” Journal of Family and Culture (autumn 1985), note 3; as quoted in Bill Muehlenberg, “The Case for the Two-Parent Family,” National Observer—Australia and World Affairs (Sept. 2002), 44.
4. Kristin A. Moore, Report to Congress on Out-of-Wedlock Childbearing (1985); and Patrick Fagan, “How Broken Families Rob Children of Their Chance for Future Prosperity,” The Heritage Foundation Backgrounder, no. 1283, June 1999; cited in Adam C. Olson, “LDS Family Services Helping Parents,” Ensign, Oct. 2004.
5. “Executive Summary: Report to Congress on Out-of-Wedlock Childbearing,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service (Sept. 1995), 12; cited in Infant Adoption in Michigan: Reviving a Vanishing Phenomenon, Michigan Family Forum (2005), 4.
6. Ross L. Matsueda and Karen Heimer, “Race, Family Structure and Delinquency: A Test of Differential Association and Social Control Theories,” American Sociological Review 52: 171–81; cited in Why Marriage Matters: Twenty-One Conclusions from the Social Sciences (2002), 16.
7. Executive Summary (Sept. 1995), 12; as quoted in Infant Adoption in Michigan (2005), 4.
8. See Elizabeth Terry-Humen, Jennifer Manlove, and Kristin A. Moore, “Births Outside of Marriage: Perceptions vs. Reality,” Child Trends Research Brief, April 2001, 6.
9. John Cairney and others, “Stress, Social Support and Depression in Single and Married Mothers,” Social Psychiatry Psychiatric Epidemiology (2003), 38:445
10. Search Institute, “New Study Identifies Strengths of Adoptive Families,” from June 1994 Source Newsletter; www.search-institute.org/archives/gua.htm; retrieved September 27, 2006.
11. See Nicholas Zill, Mary Jo Caoiro, and Barbara Bloom, “Health of Our Nation’s Children,” Vital and Health Statistics, series 10, no. 191, and Nicholas Zill, “Adopted Children in the United States: A Profile Based on a National Survey of Child Health,” testimony before the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Human Resources, May 1995; cited in Patrick F. Fagan, “Adoption: The Best Option,” in Adoption Factbook III (1999), 3.

Pass Along Cards WORK!

Once you dig into the online pro-adoption world you find out it is a very small world.  You start reading a blog and click on a link, and then another link and then you see someone you know!  One day through a series of clicks I read a blog that told the story about how pass along cards matched a couple with their birthmother.  Brittany (the author of the post below) and her husband Que adopted their baby last October.  You can read their blog HERE...she's got lots of good stuff on her blog.  

The one where you learn how it happened

This past month has been amazing and it would not have happened if it weren't for our pass along cards (thank you Jill!) and of course, my mom and Kristina. In short, our birth mother found us when she got two of our pass along cards from two different people in one day! (Pass along cards work, people! I can't stress this enough!) :p

Here is how it happened:

In April, Que and I went to dinner with my dear friend Kristina and her husband Adam and at the end of the evening I happened to give her some of our pass along cards. A few days later, Kristina said when she went to get her hair done, her stylist mentioned that her roommate was pregnant and was looking at different families, so Kristina gave her one of our pass along cards. (And then her roommate happened to come in the salon and Kristina met her!)

Very shortly after that, my mom told me she had just been to her hair salon and she noticed 3 children come into the salon to get their hair cut. Her stylist told her they were so close in age because they were all adopted. My mom then told her about us, and her stylist mentioned that another stylist at the salon had a roommate who was pregnant and was in the process of looking at families. So my mom gave her our card.

My mom and Kristina had been going to the same salon and didn't know it; and as I said before, our birth mom ended up getting our pass along card twice, from two different people in the same day!

Fast forward about 2 months.

On June 4th (the day before we left for Alaska) our adoption caseworker (Rachel) called me and said a birth mother wanted to meet with us. (This was the first time we had gotten a call like that! We were so excited!) Rachel said the birth mother had not yet made a decision but still wanted to meet. But because of our vacation and her work schedule, we didn't end up meeting for 3 more [agonizing!] weeks.

After returning from Alaska we found out that the birth mother who wanted to meet with us was the same girl that had months before, gotten our pass along cards from Kristina and my mom.

It turns out she had our cards in her wallet for months and she said whenever she opened it, there we were. :)

~~~

See!  You can do something to help us!!  We ordered a bunch of pass along cards back in February.  Then we were matched with C  so we never sent them out.  When the adoption fell apart I didn't really think about the cards, until I started cleaning up the desk one day and found the boxes of them.  They are so cute...I remember when they came in the mail I was SO excited.  They're small, we chose business card size because they'd be easy for you to carry in a wallet...so they'd be close at hand should you have an occasion to hand one off to someone.  If you'd be willing to keep a few and pass them out for us, I'll throw some in the mail...just email me your address.  (Thanks to those of you who already have some of our cards...Kala, Sterling and Jaime)

Here's one of our designs (I couldn't help myself so I designed five...yes you read that correctly...FIVE designs):