Truffles

All year we have been collecting items to send to our families in their Christmas packages.  Last week at the market I grabbed a large bag of chocolate truffles to send in a few of the boxes.  Then evening before last, after Miles went to bed, we pulled out everything we'd been collecting all year to sort into piles and see what we still needed to pick up so we can get our Christmas packages in the mail.  I took the truffles and put them in the appropriate boxes and went to bed.  The following morning Miles wanted to investigate the pile of boxes.  He saw the brightly colored, shiny truffles and picked one up in his chubby little hand.  He brought it over to me and pointed to my hand, which is what he does when he wants me to open something.  I thought "what the heck" and opened the truffle and gave it to him.  He took a tentative sniff, then a lick (you can tell his brothers are cats), and decided it was safe to eat.  After one, he tried for another.  I told him no, tears ensued, I tried distraction, which worked for about 2.3 minutes.  He ran back into the room, straight for the truffles, grabbed another, came to me and handed it to me.  I caved.  I am powerless to resist the chocolate-eyed adorableness.  

Fast forward to the evening.  Daddy comes home from work, we have dinner, and are playing together when Miles suddenly leaves the room.  We wait a few seconds, then hear a crinkling sound that I recognize as the chubby handed fishing of truffles out of a box.  We wait for him to return to us to have mommy open the delicious treat.  Only the sound of crinkling isn't followed by the sound of heavy footed toddler steps back in our direction.  It is followed by silence.  Which is not golden when you have a toddler.  We make a break for the other room.  

We find him, kneeling on the floor next to Grandma & Grandpa's box.  Wrapper discarded on the floor, chubby fingers wrapped around a ball of chocolate.  "CHEEEEESE" he says, accompanied by a big grin to show of his teeth, and then he pops the truffle in his mouth.  Now he looks like a chipmunk smuggling enough nuts for a family of 8 for the whole winter.  We move towards him, but those deep chocolate brown eyes glisten and another "CHEEESE" freeze us in our tracks.  With a loud giggle he jumps up and runs out of the room.  I don't chase after him to scold him...I can't...he's just too cute.  And after all I am proud of him for figuring out how to open the wrapper all by himself. 

He will never be able to do anything wrong. 

We are in trouble.

Love this!

(you can click on this to make it bigger if you can't read it)

Mood lifter

I have been in a bit of a funk since Sunday and I just couldn't lift it. Then I got an email from a friend, laughed and decided to check out a website. Fundamentally I understand it is wrong for me to find the images on this site as funny, er, no, hilarious. HILARIOUS I TELL YOU. To make myself feel better, I am passing the website along to you. So you can laugh at others too.

Ready for it?




Are you??



Ok, it is People of Walmart. The premise behind the site is that you get (er, sneak?) pics of people/cars at Walmart that transcend into the realm of ODD and send them to the site and they are posted for all the world to laugh at, er, I mean see.

Those of you who have shopped at Wally World have probably noticed that among the ranks of 'normal' humans searching for the best deal on mayo and diapers there is the occasional, um...ABNORMAL one. (Is that PC?) Not a Walmart shopper? Let me illustrate by showing you a few of my faves:

(Pink pants? check Green jacket? check Cowboy boots? check...oh, and ya, it's a dude)

(Yes, that is a flashlight being used as a headlight)

(Funny story...I did this to my mom once. She was shopping at Mervyns and had me and all three boys with her. The twins were 5 months old and crammed together in the front seat of a double stroller. Mitch was 18 months old and in the back seat of the stroller. I was 3 and leashed. I apparently thought it would be funny to get on all fours and act like a dog. Complete with barking. Yep. Barking. My poor mother)

Sorry mom...

I snapped this at the dog beach last week. I wonder who scratched the mom off?

Need some belly laughs?

My friend Bethany had this on her blog...I got a few deep belly laughs out of it so I wanted to share. I thought it was a good way to start a long weekend.

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• That's enough, Nickelback.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart.”
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
• What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice- breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?
• It really ticks me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fatty before dinner.

Never in a million years...

You''ll never guess what I found.

Drugged by my parents

My SIL Michelle sent me this. (If you click on the picture it will get bigger...this easier to read for those of you who need large print things.)

Spring

You know how I can tell for sure that warmer weather is here and Spring has finally sprung?

Tulips blooming? .......nope
Buds on trees? .......nope
Birds chirping? .......nope




Sweeping up enough cat fur dust bunnies in one day to make a cat? ......yep

Meeting the neighbors

So we moved into this fabulous building on April 2nd. The landlord had misplaced the mailbox key and the garage door opener and he assured us that he would have replacements to us in 48 hours. It is now WAY past 48 hours. We took matters into our own hands. We FINALLY found a mailbox lock the right size and installed it ourselves. Yesterday I went with my new buddy Sara to Lowes in search of a garage door opener. After the assistance from the resident door/window helper we were on our way. When we got home I tried to program it myself, but you need to push a button on the back of the motor and that is easily 12 feet up, and as I am no giant, I gave up and left it for Nathan.

He woke me up this morning (er, LATE morning...like 11:56...don't judge) and told me he did something bad. I am thinking something along the lines of eating all the leftover Easter candy, killing the dog, etc. No, not that he tells me. He then tells me that as he was programming our garage door opener he erased the code from the motor and therby made everyone else's openers NOT work. But hey, he says, ours works now! (That's my eternal optimist)

So as I relay this moment of hilarity that so fits the our lives, he is going door to door in the building, explaining the situation and fixing each and every opener. At least he'll get to meet all the neighbors!

Close encounter of the homeless kind

I had my first real encounter with a (well I assumed him to be) homeless person last week. Yep...first of probably many I'm sure.

Nathan and I walked the 10 minutes or so the the Metra stop and when we got to the top of the platform I noticed there was a guy sitting on the other end of the long bench. I do get spooked easy when it comes to being safe (Remember Seattle?... My OCD manifests itself in all things safety related) so I picked a spot on the other end of the bench from the mysterious guy. We sit down and then it gets wierd: (I tried to spell out some of his funky pronounciations and slurs...an audio version of this would be WAY more entertaining, but this will have to do)

Wierd Homeless Guy: Hay, what's your name?
Holly: Holly (oh crap...did I just give him my real name??!?)
WHG: What's your frieeend's name?
Nathan: (leaning out in front...shouts in a gruff voice) NATE.
WHG: Whatcha doin?
H: Waitin for the train
WHG: You got kids?
H: Nope
WHG: Want one?
H: Someday
WHG: I tell you where you can get 'un reeeaal cheap. One dollar.
(It is about now that I get a whiff of what sweet smoke and realize this guy is baked.)
H: silence
WHG: See ov'a there, that grey buildin'?
H: Yep
WHG: No, see the grey one? ...Look... See the red one then white one then red one then tan then grey. Right?
H: Right
WHG: With all the ads, right?
H: Right
WHG: Lotsa babies. One dollar will feed them.
H: Oh
WHG: Sssshhhh!
H: silence
WHG: We gotsta be quiet. Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: Baaad people. They tried to kill my sistuh.
H: That's not good.
WHG: Nope. They spit in her cheeseburger. So I gave her twenty dollas. Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: Cause I'm her big brother.
H: silence
WHG: I tell you what. I like you. I tell you whata do. Go to the check cashing place. Give them twenty-five dollas. They give you three back and a pass. Good for all of it.
H: Oh.
WHG: You know where that's at?
H: Nope
WHG: Ov'a there. Under that sign.
H: Oh, ok
WHG: Sshhhhhh! Quiet!
H: Oh, sorry.
WHG: Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: They listenin.
H: silence
WHG: Know who I am?
H: Nope
WHG: The powleece. Backups comin.
H: silence
WHG: I gotsa job. You prouda me Holly?
H: Yep
WHG: Know where I work? AA giggles. For real. You prouda me Holly?
H: Sure, that's great.
WHG: You can get it there. Under that sign. See the sign? We meet there ev'ry night at six o'clock til nine. Coffee with nine sugars and three creams.
H: That's a lot of sugar.
WHG: giggles. Yep. You can meet us. You know how ta get there...turn 'round and go down tha stairs and go left. See the street lamps? Over there, the fancy lookin ones?
H: Yep
WHG: Over there. Go. Six o'clock. mumbles
H: Ok
WHG: Know who I am?
H: The police?
WHG: No. I'm Peter Pan. giggles
H: Oh (man this guy is psycho...he's on his second joint by this time)
WHG: I gots me some Reeeeeeces. I'm good with Reeeeeeces, huh?
H: Yep
WHG: You know the babies? In that grey buildin? I gots mine.
H: Oh. You got yours there?
WHG: Yep. Lexus. Porsha.
H: Like the cars
WHG: ...and Elizabeth
H: That's not a car.
WHG: Nope. Royalty.
WHG: Know who I am?
H: Nope
WHG: Stevie Wonder. He's like Michael Jackson and Prince. mumbles
H: silence
WHG: Where you goin on the train? Don't go to the city.
H: Why?
WHG: Baaaaaad people. They're listenin.
H: Ya, isn't backup coming?
WHG: giggles. Yep.
(Nathan has been trying to get me up to walk away for the past few minutes. We can see the train pulling up in the distance I finally give in and get up to walk away. Our little homeless buddy gets up too)
WHG: You read papers?
H: Sometimes
WHG: Here. Have this 'un.
H: No, that's ok. Don't you want it?
WHG: Nah. Here. (walks towards us...he hands me the Chicago Sun Times) See ya. (He smiles and I notice he has only a handful of teeth. He is carrying a bag of Vitamin Water and smells of sweet smoke.)

We got on the train and had a good chuckle over the whole thing.

I'm not hungry anymore, thanks.

I reached in my desk drawer to get a piece of candy for a guy at work and I found this:





At first I thought it may have been smashed by a machine during packaging...then I looked closer and saw tiny teeth marks...

I think I just solved my candy craving problem....

Sometimes you're the bug...

...and sometimes you're the windshield.

Need a close-up view??  

Poor Sad Nathan...a.k.a. windshield

I guess he won't be riding his motorcycle through the swamps in Logan in the evening anymore.

That was NOT in the job description

I noticed the date today (not that I don't notice it everyday) and it occurred to me that I have been gone from the Chamber for 2 years.  I got all nostalgic and my memory wandered to the many odd tasks I had been asked to do over the years.  Data entry while being 'grounded' to my desk is bad but I have been asked to do worse.  

When we moved to RI I contacted a temp agency to help me find a job.  I was assigned one and I showed up on Monday the following week.  The second day I worked I was asked by my boss to remove all the drapes from the windows in the building and then hang the new ones - after ironing them of course.  So there I was all dressed up an standing over an iron...

It got me thinking - what are some of the most outrageous things your past (or present) bosses have asked you to do?

Liar, Liar pants on fire

In my job as a receptionist I have the wonderful opportunity to speak with several telemarketers a day. I have put our numbers on the National Do Not Call Registry but apparently this does not apply to businesses... grrr. On average I would say I get between 15-25 calls a day from said telemarketers and as of late their 'entry line' is getting more and more creative. I still get the "Can I please speak to the person in charge of ordering supplies?" or "Can I please speak to the Office Manager" - in which case I kindly transfer them to a voicemail set up that goes like this: "Thank you for contacting ---- Construction Company. We do not accept solicitation over the phone. You may leave information on your product or service on this voicemail and if we determine it is something that would be of use to our company we will contact you."

Now I have no problem with them normally - I understand they are a business and they need to make money, blah, blah... I do hate the phone calls asking us to renew someone's free subscription to (----fill in one of many titles here---) magazine - of which I get at least 3-4 a day. However, I recieved two calls today that caused me to ponder if these companies crossing the line of honesty. This is how the first one went: (Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty)

Me: Joe Shmoe Construction, how can I help you?
TM: Can I please speak to whomever is in charge of maintenance at your facility? I forgot his name.
Me: Maintenance of equipment?
TM: No, the grounds.
Me: The grounds? At which location (we have 6)
TM: The ------, -- location (conveniently, the city where our PO box is...) I spoke with him earlier but I have forgotten his name.
Me: Earlier today?
TM: No, earlier.
Me: We don't really have someone in charge of maintaining the grounds, what specifically were you looking for so I can get you to the right person?
TM: Flooring. He called me asking a question about flooring and I am getting back in touch with him.

Now at this point I KNOW they are not being honest with me, but my Ms. Manners brain doesn't let me scream "Liar, Liar" into the phone... so I transferred him to someone who I knew would be honest with them and -not too politley- ask them never to call again.

Here is number two:

Me: Joe Schmoe Construction how can I help you?
TM: Can I please speak with Susan? (Now Susan is the president but she's kinda like the Queen of England - she has the title but doesn't have much power...in fact, she only comes in the office once a week to sign payroll)
Me: She doesn't work here in the office, is there someone else that can help you?
TM: Well, this is Stan from XYZ Aquisitions and I sent her an e-mail yesterday and I was just following up to see if she had received it. (Ok, liar liar... she doesn't have company e-mail...lets see how far this kid's nose can grow) Is there another number where I could reach her?
Me: She is home most days - she only usually comes in once a week.
TM: Oh. Well can you check to see if she recieved the e-mail I sent her?
Me: She doesn't have company e-mail (ha, ha, the jig is up!). Is there someone else who can help you?

The conversation goes downhill now - he knows he has been caught and he knows that I know...I forward him to someone I know is gone today and tell him he'll have to leave a voicemail.

Does it bother anyone else that they are getting a little shady now?? Joy (link to her blog on side) tells of an experience where someone actually claimed to be her brother and was calling asking for money...the funny thing is that she is american and she is living in Taiwan...and the man who called was Taiwanese...

Funny...whether you're red or blue

Too funny not to share

When I was playing this Frankie perked right up...it was so funny watching him try to figure out where the kitty was.

I know you're trying to help, but...

We decided to put our Christmas tree up today - afterall, last year we didn't get it up until 2 weeks before Christmas. So we pulled out the tree, fixed a few lights that were out and started putting it together...then Frankie decided he wanted to help. We have had three cats (before Frank) still be in the 'kitten' phase around Christmas and we have NEVER had any behave like this...



Here's still shot of 'Santa's Little Helper'

Winston, happily watching Frank getting scolded for climbing the tree.

Those blasted Pirates are at it again!!!

Just had to share...I almost choked on the water I was drinking when I saw this!

Chester Drawers

Ok...this is pretty funny...I'm just warning you -

So Nathan and I have been married for 4.6 years and I have noticed sometimes when he gets flustered he switches words around...for example...

One day he was venting about work (back in the navy) and said: "That is just the camel that broke the straw's back!" I thought that was funny

He related a story then about how he was on boot camp and someone was being a jerk...he said to them: "You need to pull your a#@ out of your head!"


BUT today takes the cake...earlier Winston hid from us and we thought he got out through the garage door which was cracked...you have to understand, Winston is a COMPLETELY indoor cat...we couldn't find him and we were worried, well Nathan finally found him hiding behind a chest of drawers in the unfinished bedroom in the basement. Tonight while eating dinner, we were talking about 'losing' him and this is how the conversation went:

Nathan: 'Whenever you can't find him just check behind the Chester Drawers"
Me: "Did you just say Chester Drawers?"
Nathan; "Yes, Chester Drawers"
Me: "You retard its Chest Of Drawers, not Chester Drawers" (I know it is not nice to call anyone retard...but it is a term of affection we use..)
Nathan: "I always wondered why it was called Chester Drawers..."

Needless to say I got a pretty good laugh over the whole thing!

Well I need to go to sleep...we have to get up early and get our tuition paid...I ended up changing my schedule a bit - I don't want to overwhelm myself and end of failing classes...so I dropped Statistics and the Interior Design class...I'll take them another time.

how embarrasing...

I was reading someone else's blog and they mentioned some pretty embarrasing stories...and got me thinking of my own moments during which I wish the earth could have swallowed me whole to avoid the embarrasement that was sure to follow...so I thought, why not share...everyoone needs a good laugh now and then...BUT the deal is, if you read, you too must share - via the comment section - because I am not the only one getting embarrased today!

Ok...so I was a bit of a band nerd in High School and College...ok, more than a bit...I was a BIG band nerd...

My freshman year at college I was on the USU drumline. We were practicing our first day at drum camp out on a patch of grass and it was getting late and we were all tired and hungry..well JT (our leader) was NOT going to stop yet...so we were marching around fast and crazy and I tripped...and within a matter of milliseconds the entire drumline was on the ground...a guy named Jeff (funny, funny guy) yelled "The Hell?" - complete with a southern accent, hysterical - it became the catch-phrase of the season - anyway there was some blood and one guy actually needed stitches and there were many bruises...when they found out it was me, man I NEVER lived that one down...way to make a great first impression huh? oh, but the funniest part was there were a couple old people watching us practice and when we fell they all just kinda looked around and walked away - he he he

So then my sophomore year I was on the drumline again...and we were marching from the practice field to the stadium right before the game and I totally biffed it...dented my drums (I marched the tenors/quads...big nasty 45lb things), ripped holes in the knees of my uniform and I did it in front of the ENTIRE USU football team...to make matters worse (as if they could have been) the team doctor took me into the team's locker room to fix my knee up...talk about embarrased...

So by now I had earned the nickname 'trip' and everyone always joked about it and teased me...

Junior year comes along and This one time at Band Camp we were doing drills on the hot pavement and it was almost lunch-time (once again, not good to leave me hungry) and I tripped (couldn't let the pattern die now could I) and got pretty nasty road-rash on my knees - in fact I still have a ocuple tiny bits of asphalt stick in my left knee - blood was running down my legs, soaking my socks but T Rohrer was not going to let me get out of marching...so at lunch I hobbled to my friend Jenny's apartment and she tried to get all the asphalt out of my knees...you know how sometimes something hurts so bad you feel like you want to throw-up...that is how this felt. At least the first time I fell it was on grass...and the second I had pants on...this time there was nothing inbetween my knees and the 105 degree asphalt...OUCH!

Nathan still calls me trip...and I don't let him down, about every other month or so I trip on something...stupid feet

Ok, I have shared - now you must too...bring 'em on!