Halloween Teaser

Here is what Nathan and I are for Halloween this year:

I'll post a pic of us later so you can see how we did. :)

(Oh, and enjoy the Halloween tunes I picked out!)

Book Group

I am setting up the book list for Nov-March...so head on over and suggest some books, especially if you have a good idea for holiday-ish books for November and December.

Also - if you participate in the bookgroup - or even if you hope to someday participate...go over and click on the 'Follow this blog' link.

Thanks!!

I'm not hungry anymore, thanks.

I reached in my desk drawer to get a piece of candy for a guy at work and I found this:





At first I thought it may have been smashed by a machine during packaging...then I looked closer and saw tiny teeth marks...

I think I just solved my candy craving problem....

And just when you thought....

When I came home for lunch today I found our dryer broke.  Now this dyer should NOT be breaking...it is only a little over two years old.  I was so frustrated, and to add to it I now have a pile of wet clothes to deal with.  I head back to work, head still throbbing, and now wondering if I have enough clean undies to make it through the week...

So I get home after work and try to decide what type of nourishing goodness I want to shove in my face so I can take some more pain killers.  Nothing really sounds good, and after pillaging the cupboards, fridge and freezer I found nothing that I considered acceptable.  Then it hits me:  Beef & Cheddar....mmmm...  So Nathan and I zip off to Arby's (cause I figure I should eat what sounds good to me, right?)  On the way back from picking up our deliciously-fattening-yet-spot-hitting meal were discussing the merits of leaving here (because lets face it, neither one of us really LOVES it here...) and we see red flashing lights in the rear view mirror.  Yep.  The policeman comes up and asks us if we know why he pulled us over.  No clue.  Turns out one of the headlights is out...Nathan gets a fix-it ticket and we are sent on our merry way.  I could not stop laughing.  I laughed because off all the bad things that have happened to us in the last two years, I laughed for all the tears shed, I laughed for financial strain, I laughed for being sick and feeling lonely and I laughed for the lost camera.  Getting pulled over was just the perfect capper to the day...and I couldn't help but laugh, because just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...

OCD

Sometimes my OCD comes in handy...take for example our move from RI. When we packed our house up, (because I didn't trust anyone else to so it as good as I could) I had a system. Each box was packed according to what room it would go in at the new house. Each room was assigned a color (kitchen was red, family room was orange, bedroom was blue, etc). When the box was packed it was assigned a number, which was printed on little circle tabs in the assigned color and placed on three sides of the box. Then colored tape was wrapped around the box so we could identify quickly which room it belonged in. Each box was also listed on a spreadsheet. I recorded the box#, room, contents and date packed. I also had a column for date unpacked. My obvious display of OCD helped once we got here, as I was able to unpack very quickly.

It also helps when planning parties or any other event. Nathan will tell you that I am queen of lists. I makes lists for EVERYTHING. Some things get more than one list. (You should see the ones for our Halloween Party...) I have one notebook all full of lists/notes about baby things. Like a list of what to take to the hospital for the birth, people we want to send announcements to, projects I want to complete before the baby is born (all broken down by trimester too), wish lists of things I want to buy, etc. The ironic thing about that whole notebook is we aren't pregnant...and now that we are going to adopt, many of those lists will not be needed. But the exciting thing is that new lists will have to be made (yay for lists!!)

The OCD makes things tough for me too...especially when I have no control over a situation. It stresses me out and causes insomnia, headaches, etc. I actually keep a notebook and pen at my bedside so I can write lists in the middle of the night...which is {supposed} to save me from the insomnia. Putting my thoughts on paper {supposedly} gets them out of my head so I can sleep...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That is where Ambien comes in.

That brings me to our current situation: I lost our camera. Well, I'm not sure if I lost it or if Nathan lost it...but it is lost nevertheless. Not my new Nikon (thank heavens!) but our little point and shoot digital. Now, I know it is just a camera, but it is FULL of stuff from the football games. Videos, interviews, pictures...all of which have not yet been downloaded. I am freaking out that I may have lost all that stuff and I will have not enough material to do the band video. We have torn the house apart, checked every inch of both cars and it remains nowhere to be found. This creates quite a problem for my OCD brain. I cannot sleep, I cannot work, I cannot focus on anything else...I'm not even hungry (which is ASTOUNDING)... all I can think about is that blasted camera.

So last night at about 2am (so I guess technically this morning) I thought about something that could help me {maybe} find our camera. I got up and went online to look at our bank statement (yes, at 2am...) and found something that helped to narrow down our search. But my mind was still racing, I had to consciously stop myself from waking Nathan to talk to him about it, you know, because he had to get up in two hours to go to work.

Here's to hoping we find it soon - or I think my brain may explode.

(Oh, you know how on Excedrin bottles it says to not take more than 2 in 24 hours? How important do you think it is to actually follow that? I just took my 5th and 6th tablets in 48 hours...this headache WILL NOT go away)

Guess who I ran into today...

Remember this?? Well he came into my work today. He came in to see one of the guys I work with and I asked his name and he said Gary Olsen...I thought to myself...'No, it can't be'. So I eavesdropped on part of the conversation he had with our guy and it is DEFINITELY him....crazy huh?

It is almost ready...

Nathan and I spent last night Halloweeny-ing our house.  Our front porch looks awesome...now we just have to acquire a few pumpkins and some corn stalks and I'll post a picture of it.  

I am also looking for a new treat idea in the way of halloween food...Here's a typical run-down of the smorgasbord:

• Kitty Litter Cake (see here)
  
• Devil Eyes (deviled eggs)
  
• Bat Wings (Spicy chicken wings)
  
• Embalming Fluid (soda with a frozen jello hand) (See link for cake)
  
• Gum Rotting Gumbo (candy)
  
• Skin Chips & Curdled Blood (chips & salsa)
  
• Brain and Crackers (cheeseball in a skull and crackers)
  
• Awful Arachnids (royal icing spiders.  Not sure if these will make the cut this year - they take F.O.R.E.V.E.R.)
  

Any ideas for an addition(s) to le menu?  Maybe something I could do with mini cupcakes?

This is Halloween, this is Halloween...

(cue the Nightmare before Christmas music...)

My friend Abby turned me onto CakeWrecks.  It is a hilarious website devoted to cakes gone wrong...which admittedly would not be hilarious if it were my cake.  For some good laughs go daily.  I checked today's cake and saw a most excellent cake.  (for fun she posts awesome cakes gone right on Sunday)  See for yourselves:

I LOVE the Nightmare Before Christmas...and this cake is absolutely FABULOUS!  If I were this talented I would make it for our Halloween party - not that we'll be lacking awesome treats for that though (I'll be sure to post pics).

as I was saying...

Not much going on here in our household. Nathan and I still spend our days in service to 'The Man'. (Notice how evil bosses are referred to as the MAN, not woman?? hehe) Winston and Frank are on a diet...they are chunking up a bit much. Winston is NOT happy about this new arrangement, he would prefer to have a trough of food slung around his neck and for me to fan him and feed him treats...seriously. So at 3am when they are hungry because they have gorged themselves and now their dishes are barren, they come-a-cuddling...and by cuddling I mean purring too loud and biting tender places. Winston's favorite 'I'm biting you so you'll feed me' spot is the back of my arm...you know, the part that eventually turns into batwings? That part. Ouch.

We are getting our house ready for my favorite holiday: Halloween. (Isn't it funny that my favorite holiday isn't the one I was born on??) Decorations will go up and preparations will begin for the Fright Night Fest at our pad. If you're in the neighborhood - feel free to party crash (well, not actually crash, because I will probably kill you for ruining our fun...) - costumes are required. I am VERY VERY excited for our costumes this year...I can't wait to post the pic here. :) But for now it will remain secret so that if I am putting on my winter weight too quick and can't fit into it and end up changing ideas, no one will know. :) Maybe I should go on a diet with the fur kids... ?

I am also honing my photog skills. I have been snapping photos of the beautiful fall, and of course of the fur kids, and tomorrow I'm taking fam photos for a friend of mine. If you need to be shot (hehe, lame joke I know) let me know - I need the practice!

Well, gotta run, I must report back to The Man. Four more hours until freedom!

Remembrance

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I have several friends who have also lost babies and it can often feel like a lonely pain to suffer. I wanted to make sure people were aware of this day. If someone you love has gone through the horrible experience of losing a baby, hug them tight today and tell them you love them. And my friends out there who have lost, I will be thinking of you today. :)

Here are some sites I found helpful.

http://www.pregnancyloss.info/ is a tremendous source for everything reltaing to miscarriage. It answers all your questions - whether they be of physical nature or emotional. If someone close to you has suffered a miscarriage this site will give you some good info on how to help the person grieve and heal.

http://www.october15th.com/ is a site dedicated to today. There is info on this site about local remembrance activities - if there is not one in your area, think about starting one.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is one of the most selfless things I have ever heard of. This is a group of professional photographers who provide their service to families during their time of loss, and they do all of this for free. I want to spread the word about them - because I don't think many people are aware of their services. And I would hope in my heart of hearts that no one would ever need them, the hard truth is that chances are, someone who reads this will need them at some point, whether for themselves or a close friend or family member. I know my brother-in-law's family would have loved to have them when they lost their little Hannah.

Almost

I almost didn't notice what day it was...almost. I was on facebook leaving happy birthday messages for a couple people and I glanced at the date...October 9th. Funny thing is that I have been typing things this morning with the date on them and have written out the date at least a half a dozen times already - but it wasn't until I coupled it with a birthday that the painful truth surfaced on my conciousness.

Today we should be celebrating our sweet child's second birthday. I should be worrying about balloons and cake. I should be party planning instead of fighting back tears. Two years after that loss we have yet to have a successfull pregnancy. We've lost two more and have had months and months of heartbreaks...each time there is only one line on that test a little bit of our hope is chipped away.

Even if we were not actively trying, we kept hoping that someday our miracle would happen. Full of optimism and hope, we approached our Dr about fertility treatments again. In fact, we just finished three rounds of Clomid - for some reason I thought it might work for us this time....I should have known better. I didn't tell many people about it because I didn't want to get anyone else's hopes up and I didn't want everyone constantly asking if I had ovulated or if it worked. Feeling like a failure is easier if you don't feel like you've also disappointed everyone else around you. So I (and poor Nathan) suffered through hot flashes, mood swings, irratibility, cramps, and dashed hopes for four months...all for naught.

Losing a baby is not easy - and in a way I am glad that of the three, I only remember one due date. I think there is a part of my brain that has shut out the dates and memories of the second and third losses...a defense mechanism, for my heart.

Tough Decisions

It's hard when you are faced with tough decisions in life. Some people have advised us to make Pro/Con lists...but what happens when the columns are even? We have evaluated our current lives and where we want to be in five years and have found that we have three main goals we would like to accomplish.

1 - Adopt some kids
2 - Stabilize our finances (pay off debt, build our savings)
3 - Get my degree

We have looked at and analyzed (ad nauseum according to Nathan...but hey, that's the OCD in me) our choices for the next step in our lives with these goals in mind. While I admit it is wildly optimistic for me to hope that one choice would yield positive results in all three goals, I had hoped for that very outcome...I thought if I got three check marks next to a choice it would make the decision a little easier.
Now we are stuck, because no option allows for all three goals to be realized. We must weigh each goal and decide which is the most important and make our decision accordingly... while also considering the Pro/Con list and adding the weight those Cons and Pros...

The hard thing for me is deciding which Con I could live with. Some are heftier than others - but all are still Cons. I could choose one path that would help us financially, but would leave me alone for months at a time, thousands of miles away from any family in a country where I do not speak the language. Another would enable us to adopt, but I would have to deal with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) which is scary when I have a history of depression. Yet another choice would place us close to a small amount of family, in a beautiful climate, but would limit my school options and I'd find myself co-habitating with rather large multi-legged creatures...

I wish I could peek into the future and see just a sliver of my life in 2-3 years...to know which choice to make, which path to take, which Cons to choose.