News!!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

This pic doesn't have anything to do with the job but I had throw it in because we're just so stinkin' cute.

It is only temporary, but hey, a job is a job! The contract is for 3-4 months...so I'm guessing I'll work 'til sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing, but from what I was told it will be basic admin/clerical stuff. The hours are crazy...some days 6-2, some 8-5 and some 12-9. I can deal with that because you know what a job means???

Getting out of the house on a daily basis? Yes, but that's not it.
Conversation with other humans? Definite plus, but not the reason I'm looking for.
Money to pay the bills? Obvious plus, but still not the one.
Give up?



I can FINALLY buy curtains for our living room!!!!

Wanna see the ones I've been lusting after?

Cabinet rehab

I don't know why, but whenever Nathan is on tour I get bit by the creative bug. I also don't know why this bug tends to make its appearance at around 11:30 at night. Every time. The victim this time? This cabinet:


I picked up this beauty at a yard sale (for $5!) way a few years back. It has been in quite a few rooms, serving different purposes. It now holds our DVD collection. This cabinet almost did not make the cut when we were downsizing before our move; but I knew that someday I would get some inspiration and it could be fabulous.

Enter these medallions:


I saw an episode of some design show where they used these and it gave me an idea. I took the door off the cabinet and attached the medallions to the front of the door. I glued them and let them dry, then whipped out my paint. I painted the whole cabinet with my paint of choice (Olive Suede) and then once it was dry I painted some accenting on the medallions:


I just slopped the paint on over all the raised parts, then used a paper towel to wipe off all the excess. I attached the new faux-antique glass knob and viola:



I am IN LOVE with it. The paint color is perfect. I had to lighten the pic so you could see it...to get the real view of it, you'll have to come visit. :)

Until-ing

I was reading a good friend's blog tonight and she has also recently had large changes in her life including a cross-country move. She had some great ideas/comments and it got me thinking. I think as humans we feel this innate need to look ahead. After church today (yes, I went to church...we've been six weeks in a row. Don't faint, and don't check the skies for flying pigs) I was talking with another woman about infertility. She asked how long we had been trying for a baby and as I heard myself say five years, it hit me. I have spend FIVE. YEARS. waiting for something. That time was spent always thinking into the future. Waiting until I ovulated, waiting until I saw those two pink lines, waiting until my next Dr's appointment. I catch myself saying "Until..." all the time.

Until we get pregnant.
Until I find a job.
Until we move.
Until we have a homestudy done.
Until our house sells.
Until we are out of debt.
Until I lose weight.
Until I have curtains in my living room.

You know what? I'm tired of 'Until-ing' myself into disappointment. If I am always waiting for something I am going to miss everything. From here on out I am going to focus more on enjoying the now. I know it will be tough, but I know it will make a difference.

New Direction

I have decided to look down other roads. If something comes up on the job front, it comes up. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

I have a great sister-in-law who presented an opportunity to me. She is a consultant for Scentsy. I use Scentsy warmers and LOVE them so I thought it would be a perfect fit. So in case you ever get the hankering for an AWESOME warmer, just let me know. You can go to my website here or on the link on my sidebar. From my website you can order anytime you want - you don't have to come to a party or anything. So if you run out of Havana Cabana and want some, just hop on over and order it. Once things start picking up for me I think I may even do giveaways. :)

Oh man...

A while back I interviewed for a job. The recruiter who contacted me about the job treated me like I had NEVER had a job before. When I had my interview she called me SEVERAL times to remind me to dress nice and arrive a few minutes early. She also tried to alter my resume and butchered it. (read here)
Anyway - she contacted me on Tuesday late afternoon about a temp job with the same company. Not my idea of a perfect job, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. So I told her I needed to talk it over with my hubby and I would call her first thing in the morning. I called her Wednesday and told her that I was in, but I couldn't start the day they wanted: the 31st (my mom will be here), it would have to be the next day. You know what the Idiot Stick Figure said to that?

"Oh, ok, the 32nd"

Seriously. It hung there in the silence for a good thirty seconds (silent because I was too stunned to say anything), then she giggled and corrected herself. She said she would talk to the account manager with that company and call me that afternoon...I haven't heard back from her. She probably got lost on the way back from the bathroom.

Dixie

(You have no idea the amount of internal arm twisting it took to actually post that picture with my overly dusty steering column)

On the way home from bookgroup last night Dixie hit a big milestone. (Oh, and I wasn't driving when I snapped this pic...what kind of driver do you think I am??!?) Yep, that says 100,000.
She has seen a lot of pavement:

Moved from Utah to Virginia
Virginia to Rhode Island and back to Virginia for Thanksgiving
Moved from Virginia to Rhode Island
Moved from Rhode Island to Utah
Moved from Utah to Illinois

Sometimes I find myself lusting after a newer, shinier, quieter vehicle. But then I remember all the good times we've had riding around in this little lady. Plus, she has been paid off for several years...MAJOR bonus.

Well Dixie, here's to another 100,000!

The art of rejection

Last week I was contacted by a company about a job. I interviewed on Friday and was told they would be doing round two of interviews on Monday. I was chosen for a round two interview and had that on Monday afternoon. They told me they wanted to move quick. They wanted to have the person hired and ready to go by Thursday. I had all the necessary qualifications. Accounting experience, event planning experience, reception experience. It was also located only 3.6 miles right down the street. It was perfect for me. I was perfect for it. I felt like I knocked the interviews out of the ball park. I was witty, charming, happy. I got good vibes back from them. Several family and friends said they had a good feelings about this job.
I was told I would hear by yesterday at three o'clock what their decision was. I woke up, went on my walk and began waiting. I was a nervous wreck, so I took a nap. I read, surfed the web, watched TV. Anything to get my mind off the ticking clock.

The later in the day it got, the more my anxiety went away. I could feel the cloud of rejection pressing down upon me, strangling out the hope I was holding on to. Three o'clock came and went with no call. I paced with the phone in my hands for ten minutes. I finally amassed the courage to dial the number for the call I knew would yield no positive result. The woman answered, told me they had 'Chosen another girl'. I respectfully asked for feedback. She said I was great, they just 'went with someone with more experience'. I thanked her and hung up. Immediate the tears began to well. I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed. I felt...rejected. I stumbled to the bedroom and cried for a while, allowing myself to feel the things I hadn't let myself feel. Feelings I had pushed away so as not to show weakness. I examined myself, searching for flaws. Was it because my hair was pulled into a bun? Was it because of my weight? My teeth? The shoes I wore? My outfit? I had all the experience they could have ever wanted. I knew I was being let down easy and I was angry. I thought I had the right to know the real reason why I was not chosen. I thought I had the right to a phone call to tell me so, instead of having to anxiously wait all day only to call and learn of my rejection in that way.

I made myself a batch of pity cookies. I thought they would help, but the sweetness did little to heal the bitter wound of rejection. I found myself unable to sleep last night. My mind wandered down the paths of self-doubt and frustration. When I finally found the slumber that eluded me it did nothing to cure my sadness.

I awoke today with all the emotions still frothing near the surface. I am exhausted from the job search. It has been four months of rejection. I feel like I need to do something else. Something that will heal the wounds left by the pain of repeated, constant rejection. Something that will lift my spirits. I will be on the search for just such a thing. I hope to find it.

Five Years

This month marks a pretty big, albeit unfortunate, milestone for us. Five years ago this month we decided we wanted to expand our little family of two. We decided we wanted late night feedings and diapers and screaming children. When we first started I never would have thought we'd be five years down the road still waiting. A lot of things have changed over the five years, some good and some bad. I have lost a few friends over the uncomfortableness of our situation, but some unlikely pillars of strength have risen to support and love us. I have been amazed at some people's complete lack of sensitivity and then there are those who touched my heart by their kindness.

I have had done a lot of soul searching and contemplation over the five years. Among my soul searching I have had some serious internal debates on hope. On the one hand, hope gives you just that little bit of light in the darkness when you feel all is lost. But on the other hand I have wondered if having hope is bad. Clinging to hope in a hopeless situation isn't healthy. I remember hearing somewhere that hope stunts emotional growth. I can see that. Over the last year I have done quite a bit of grieving over the loss of never being able to carry children. I have come to terms with the reality that in all likelihood I will never bear children and I am ok with it. Now. It took a long time to get here. Yet, every once in a while someone will tell me of someone they know who tried some 'miracle' remedy and got pregnant. That used to ignite all sorts of hope within me, but now it only frustrates me. I have dealt with the pain of moving on. I am ok with it. That doesn't mean I still don't get a broken heart every now and then when someone I know announces they are pregnant or gives birth to a baby; but holding on to the hope that I will miraculously conceive is holding me back from hoping for another miracle.

I think the key is knowing when to change the focus of your hope. Where before I would hope for morning sickness and stretch marks, I now hope that somewhere out there a young woman who is facing a situation that is tough is thinking of other options. She is being told what to do by friends, family, strangers, doctors, etc. I hope that at night, when the world has gone silent, and she thinks of what she wants for the small life growing inside her, that she wants the child to have a loving, supportive family with two parents. I hope that someone who knows of our hope will come in contact with her, and that they will speak for us. I hope that she will choose the hardest thing anyone could ever have to choose. I hope to get that phone call. I hope to have to pack quickly and make hurried travel arrangements. I hope for that.

I feel optimistic about our search for a baby for the first time in a while. Nathan has graduated. He has a great job with benefits and a steady paycheck. Once our house sells we will start the ball rolling. The ball that started rolling so long ago in the deepest desires of our hearts.

Should you feel so inclined

Our realtor is fantastic. She and her hubby have been working this week on finishing the bathroom in the basement of our home that is for sale. We are hoping that having a second fully finished bathroom will help in the sale of our house. It NEEDS to sell.

So I am inviting any of you who will be fasting tomorrow to join Nathan and I in a fast that our house will sell quickly.