I am generally a positive, smiley person. People that I work with, or wait on comment on it...I say this only to explain so that what comes next and the frustration I'm feeling.
We have been dealing with infertility for 3.5 years.. and it is just as hard now as it was 2 years ago...it doesn't get any easier. My body just can't seem to keep a baby and we are in NO position to adopt. I try to not let it get me down, but sometimes things just blind-side me...today one of those things happened.
Some dear friends of ours just sent out a mass e-mail announcing they are expecting. They are a great couple and were planning on having kids so I should be happy, right? Then how come when I read the e-mail I felt as if I had been punched in the gut?!?? I don't know how to stop feeling this way, just when I think I am over it something happens to prove that I am SO NOT over it.
I should be happy - I made $95 at work last night, and I just finished a really cute skirt which I made WITHOUT a pattern! :) But everytime I hear about pregnancies in people close to us I just shut down. I block everyone out. I realize that I do this to 'protect' myself, and my feelings - but how do I just come to terms with the fact that I may never have children...?? How as a woman (and being a member of my religion which is SO very child/family centric) do I just SHUT OFF that part of me? I just can't and I thnk it is ruining my life.
6 comments:
Holly, Sorry I have'nt been around much lately, was battling depression for a few months, I hope someday you can have a baby, you would make a great mom !!!!!!!! I love your new decorations in your journal, Hugs Lisa
I'm SO sorry Holly
Love KIM
Holly, I do not think you can shut off those feeling. I think that is perfectly normal. Don't give up!!! I know you guys will have kids someday. We keep you in our prayers and wish we could do more. Just hang in there and realize that you guys are loved!
Holly, I am so sorry. I wish that I could just snap my fingers and poof, you would have a baby. But I can't. My heart goes out to you!
Hi Holly:
I COMPLETLEY understand what you are going through. All I can tell you is when you do finally get your baby (no matter which way they come, through adoption, or miracles) you will remember the pain and heartache you endured for so long and it will all have been worth it! Im so sorry and you are not alone!
Love, Kara
The first time I miscarried I hated every single person with a baby. I couldn't stand pregnant women and glared at them in stores. I wasn't happy for my friends who had kids, even if they had also had miscarriages previously.
This isn't terribly helpful in that I don't have an answer for you on that. At least you know you're normal I guess. Or we're both crazy. Take your pick.
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