Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Musings of the baby kind

The day before yesterday at the store I stood in that row and stared at the brightly colored boxes before me.  You know the row...THAT row.  The one where you stand in front of hope or pain: first Response or Tampax.  I didn't expect to be standing there...looking over the aisle of broken dreams.  I got tremendously nauseous last week and then this week it felt like my boobs were trying to recreate the blow-up blueberry scene from Willy Wonka.  I chalked it up to impending uterus tantruming and ignored it.  But the nausea got worse, and the boobs were so painful I couldn't wear a bra.  Of course there was the part of my brain that wondered if said uterus had in fact been occupied by a squatter...after seven years of trying to have a baby there are some things your brain becomes hard wired to do.  But I put it off.  Until the day before yesterday.  As I stared at the box that had caused me SO MUCH HEARTACHE over the years I almost found it comical that I once again needed it for an answer.  We haven't thought about trying to occupy the uterus for years.   So I grabbed it and a box of Tampax too...just to be prepared.   The plan was to test this morning.  I remembered from all those years ago that the first of the morning had the highest levels of the hormone you need to get a positive.  As Nathan and I lay in bed last night we mused over all the what-if's.  I wondered if my half-marathon in October would have to be post-poned...we both wondered how long we'd be able to keep the secret.  The last slice of my dream I remember from last night was me taking the test and seeing two lines...and being so elated.  I woke up, snuggled my little Miles for a minute, delaying the test...not wanting to disrupt our morning rhythm.  As my beautiful little boy watched Elmo, I snuck off to the bathroom to get some answers.  And then I saw it.  One line.  

And just like that I remembered all those tearful nights and frustrated years.  And I cursed that little box for giving me a glimmer of hope...a hope I wasn't even hoping for until I bought that stupid box.   

Today's Scores:
Infertility: 1

Holly: 0

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Beautiful Boy

Isn't Miles just such a beautiful boy? I mean, I know he's a boy and I should say handsome...which he is. But he is BEAUTIFUL. 

Love this kid.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Still here...mulling it over

Thanks for your comments on the last post.  (which sadly was almost a month ago)  

I am still trying to find a way to fit everything I want to do into my life.
getting my photography business off the ground,
acting as Ombudsman for my husband's command,
being in a multi-lingual Primary presidency where I also frequently act as a teacher, singing time leader, and pianist,
training for the marathon (did I forget to mention that?...Rome March 23, 2014),
planning & prepping for my month long vacation (am I seeing you?  why not?!)
keeping the house together, cleaned, and stocked with food,
making time for hubby,
teaching Miles everything he needs to learn,
staying spiritually fit...
And also keeping in touch with friends and family...via FB & instagram

 The list goes on and on.  And I am tired.  I feel like most days the time gets away from me just doing the routine stuff.  I know I am not the only one who feels this way, I have many friends (all of you) who are also busy...some busier than me.  How do you do it?