Sunday, January 30, 2011

Oh, PS....

...I quit my job yesterday.  :) 

I have never really liked my job, even in the fall of 2009 when I was a temp...but I knew my employment there had an expiration date so I stuck it out.  When I got offered the position again this past May, I took it because I thought I'd only be there until mid-August when the twins would be born.  When that adoption failed I decided to stay and work until we were placed with a baby. (I never imagined we'd still be childless six months later)  As the months wore on I remembered just how much I disliked the job.  Crazy hours, the hour commute, working 6 days in a row...sometimes 7, working holidays (yep...even major ones like Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving), all the drama, being called stupid, getting yelled at on an all-to-frequent basis...good times, right? 

I've been thinking about quitting for a couple months now...especially after the hellish month of December.  (Remember that one?  Where my boss told us just two days before Christmas that one of the four of us was being let go the first week of January?? one was ever let was a scare tactic)  I've weighed the pros and cons and debated back and forth...but could never quite come to a final decision.  I got in a yelling match with my supervisor and came home in tears twice last week...but even that didn't seal the deal on leaving.  You wanna know what did??  On Thursday night when we heard the news about that adoption situation falling through, my first thought was "Oh crap...that means I'm stuck at my job."  Yep...before I even thought "Oh crap...I'm not going to be a mom."  I quit the next morning.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

These are the times that try men's souls

2010 was a rough year.  As Nathan and I stood arm in arm watching the ball drop as the final few seconds of 2010 ticked away, I couldn't help but bid good riddance to a year that had caused us so much heartache.  We toasted to a better, awesome, fantastic 2011.  We went to bed and woke to a wonderful we kept private (except from our friends Joseph and Alison who happened to be at our place that morning...from whom we could not hide our excitement).  2011 was already off to a good start.  We had {finally} received our first contact through the website.  It was from a young woman and her boyfriend, who found our profile, loved us and wondered if we were still interested in adopting.   (Um, of course we are!!)   We wrote up a response and had it sent off by lunch that day.  Later that evening we got a copy of the response...or at least that's what we thought.  I should explain something quick...when someone contacts us through the website it goes through a screener in Salt Lake before we see it...and our responses are sent though the same screener before they are sent on to the recipient.  It's kind of a pain, but it protects the privacy of both parties...until you both decide you want to move to the next step in your relationship.

After a couple days I started questioning if our response had been sent to back to that couple...or just to us.  So I inquired with the screener in Salt Lake.  A couple days later she tells me that she made a mistake and accidentally sent it to us instead of to them.  Seriously.  So she forwarded it on...four days after the initial contact.  We wait and wait and never get a response.

Fast forward to last week.  I couldn't get them out of my mind.  I felt like we needed to respond on Tuesday we sent off an email.  The screener in Salt Lake forwarded it on...only to have it returned as undeliverable.  She forwarded me the copy of the undeliverable message.  At first I was bummed...but as I scrolled down through the message my mood lifted when I noticed the young woman's email address.  Now I'll admit I struggled with knowing what to do...but I consulted with a couple trusted friends and came to the decision to send an email directly to her from our adoption account.  I fired it off and within an hour I got the same undeliverable message.  So I did the next logical thing.  I googled the email address....nothing.  So I searched Facebook...and got a hit.  It matched to a profile of a girl who had the same first name as the young woman who had sent the initial contact message.  I wrote a long message, explaining the situation and trying my best to make me seem as little like a stalker as I possibly could...and clicked send.

Yesterday we got her response.  Turns out that she never got our initial response.  Only a couple days after she sent her message to us, her email got hacked and she had to shut it down.  Then she told me that they hadn't heard from us and since "time was ticking, we decided on another family". 

Now I know that everything happens for a reason, and obviously that child wasn't meant to be in our family...but it doesn't take away the hurt...or the frustration.  My confidence in our agency has been shattered...our hopes once again dashed.  Needless to say, we haven't stuck to our new diet this week...chocolate and gummy bears soothe the soul.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


On Monday we had our new home inspection.  It went pretty good.  I worked early in the morning so I could get home by noon, finish up the little cleaning we had left and be ready for our visit at 1:00.  It is no secret that we've had our share of frustrations with our I wasn't looking forward to our visit.  I knew it wasn't going to go well...and I was going to be upset afterwards.  I just wanted to get it over quickly, eat an early dinner and get to bed. 

Boy were we shocked!  Our caseworker came, visited, inspected, chit chatted, listened, etc...and the whole time he was here (which was like an hour) he was kind and gave good counsel and didn't say ONE insensitive thing.  He also said that he'd leave our profile up while the amendment was completed!  This was 100% different that what he had originally said (which was: "Don't worry, your profile will probably only be down for a couple months.")  When he got up to leave I wanted to pull a Scooby Doo and try and get the mask off his head because I was sure he had to be an impostor.  Good thing I didn't...that might have put a kink in our approval. 

Once all this new paperwork is filed and ready, we'll be good to go for another year.  Here's to hoping we've adopted by then so we won't have to do another re-do.  Finger's crossed!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The UNITED States

We just got done watching the State of the Union...and I loved how the members of congress sat all mixed together.  I always disliked watching the SOTU and seeing the opposing sides of the house so visibly divided.  Clapping and not clapping and scowls and cheers and the like...It was very different tonight.  And I loved it. 

Go us.  America is awesome.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


If I hear one more person say to me "You're get to have kids the EASY way"  I am going to snap!  (I usually hear it at least once every couple weeks)

We moved last month.  (The new place is awesome...I'll have pics soon)  We're settled (mostly) and so now it becomes necessary to re-do our home visit.  Yep, you heard that right.  In spite of the fact that our current home study is good until May of this year, we have to re-do it now or we won't be eligible for a child to be placed in our home.  The homestudy amendment is comprised of more paperwork, another home inspection, a letter from our new Bishop and paying another fee.  Yippee.  So I will be spending my one weekend off this month cleaning and scrubbing so we'll be ready for our home inspection on Monday. 

So I repeat.  Adoption is NOT the easy way. 

Friday, January 21, 2011

When one door closes...

…the other one is super-glued shut?

Tuesday morning I got up to see my phone blinking, telling me I had new emails.  Now this isn’t unusual, I get 15 or so emails a day on my Crackberry.  I have two inboxes set up, one for my everyday email account and one for our adoption email account.  So when I picked up my blinking Crackberry to see what deals Groupon had emailed and what words of wisdom Spark People had passed along I was a little shocked to see the little red asterisk next to the inbox for our adoption account.  I quickly sat up (yes, I keep my phone by the side of the bed…um, hello…CRACKberry??!?), rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and clicked on the inbox.  There it was.  And email with a simple subject line: “Hi”.   My fingers couldn’t move fast enough to click on the message.   The message writer’s native tongue was obviously not English, but surprisingly this didn’t prickle my neck hairs (we’ve gotten a few foreign scam emails…similar to the “send us your bank account number and we’ll send you 200 million dollars” bit…uh huh).  It was from a man.  He and his wife saw our blog, and thought we looked like a nice family.  They wanted to talk a little more, said they hoped to hear back from us.  I read the message to Nathan and we decided on a response.  Then I hustled downstairs to my laptop to check out the SiteMeter for our blog.  Sure enough, late the night before someone had gone to our blog and translated the entire thing into another language and had spent a good chunk of time reading it.  I did some research and discovered that the language was Vietnamese.  I knew that adoptions from Vietnam had been shut down in 2008…I hoped that is not where they lived.  People speak Vietnamese all over, right?  I mean, they could be from California or New York…right?

We anxiously awaited Wednesday morning, and we were not disappointed.  We got another message, this one expressing concern that we would not be willing to adopt a child internationally.  We responded that we were 100% open to an international adoption.  We asked if the child was born yet, how old they were and in what country they lived.  All I could think about Wednesday was our possible impending international travel.  We don’t have passports!  We don’t have an international homestudy!  Who would watch Winston?!?

This morning I got up and checked my phone first thing.  There it was, that tiny red asterisk.  I jumped up, quickly read the email.  And my hopes fellAgain.  They lived in Vietnam.  As I read further, it turned out ok and I didn’t feel as bad.  They had a baby and a fifteen year old.  They wanted us to take both of them.  BOTH.  A baby, ok…but a fifteen year old?  As much as I want to be a parent (and boy do I), we are NOT ready to be sprung into parenthood with a fifteen year old.   So I carefully crafted a response, telling this sweet couple half way around the world who wanted us to be the parents to their children, that we couldn’t adopt them.  Even if we had been ready to be the parents of a teenager, the government wouldn’t allow it. 

So the door that was presented to us was super-glued shut (by the government).  But when I peeked through the peep hole it turned out to be something we weren't ready for anyway.  So I’ll just keep looking for another door…or a window.  I like windows, you can see what’s on the other side before you wear yourself out trying to open it.

Monday, January 17, 2011


You wanna hear something funny?  I do.  After my Patriots' embarrassing performance yesterday, coupled with a horrible mood and tantruming ovaries...I need a cheer-me-up.  

If you've read my blog for long, you shouldn't be surprised to know that I love to cook.  And I know it sounds horribly conceited, but I am actually quite good at it...just ask my brothers.  I know Brad would give up a kidney for my lasagna.  You may be thinking, what's so funny about that?  Well hold your horses...I'm getting there.   But first let me tout my skills, okie dokie?  I  {love} to cook.  I am kind of a kitchen fact my Christmas wishlist usually includes some fancy Kitchenaid item.  I like the challenge of trying to re-create something we've eaten at a restaurant...and I can usually do pretty good. 

Ok, so the funny part?  I can't boil eggs.  Seriously.  I can make sushi that rivals the best Japanese restaurants, my peanut butter cookies are better than drugs, and my chocolate coconut almond cheesecake...well, let's just say if I ever needed to bribe someone...  But when it comes to boiling eggs my mind reverts to Cave Woman thinking.  Every time I decide I want hard boiled eggs or egg salad I call my mom AGAIN to ask how to boil eggs.   :::Seriously:::   And even with her help I usually end up with eggs with gummy yolks or even worse, that nasty greenish/grey yolk.  Well not anymore.  I have a handy little tool and now I can make the PERFECT hard boiled eggs.  Seriously.  You wanna know what it is?

It is not just cute, it is SO easy to use.  You just fill your pot with water, drop your eggs in along with the egg timer and turn the burner to high.  As the water boils and the eggs cook, this egg timer starts to turn dark.   Once the dark ring reaches the mark for the desired softness, just pull the eggs off the burner and they're done!  Here's the illustration they give:
Ever since I've been using this, my days of green/gray yolks are behind me.  If you cook eggs often or only once a year, you'll love this...and they are $5 on Amazon.   I promise you'll love it. 

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Go Pats!

I love me some football!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dear Ovaries,

I just cannot understand your recent need to cause so much ruckus.  You have only one job: to make good eggs...a task you never could quite accomplish.  But now, you seem to want to make your voice heard.  Ok, I hear you.  Now stop causing me so much pain or I'll have you evicted.

The body you've taken captive

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Assisting in the spreading of the word

I've had a couple people ask how to invite people to our Facebook group, so I decided to make step-by-step instructions, just like I did for our button

First thing, you need to find the group.  If you are on Facebook (and you seriously should be...I mean, it's 2011...and honestly how else to you expect to cyber stalk the snobby girl who sat next to you in English in Junior High??), you can find the link from my profile, or just search for "Nathan and Holly are Hoping to Adopt".

Step 1: Click on "Invite People to Join".  The link you need to click on is on the left hand side under the group picture.  

Step 2: Select your friends.  You can pick all of your friends, or hand select them.  I've invited all mine, but how many you invite is up to you.  Just click on their picture and they'll get highlighted blue.  If their picture is a little faded, it's because they've already been invited, or they are already joined the group.
Step 3: Personal Message.  There is a space for you to add a personal message.  We feel like this is important.  If you're like me, you get lots and lots of requests...most of which I ignore ('s true...I don't want to feed your chickens or send you smiles or help you build your city).  But if someone has taken the time to attach a personal message, I'm more likely to accept the request.

Step 4: Click "Send Invitations".  And you're done!

Thank you so much for helping us spread the word!! 
Have you invited your friends?  If so, let me know...I just may have the urge to send you baked goods. 

Monday, January 03, 2011

Resolved: 2011

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be better with birthdays - I've tried this one before...but I'm determined to make this year happen.  You want me to remember YOUR birthday (or your spouse or offspring...) leave a comment with the dates. :)

Lose weight - For real.  No more messing around.  I have too many fabulous skirts hanging in my closet that I cannot fit my fergalicious booty in...such a shame. 

Read in the scriptures everyday - Pretty self-explanitory.

Find a new job - Mine sucks.  Bad.  Wanna hear a horrible story?  On the 23rd by boss came back into the bat cave (the name I have given to the closet that I work in) and told us that they were hiring someone new for our department and that one of the four of us would be let go the first week of January...but he didn't know who yet.  Merry Christmas.  Seriously. 

Do one random act of kindness for a stranger, once a month - Cause it makes me feel good :)

What about you?  Have you set any resolutions?

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Looking back on 2010

Last year I did something like this, and I liked it so here it is again. Here are the resolutions I set last year followed by how I did accomplishing them. 

1: Finally (may I repeat...FINALLY) get all of our stuff done to get our adoption homestudy approved - Done and done.  It took a while, and there were many, many roadbumps and problems along the way...but it finally got done and boy did it feel good to get that checked off the list.  The bad thing is now we have to re-do it, because of our move.  Oi.  Pray for us...our caseworker doesn't seem to be all that motivated to do anything at a quicker pace than cold molasses dripping down a tree. 

2: Lose some weight - Fail...I weigh more today than I did Jan 1, 2010.  I did really well until summer.  I am an emotional eater and the wicked stress/drama of the adoption of the twins did me in.  Then after it fell apart I ate my feelings.  Then the holidays came and all that darn Halloween candy, followed by Thanksgiving and then Christmas.  I have absolutely NO will power when it comes to yummy food.

3: Do something nice for someone everyday - Eh.  I was more consious of others, and how my decisions and choices affect them, but I did not make a concentrated effort everyday.  Although Nathan and I made an effort to do several nice random acts of kindness.

4: Be better at remembering birthdays - I tried.  I did better than last year, but still not good enough for me.  This one makes it to this year's list...third time's the charm, right?

5: Get and stay organized - Did some...then everything got scrapped when we decided to move.  My goal for this year is to de-junk/de-clutter/downsize and organize our new place.

6: Be able to comfortably play all 340 hymns in the hymnbook - I know more than I did this time last year...there are still a few that trip me up. 

7: Try one new recipe a month - I did ok here.  The first half of the year I did 100%...then I went back to work at the end of May and my crazy work schedule does not lend itself to time to cook.  I'm hoping after the dust settles from the move I'll get back into the cooking groove.

A+ - Finally (may I repeat...FINALLY) get all of our stuff done to get our adoption homestudy approved
F -  Lose some weight
B - Do something nice for someone everyday
C - Be better at remembering birthdays
C - Get and stay organized
B - Be able to comfortably play all 340 hymns in the hymnbook
C - Try one new recipe a month

How did you do on your resolutions last year?

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Twelve words for 2010

january: frustrated
february: hoping
march: excited
april: humbled
may: touristy
june: preparing
july: stressing
august: heartbroken
september: busy
october: planning
november: packing
december: moving