Saturday, August 17, 2013

Two lines

**this is a story about real life in which I quote my farmer/sailor hubby...those with tender ears are warned**

Remember THIS post?  Ya.  I do too.  I was crying mad, angry tears when I wrote it.  When I bought that test there were two in the box, and as I packed for our trip I had the thought to tuck the spare into my suitcase next to my giant box of Tampax.  So I did.  

Miles and I arrive in Chicago and I am EXHAUSTED, I chalked it up to dealing with JetLag with a two year old.  My boobs still hurt, which I chalked up to the impending uterus tantrum.  I have a sour stomach, which I chalked up to eating a bunch of junk.   Chicago comes and goes and still no uterus tantrum.  I almost don't even notice.  Although there are little things here and there that make me count cycle days and wonder.    

We get to Utah and more of the same.  The ladies are giant and sore...which I'm sure someone will notice.  But then I remind myself that the last time I saw any of these people I was 50lbs heavier.  I am still exhausted and dealing with waves of nausea.  I do start to suspect something may be up...especially when I get teary over dumb things.  Like the cute old man who helped me with my suitcase.  Or a commercial on TV.   Oh - and the peeing.  HOLY MOSES.  I have always prided myself on my two-liter bladder.  I could go out shopping all day, drink tons of water, eat lunch and not have to pee until we got back home that night.  Now all of a sudden I have to pee like 3-4 times during the night.  I think it could be because of my screwed up body clock...but I dunno.  

I act normal, don't hint at anything.  In fact, I had several adoption conversations with several people.  Lamenting about how I had no idea how we'd ever be able to afford another adoption.  "We can adopt another kid or we can send the one we have to college" I told my mom.  I ran two 5K's while I was there...and I was slower and couldn't run as far as I was used to running.  But chalked it up to a 3500ft change in elevation.  I also was surprised I wasn't gaining weight like a diabetic at Baskin Robbins considering all the junk I was eating ( wasn't junk...but I was eating bread and ice cream and a lot of stuff I hadn't had for a year and a half).  I just thought my metabolism had changed. 

Every symptom had an excuse.  Almost.  

On the evening of the 4th of July we got together with my family for fireworks on my grandparents' front lawn.  The fireworks STUNK.  Bad.  I never remember having such an aversion to the smell of them before...I actually kinda liked the sulfury smokey smell.  Not that night.  

I decided I would wake up the next morning and test.  I stumbled out of bed for my 4am pee and sleep-drunkenly rummaged through my suitcase to find the hidden test.  I slunk to the bathroom and did my business...and watched.  Immediately the first line filled in - didn't think anything of it - it was the test line, right?  Or so I thought.  Then the second line.   Then I realized that first DARK line wasn't the test line.  I stared at the test like an idiot.  "Holy Shit" was all I could say.  I crammed it back into the package, snuck back to my room and lay on the bed.  I pulled it out and looked at it again.  Still two lines.  I immediately started composing a Vox to Nathan.  Then stopped and deleted it.  I couldn't tell him.  There was a part of me that was SO SURE it was a mistake or it wouldn't stick anyway.  So I kept it a secret...for almost a week.   

I went to Bear Lake the next day with my family.  I was so nauseous.  I almost threw up changing Miles' blow-out diaper on the beach.  My family laughed at me and thought it was hilarious.  I thought for sure someone would suspect.  But no one did.  

Nathan flew in the following week and I still had no signs this was ending.  So I got a box to put the test in and a Big Brother shirt for Miles.  When I picked up Nathan from the airport it took ALL my willpower to not blurt it out.  We made it back to our hotel, I handed him the box.  He opened it, was quiet for a second and then said "Are you shittin' me?  Is this real?  Are you...pregnant?!"  His eyes were misty and he was in shock.   We decided then that we wouldn't let the cat out of the bag until we had been to the doctor at home and made sure everything was ok.  The next week was TOUGH.  We saw ALL of my family, and ALL of Nathan's family.  And I was SO sick...and exhausted.  But we held it in...which is pretty amazing.  

We hugged our families good bye, flew home, and the following morning went to the hospital for a pregnancy test.  When the nurse called me back and said "Well, the pregnancy test result was positive" I almost fainted.  It was real.  It wasn't a delusion.  We met with the nurse two days later for lots of questions on health and family history as well as lots of blood work.  

Tuesday July 23rd we had an appointment with OB to date the pregnancy (since I haven't been regular in 8-9 years).  We got to see the little, grainy flicker of the heartbeat and I cried tears of unbelief and joy.  Baby was measuring small they said.  ::worry::   Come back next week.  That was the LONGEST week ever.  I hibernated from friends because I was sure one of them would notice my giant boobs and my sudden aversion to chocolate.  Thursday the 1st of August we went is still small, but on track for where it was the week before.  So my due date was changed and I was told everything looked perfect.  As an aside...even my A1C looked good.  I used to be pre-diabetic and after a year on Isagenix my A1C is right smack dab back in the normal range!  

We decided then was as good a time as any so we announced it to friends and extended family via Facebook & Instagram.   We were BLOWN AWAY with the love and support we received.  We are very humbled to see how many people love, care, and pray for us. 

It still feels surreal.   My mouth has a hard time forming the words "I'm pregnant".  It's a blessing we are very grateful to have, but still can't believe we are getting to experience.


The Grush's said...

I have been waiting for this story! I am beyond excited for your family. I can't wait to see all the blogs about the progress of this. Once again congratulations. Now you can send Miles to college and he gets a sibling too. (unless this baby is a girl and is of course the next Amelia Marcos - taking after her mother, J/K)

Salmon Tolman Family said...

I can't believe you held the news in so long! what an amazing story!!! When I was pregnant with the twins, I took 3 home pregnancy tests and they all came back negative. It was so strange--so I went to the Dr. and did a blood test and I was definitely pregnant! I'm so over-the-top glad that you are, too!!!

Sheila said...

Incredible! I can't believe you kept it to yourself for so long, I'm impressed! But what a fun secret to share with Nathan for all that time before announcing. We are so happy for you guys, can't wait to hear about this next adventure! Congratulations and all our love.