Sunday, May 29, 2011

::Miles:: Part I: the back story

After Georgia, our hearts were broken.  I wanted to keep pushing but I was scared out of my wits that we'd have a repeat of the heartbreak.  Nathan and I discussed it and decided that we wanted children...and getting children in our home would be worth the bumpy road.   Shortly after returning home we were back to our regular Friday night activity of working in the Temple.  It was tough to be back because I felt like I shouldn't be able to be there...that I should be at home with a baby.  But the people we work with were SO wonderful to us.  Love was poured upon us and it turned out to be the perfect place for us to grieve and mourn and heal over the next couple weeks.  
On Friday April 29th we got out of the Temple around 10:30pm and I had a voicemail from Amy (caseworker from the Ohio & Georgia situations).  It said "I have a situation I want to talk to you about.  It's not urgent...yet.  Call me as soon as you get this."  We called her back to find out about a birthmom from Vegas who would be delivering in St George and was due May 20th with a baby, gender unknown...were we interested?   We told her we'd be willing to pursue it, but we'd see how things went when she went to the doctor a few the following week.  We wanted to see if she actually showed up (sounds harsh...but it happens) and then go from there.

We didn't tell anyone right away...we didn't want to be the couple that "cried wolf" about adopting babies.  The following week she went to her appointment and discovered that she was having a boy and that her due date had been moved to June 8th.  She was still decidedly determined that the baby was coming sooner rather than later and told our caseworker to find a family.  At this point she wanted a closed adoption.  Which means that we would know very little, if anything at all about each other.  She wanted the agency to choose the family.  It's not what we had hoped for in an adoption relationship, but we were by no means going to turn away a baby for that reason.  Amy told us she had been "saving this one for us" and that she thought it felt like the perfect situation for Nathan and I.  With the good news from the doctor's appointment we told Amy we were definitely in, and we pressed forward cautiously optimistic, but severely guarded.

The following little bit (the days leading up to and after Mother's Day) was rough.  We hit some bumps in the road and it looked as though this adoption, like many others, might not happen...but we didn't know that for sure so we kept hoping.  She (the birthmother) decided that she wanted to see our profile and possible some others so we felt like it wasn't going well.  We still told almost no one.  Our parents and a SMALL handful of others (like bosses at work, etc) knew.  Unlike Ohio & Georgia, we didn't buy anything in preparation for this situation.  In fact, we both felt like it wasn't going to work out.

On Tuesday May 10th I got a text from Amy that said "She is at the hospital in Vegas having back to back contractions, I'll keep you posted".  I worried...of course.  I didn't even know what was going to happen with this situation and so I didn't know what to feel.  Relieved that maybe the baby would be born and we could move on when she didn't want us...because at least we'd have an answer.  Worried about a stay in Nevada for ICPC (I'll explain this more later).   Concerned for her, hoping she was ok.  As the day wore on with no news I assumed the worst (I think 4 failed adoptions makes you do that), but late that night I heard from our caseworker.  They got her labor stopped and sent her home with pills to take every six hours to keep the contractions at bay.  She had a doctor's appointment the following Monday and her doctor in St George could assess the situation then.  We still didn't know where we stood...should we be preparing for a baby or not? 

Friday May 13th I came home from the Temple feeling totally at peace.  I felt like this adoption wasn't going to happen but everything would be ok anyway.  I told Nathan my feelings and discovered he felt the same way.  Amy told us the agency had a lot of new women considering adoption and she was hopeful we would find a situation that would work for us.  We waited for Monday to see how the doctor's appointment went and hopefully we'd find out then a definitive answer so we could move on...either with this situation or another. 


Ryann said...

Oh Holly-I can't wait to read part 2!

Me, Myself and I said...

PART TWO! Hurry up, woman! - not like you're busy or anything. Change a diaper with your left hand, type with your right hand, hold the bottle with.... Oh. Uhhhhhhhh

Lori said...

i agree with ashlie! :) hee hee