It is amazing. We spent the last three summers outside the Navy and yet over the last couple weeks I have felt like we never left. Summer is coming into full swing and that means I become a weekend widow. The Navy Band is a great gig...but it often means leaving family behind. I feel lucky because the longest Nathan has ever been away is 6 weeks. I don't think I could handle deployments that go on for months and months - you military wives out there who have done it, you are amazing! Nathan was on tour with the rock band this last week, so I was left to mind the fur kids all by my lonesome. I tried to keep myself busy by crafting (as you can tell from my last few posts) but in the still hours of the night I couldn't help but feel crushing loneliness.
I think it would help if I had a job, but I have not had much success there. I send off at least a couple resumes EVERY day. If I was gone all day having interactions with other humans then the few hours alone at home in the evening would be a welcome change.
Some friends would help too. I have made one friend, but I don't want to suffocate her so I don't call as much as I would like. I have met some of the other band wives but they all live up at the base (a good 45 minutes away) ...and you know how it goes, outa sight, outa mind. I can't blame them for not thinking of me...cause we've only met once or twice and I live so far away from them. They are not too hip on coming down my way because of the parking. :( Church hasn't produced friends either, hopefully someday...but none as of yet.
I think if we had children it would help because there would be someone else within the walls of our apartment that would NEED me. I would have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. The fur babies help...and having Besta is good because if it weren't for his twice-daily 'bathroom break' I would probably never even leave the apartment.
I am trying to keep busy because I have been doing well keeping my inner demons at bay and I really do not want them to rear their ugly heads again. Re-reading this makes me sound so pathetic. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or onery...I just needed to put my feelings down. Part of me thinks that if I get them down on paper (ok...not paper, but you know what I mean) maybe they'll get out of my head. If only it were that easy.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry that you're having a sigh day. When David is gone, even with kids, it gets lonely. I can only talk in Elmo for so long without going insane! My problem when David is gone, is putting off bedtime. I don't know what it is, but I put off going to bed into the wee hours, and then I pay for it. If I can make a suggestion, get out and walk...exercise...it helps! :) Wish I was closer, I would kill to only have 45 minutes in between us! Love you.
Even with kids you can feel trapped and alone because they're not adults. You really need adult interaction, even if it's at the crafting store. Perhaps signing up for some classes or something, or even teaching some classes since you're so damned talented, would provide some determination to get out of the house? When I feel alone I go to the store/mall; seeing all that humanity makes me grateful for the quiet moments alone. But some friends who could come over would help. Do they have Enrichment you could sign up for?
I understand. Maybe you could go to the local library and see if any fun lectures or events are coming up? Could you finish your degree now? (time, a bit more flexibility in your life, etc.) Is Enrichment night this month? Volunteer at the local pet shelter? Get a newspaper and see if anything interesting is coming up? ( can you tell I have been in the same boat?) We love you!!
You do not sound pathetic at all. I think that all of us go through the exact same thing when we move. It always takes a few months to find some friends. It sucks when you go through it but it'll get better!
And I agree with Abby-go to the local community classes and take something. I've met a few people through my photography class.
good luck!
Just so you know, I am so willing to drive 45 minutes to meet up with people. If you don't mind meeting up with someone with kids, we could meet where you are or half way?
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