Sunday, April 08, 2012

Unanswered prayers

You ever heard that song?  It's an oldie sung by Garth Brooks.  He sings about how he & his wife went to a hometown football game.  While they were there they ran into his old girlfriend and he remembers how he used to pray every night that "God would make her mine".   But as she walked away he looked at his wife and "then and there thanked the good Lord, for the gifts" in his life.  He then says that one of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. 

A year ago this week we had to endure the heartbreak of two failed adoptions.  A year ago we sat in the Savannah Airport as our hearts ached with the loss of a baby who had almost been ours...the second baby we'd lost that week.  A year ago I was sitting on a plane, from Salt Lake to Nashville and then Nashville to Charlotte and then Charlotte to Savannah...praying with all my might that this adoption would work out and we'd finally be parents.  A year ago we got off the plane and learned that we would be going home empty handed and our hearts broke into a million little pieces and spilled all over the concourse of the airport terminal.  

It wasn't the first time prayers of that kind had been left unanswered.  Fertility treatments for four years had always been accompanied by heartfelt prayers.  The first positive pregnancy test I looked at was followed by tearful pleading that everything would be ok.  The twin adoption situation was filled with long chats with the man upstairs.  And all of those prayers went unanswered.  Pregnancies were lost and adoptions fell apart.

Now, a year later, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for those unanswered prayers.  Yesterday I stood in the pouring rain and watched Nathan gently guide or sweet little boy across a field sprinkled with Easter candy.  I was grateful for the rain, it masked my tears.  Although they were happy tears I didn't want to have to explain to someone why the sight of this rain drenched crowd picking through soaked candy scattered in the grass had reduced me to tears.  If my body hadn't rejected those pregnancies or if any one of our four failed adoptions had gone through I wouldn't have been standing in the rain, on a Navy base in Italy, watching my husband play daddy for our baby boy's first Easter.  We wouldn't have our precious little Miles and I KNOW he is the baby that was meant for our family.  

I believe everything happens for a reason...sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.
~Marilyn Monroe

To my dear friends who are currently dealing with unanswered prayers.  I love you.  I'm sorry your hearts ache.  I remember all too well those helpless, heavy feelings...the long prayer filled nights with tear stained pillows.  My heart aches with you.  I truly hope that you will soon have the desires of your heart granted to you, but in the meantime take heart...just because God doesn't answer a prayer doesn't mean he doesn't hear it and doesn't mean he doesn't love you.  Keep up hope...although your good things are falling apart keep an eye on the horizon for your better things.      


Travis, Michelle, and Leah said... guys are awesome and Miles is such a cute boy. You said everything perfectly!! I too thank God for unanswered prayers!

V said...

It is wonderful to feel the bigger picture and see the (really, really horrible trials) in the grander scheme. That's for sharing this post. Profound story.

I really like the Marilyn Monroe quote too.