Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The art of rejection

Last week I was contacted by a company about a job. I interviewed on Friday and was told they would be doing round two of interviews on Monday. I was chosen for a round two interview and had that on Monday afternoon. They told me they wanted to move quick. They wanted to have the person hired and ready to go by Thursday. I had all the necessary qualifications. Accounting experience, event planning experience, reception experience. It was also located only 3.6 miles right down the street. It was perfect for me. I was perfect for it. I felt like I knocked the interviews out of the ball park. I was witty, charming, happy. I got good vibes back from them. Several family and friends said they had a good feelings about this job.
I was told I would hear by yesterday at three o'clock what their decision was. I woke up, went on my walk and began waiting. I was a nervous wreck, so I took a nap. I read, surfed the web, watched TV. Anything to get my mind off the ticking clock.

The later in the day it got, the more my anxiety went away. I could feel the cloud of rejection pressing down upon me, strangling out the hope I was holding on to. Three o'clock came and went with no call. I paced with the phone in my hands for ten minutes. I finally amassed the courage to dial the number for the call I knew would yield no positive result. The woman answered, told me they had 'Chosen another girl'. I respectfully asked for feedback. She said I was great, they just 'went with someone with more experience'. I thanked her and hung up. Immediate the tears began to well. I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed. I felt...rejected. I stumbled to the bedroom and cried for a while, allowing myself to feel the things I hadn't let myself feel. Feelings I had pushed away so as not to show weakness. I examined myself, searching for flaws. Was it because my hair was pulled into a bun? Was it because of my weight? My teeth? The shoes I wore? My outfit? I had all the experience they could have ever wanted. I knew I was being let down easy and I was angry. I thought I had the right to know the real reason why I was not chosen. I thought I had the right to a phone call to tell me so, instead of having to anxiously wait all day only to call and learn of my rejection in that way.

I made myself a batch of pity cookies. I thought they would help, but the sweetness did little to heal the bitter wound of rejection. I found myself unable to sleep last night. My mind wandered down the paths of self-doubt and frustration. When I finally found the slumber that eluded me it did nothing to cure my sadness.

I awoke today with all the emotions still frothing near the surface. I am exhausted from the job search. It has been four months of rejection. I feel like I need to do something else. Something that will heal the wounds left by the pain of repeated, constant rejection. Something that will lift my spirits. I will be on the search for just such a thing. I hope to find it.

11 comments:

Briana Ward said...

I am sorry, that just stinks. I hoe you have a better day today!

onedayatatime said...

My friend Michelle could not find a job either, so she decided to start subbing in the schools. She told them upfront that she REALLY wanted to sub, that she would keep her phone on her and that she would pick up right away should they call. (apparently, the schools can have a hard time getting people to pick up their phones. They all want to hear the message of where they'll be subbing, what grade, etc. and THEN they will call back if it is suitable.) She got a call, did a great job, got called again and again. A month or so later they hired her full time at the school to be an aide in whatever they may need for the day. She loved it. My old bishop's wife subbed for years as well and then last year got asked to work full time in the school office. She really loved it. Just a thought. At least it would be a job until what you really wanted came in. I know out here subbing pays almost $100/day.

Sheila said...

Holly, I'm sorry this job search is so frustrating! I truly hope that the wait will be worth the job that comes your way! I know it will, you're awesome and talented!

Anonymous said...

Holly - Perhaps you should look for something in the creative writing field. You have a wonderful talent for expressive writing - if you don't believe me, look back at your past blogs. Just a thought.

LYT,
Mom

Happy Herrons said...

Oh sweetie - I am sorry! Something out there is waiting for you - they probably had to hire the boss's niece or something

Ryann said...

I have so been where you are. After I graduated from college, I could not get a job to save my life. I got so sad that it actually fell into depression.

I really truly hope that you are doing alright. It is really hard on your self esteem to not be offered a job. I hope that the search goes better and soemthing comes up. Or that you start looking to do something else and that it yields better success. Good luck!

Adam and Marie said...

I've felt this before too after a promising interview. I never realized how big of a role much getting and having a job has on your self-esteem. I read the comment about subbing-it's actually a pretty good idea.

Abby said...

I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I hope this means the Lord has something even better lined up for you instead and when you look back you'll be so grateful you didn't get stuck with any of these other jobs.

Anonymous said...

Holly,

I am sorry his job did not work out, however, I still think there is someone out there wainting just for you. Keep your hopes up and please do not give up.

Grandma

Holly said...

I was really excited about subbing...I did some research and I found that in the state of Illinois in order to be a sub you must have a bachelor's degree. :(

Shaun and Emily said...

I could feel your emotion through the words in your post. Beatifully written. I hope you do find that perfect job... better than the "rejection" one. When Shaun was out of work I hated hearing employers explanations of why they didn't get the job. I always felt like calling up and saying "really what is the reason he didn't get this, just tell us". Wish you all the best. Hang in there!