So it's National Infertility Awareness Week. I've been mulling over in my mind what kind of post to write to help spread the theme for this year. As you can see from the pretty little graphic above, the "theme" for this year...or I guess you'd call it message. Ya, let's go with message...is 'don't IGNORE infertility.' For a while I thought about talking to women who are struggling to get pregnant...to not ignore the signs and get to a doctor quicker. But that didn't seem right. And then I knew just what to do, which angle to use.
Don't
ignore
your
infertile
friends.
I don't know what it's like to be a fertile woman...one who gets pregnant "folding her hubby's underwear". I don't know what it would feel like to have great news to share with someone that you KNOW will be hurt by your news. I don't know what that's like...but I do know what it's like to lose friends over infertility. I've had more than one friend decide the uncomfortable "we're pregnant...again" talk was so bad they'd rather throw away a friendship and just ignore me. I understand the logic...sort of. You don't want to hurt someone you love so you hold off on telling them something that will hurt them. But can I tell you something? They'll find out eventually. And when they do it will hurt worse that they heard from someone else, or via a Facebook status update, or a tweet, or a mass email. So put on your grown-up panties, suck it up and have the hard discussion. You can send a personal note, an email, make a phone call, or tell them in person. You know her better than I do...and everyone is different. I preferred to hear in a personal email, or a quick phone call; then I could cry in the privacy of my home. There will be tears. There are always tears. If you don't see them, she's good...but she'll cry them later. Not tears of anger towards you, but tears of sadness and unfairness and frustration. But I promise you she will LOVE you and cherish your friendship more because she will know you took the effort to be mindful of her feelings.
If you have a friend or sister or sister-in-law or cousin who is close to you...and she is struggling with infertility and you LOVE her and value the love and friendship you share... Don't ignore her infertility. Don't ignore her. Don't ignore your friendship.
If you want to read some of my infertility history..go HERE.
3 comments:
Holly, I've never met you, but I really appreciate you!! I love learning from you. I love that you are willing to share your life and story so that others can learn. I think we all have our struggles in life and they are all different, but if we close up and don't talk about them, we aren't helping anyone. I LOVE LOVE that I can learn from you so I can be more sensitive and loving to others in this situation. You are an awesome person--so talented, fashionable (you need to dress my family someday for a family picture.. I have NO fashion sense), honest and real! :) Love reading your posts and following your journey in Italy!! :) Tell Nate hello for me and give your handsome Miles a squeeze! :)
I have a whole group of women in my ward whom I don't have a relationship with because they are offended that I have the nerve to mention that what they say hurts me. (I was told I have to be the one to have compassion for them.) Ugh.
I'm sorry you lost friends over it. That makes me sad. :(
Amen sista!
It really hurts when someone withholds that they are pregnant from you until you are the only one who doesn't know and conversations shush around you and you look like a fool.
Mostly it has just made me feel like I wasn't a close enough friend to be told the news.
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