Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Um...tunnel, light??!?

Foreign adoptions have been having their problems as of late - and we had been watching them and hoping they would just iron themselves out. Well now it appears that Vietnam will shut down US adoptions too...September 1st. Guatemala put a stop on theirs April 1st - China tightened their requirements and now the wait is over 3 years... Guatemala was one of our top choices, Vietnam was next. China we liked, but both parents have to be 30 and we are not quite there yet - we were hoping to adopt from China for baby #2. Add to that the frustrations of Domestic Adoption and it's exorbitant fees ($30K...not joking) and wait times (2+ years) and you have one (well, in actuality thousands of) very frustrated couple(s).

It is SO frustrating. I feel like someone or something is out there 'heading us off' at every turn. This summer marks four years that we have been trying for a baby. FOUR. YEARS. That is over 1400 days of wanting a baby. Over 40 times of being heartbroken at not seeing that Big Fat Positive. Three lost pregnancies and four years later and I am so mad. With the way the economy is going we can barely afford to put gas in the truck and buy groceries - how are we ever going to come up with enough money to adopt? And if we do - I have to work two jobs just to pay the bills, and if we have to add childcare into the equation, well - forget it.

Right now I feel like bad luck is just nipping at my heels. I am a firm believer in Karma - you get what you give - but I am frustrated because I feel like I am generally a nice person and I try to be good to people... so all I'm wonderin' is: WHERE IS MY KARMA??!? Over the last few years I've put up with infertility, bad neighbors, car troubles, HORRIBLE bosses, health problems, the dentist (really, just awful...I hate the dentist), financial woes, kitties dying, bad ward, rude customers, etc, where is the light at the end of this tunnel?? I am so exhausted. I feel like I am on a Merry-Go-Round and it is going faster and faster and I don't know how much more of this I can take. The old saying goes that God never gives you more than you can handle...but what if you think He did?


Lori said...

sigh. there is no good comment for this post other than a big cyber hug and a "i'm sorry." i can't completely understand because my family trial was not waiting for my children. but, I have watched my best friend go through the same trial you're experiencing. i've watched it be physically, emotionally and spiritually taxing. i'm so sorry.

i can understand the feeling that the Lord trusted your "dealing" capabilities more than you did. makes you want to say "can I resubmit my trial requests??" hee hee. i'm not even going to say "it'll all be okay, the Lord has a plan." cause when people say that when i'm going through something I want to kick them in the shins and say "well, that doesn't help me right now, dip wad!"

so....although i can't say anything other than "i'm sorry" i'll definitely keep you in my prayers and hope that it all comes together for you guys!!

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwww Holly, you so deserve to have a child, I sometimes feel like you do as in where is my light at the end of the tunnel ? Keeping you in my prayers, Hugs Lisa