Monday, April 13, 2009

Close encounter of the homeless kind

I had my first real encounter with a (well I assumed him to be) homeless person last week. Yep...first of probably many I'm sure.

Nathan and I walked the 10 minutes or so the the Metra stop and when we got to the top of the platform I noticed there was a guy sitting on the other end of the long bench. I do get spooked easy when it comes to being safe (Remember Seattle?... My OCD manifests itself in all things safety related) so I picked a spot on the other end of the bench from the mysterious guy. We sit down and then it gets wierd: (I tried to spell out some of his funky pronounciations and slurs...an audio version of this would be WAY more entertaining, but this will have to do)

Wierd Homeless Guy: Hay, what's your name?
Holly: Holly (oh crap...did I just give him my real name??!?)
WHG: What's your frieeend's name?
Nathan: (leaning out in front...shouts in a gruff voice) NATE.
WHG: Whatcha doin?
H: Waitin for the train
WHG: You got kids?
H: Nope
WHG: Want one?
H: Someday
WHG: I tell you where you can get 'un reeeaal cheap. One dollar.
(It is about now that I get a whiff of what sweet smoke and realize this guy is baked.)
H: silence
WHG: See ov'a there, that grey buildin'?
H: Yep
WHG: No, see the grey one? ...Look... See the red one then white one then red one then tan then grey. Right?
H: Right
WHG: With all the ads, right?
H: Right
WHG: Lotsa babies. One dollar will feed them.
H: Oh
WHG: Sssshhhh!
H: silence
WHG: We gotsta be quiet. Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: Baaad people. They tried to kill my sistuh.
H: That's not good.
WHG: Nope. They spit in her cheeseburger. So I gave her twenty dollas. Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: Cause I'm her big brother.
H: silence
WHG: I tell you what. I like you. I tell you whata do. Go to the check cashing place. Give them twenty-five dollas. They give you three back and a pass. Good for all of it.
H: Oh.
WHG: You know where that's at?
H: Nope
WHG: Ov'a there. Under that sign.
H: Oh, ok
WHG: Sshhhhhh! Quiet!
H: Oh, sorry.
WHG: Know why?
H: Why?
WHG: They listenin.
H: silence
WHG: Know who I am?
H: Nope
WHG: The powleece. Backups comin.
H: silence
WHG: I gotsa job. You prouda me Holly?
H: Yep
WHG: Know where I work? AA giggles. For real. You prouda me Holly?
H: Sure, that's great.
WHG: You can get it there. Under that sign. See the sign? We meet there ev'ry night at six o'clock til nine. Coffee with nine sugars and three creams.
H: That's a lot of sugar.
WHG: giggles. Yep. You can meet us. You know how ta get there...turn 'round and go down tha stairs and go left. See the street lamps? Over there, the fancy lookin ones?
H: Yep
WHG: Over there. Go. Six o'clock. mumbles
H: Ok
WHG: Know who I am?
H: The police?
WHG: No. I'm Peter Pan. giggles
H: Oh (man this guy is psycho...he's on his second joint by this time)
WHG: I gots me some Reeeeeeces. I'm good with Reeeeeeces, huh?
H: Yep
WHG: You know the babies? In that grey buildin? I gots mine.
H: Oh. You got yours there?
WHG: Yep. Lexus. Porsha.
H: Like the cars
WHG: ...and Elizabeth
H: That's not a car.
WHG: Nope. Royalty.
WHG: Know who I am?
H: Nope
WHG: Stevie Wonder. He's like Michael Jackson and Prince. mumbles
H: silence
WHG: Where you goin on the train? Don't go to the city.
H: Why?
WHG: Baaaaaad people. They're listenin.
H: Ya, isn't backup coming?
WHG: giggles. Yep.
(Nathan has been trying to get me up to walk away for the past few minutes. We can see the train pulling up in the distance I finally give in and get up to walk away. Our little homeless buddy gets up too)
WHG: You read papers?
H: Sometimes
WHG: Here. Have this 'un.
H: No, that's ok. Don't you want it?
WHG: Nah. Here. (walks towards us...he hands me the Chicago Sun Times) See ya. (He smiles and I notice he has only a handful of teeth. He is carrying a bag of Vitamin Water and smells of sweet smoke.)

We got on the train and had a good chuckle over the whole thing.

5 comments:

ChristinaS said...

That is too funny. You be careful in that city.. that was a nice kind.. Imagine worse! LOL your too much.... Glad your back onlin.. how was your Easter in your new home?

JAG said...

That's pretty funny, Holly. I had similar experiences in Seattle on my mission. Many were at the bus stop. Keep safe, ok. love ya

Janus

Happy Herrons said...

See??? I TOLD you Chicago would be tons of fun (fun having a highly flexible meaning)

Abby said...

Oh sure, when I tell people I'm Peter Pan and to be quiet because the bad people are listening they just try to get me arrested. Jerks.

katiebear said...

I had similar experiences...however I was working on the schizophrenic unit of an inpatient ward. Awesome.