Wednesday, February 03, 2010

The Car Analogy

I stalk this blog about adoption...well it isn't ALL about adoption, and technically I'm not stalking because I have commented before. Mrs R is the author, it is about her life which happens to have two incredible (and heartbreaking) adoption stories in it. She is an awesome adoption advocate and I have learned a lot from reading her heartfelt posts.

I read awhile back where she told the Adoption Car Analogy. I remember it being one of the first times I got teary over the sacrifice a birth mother makes when she places her child. Here is the link and here's the text for those of you who have an aversion to clicking on links: (she is mrs. r and tyson is the first baby they adopted)

the car analogy.
a young man and a young woman are out on the lawn outside of a very busy street.
the child they are both responsible for runs out into the street. at the same time the couple becomes aware that there is a car coming at a very high rate of speed. there is no chance that the child will not get hit. the car is coming much too fast.
the couple as four options.

1. they can do nothing and watch the child get hit and killed by the car. the psychological memory of this inaction burned in their minds forever.
this is abortion.

2. they can both jump out and sandwich the child between them to brace the child for the collision. if they can stay together, there is minimal injury to the child. however, there is a 80-90% chance that they will split upon impact.
this is couples that try to stay together and/or get married because of a crisis pregnancy.

3. one of the parents can jump out in front of the car by themselves. injuries to the child are more substantial.
this is single parenting.

4. one or both of the parents and run out into the street and push the child out of the way of the speeding car and into the outstretched arms of a couple on the other side of the street.
this is adoption.

however, even with adoption, the birth parents always get hit by the car.
i imagined myself in this analogy, watching this wreck happen. mr. r and i were not the cause of the wreck. we are begging to be part of the solution with open arms and hearts. once tyson was pushed out of the way of the speeding car, we watched his sweet birth mother get hit by the car and his birth father turn his back and walk away.
but, what do we do?
do we take the child and run away?
do we rush to her side to try and help her?
do we call 911?
how do we help this birth mother heal?
collisions like this are happening everyday, in every stake and in every neighborhood.

for every 16 adoptions there are 1,000 unwed births.
for every 17 adoptions there are 1,000 abortions.

If you want to learn more about adoption, her blog is a great place to go. She does this segment every so often called Ask a Birthmom. She has a panel of birthmoms and she has them answer reader submitted questions. It is great to hear thoughts on sticky adoption situations straight from women who are at the heart of adoption. If you ever find yourself with a few extra minutes, or if you just want to get a peek into the crazy world of adoption...go here for some good reading.


Lori said...

i hadn't seen that post on her blog til now. thanks for the link, holly.

Happy Herrons said...

Her husband is our caseworker. I love what she wrote about 'fulfilling the measure of OUR creation.' Did you see it?

Amanda said...

I used this this week. Thanks for sharing!