Saturday, October 09, 2010

Better than expected

Today could have been a really bad day.  I dread this day every year,  and each year it comes and goes and over the four years that we've had to deal with this date some have been easier than others.  Last night was the Navy Ball and it put me in a good mood to deal with today.  Then today Nathan and I slept in (we were a wee bit tucked out from last night - we stayed up way past our bedtime), picked up our newly fixed Helga, went to lunch (sushi...yummy), took a nap... and it definitely didn't hurt that the weather today was PERFECT (I love Chicago in the fall).
Each year as the last few hours of October 9th pass away my heart aches knowing what could have been.  Then I think about next year, and hope that by the next time we have to face this painful anniversary we might be lucky enough to have a child to hold in our arms.  This year proves to be no different.  As I sit and type the deepest desire of my heart is that I can someday be a mother.  But I am also filled with extreme gratitude that today wasn't as emotionally devastating as it could have been.

1 comment:

Salmon Tolman Family said...

Reading about this makes me sad. I was just wishing the other day that I had a baby girl born in october. But that will probably never happen. And when I read that there was a possibility that it could've happened for you, but didn't, it broke my heart. I'm wishing and hoping for you...with a prayer in my heart and my fingers crossed!