Ok, so I got ahold of the restaurant guy and told him that if the offer was still good, I would love to take it. He said the owner would call me Monday or Tuesday to arrange a time for me to come in and fill out paperwork, etc, etc... I'm glad to have a job, but I still feel disappointed that I didn't get the lawyer job, like I'm some sort of failure or something. Although having the restaurant job will likely be a blessing once school starts...it will allow me to actually take some classes where the lawyer job would not...I really wanted that job, and the prestige that would come with it.
Depression is a tricky animal...if you have never had anyone close (I mean spouse, best friend, parent...) to you suffer from it, consider yourself lucky. I have been dealing with depression for almost 4 years...I officially have OCD, which in my case triggers depression symptoms...I was seeing a therapist weekly until we moved, and I'm even on meds for it - which I take religiously - but every now and then somethings sneaks up on me that throws me back into a mist of darkness. I know the best thing for me is to get out of the house and go do something, but it is all I can do in the morning to get up before 11 and shower. I know having a job will help but I am scared out of my mind to go back to work...I can't even explain the originations/causes of the feelings but they are there and it is hard for anyone who has never felt them to understand the powerful effect they have on your moods. Just thinking that I might have to go into work tomorrow keeps me so on edge I can't sleep...I know part of that is the OCD, because I have to have complete control of all situations...and a new job will bring new challenges and things totally out of my control. I have Ambien (which is great, by the way) but I don't want to create a habit of having to take drugs to go to sleep.
It is funny...when we decided to get out of the military and move I thought I would be able to leave some of those ghosts in Rhode Island...but somehow they made it into boxes I tried so hard to keep them out of.
1 comment:
Congratulations on the job! Just remember when you were so excited to get it and try to bring those feelings back. I completely understand the depression and the fear and anxiety associated with going to work-especially a new job. What I found that helped me was getting exersize and I know that is what all of the therapists and books say. But in my case it really helped. I truly hope it goes well and that you have a great first day!
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