Tuesday, November 23, 2010

More Adoption Myths

One thing that always surprises me is the wild and crazy myths that get thrown back at Nathan and I when we tell some people our hope to adopt.  There are so many misconceptions and incorrect stereotypes...I try whenever possible to help dispel some of these myths.  Here are some of the more common myths.  I got this list from HERE

Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.

Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can.
Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption.
Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child.
Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges.
It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption.
Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

1 comment:

Carlynne said...

As a mother who surrendered a child 30 years ago I have to say your last item on the list is not a myth. The pain of losing a child NEVER goes away. Although I've been reunited with my daughter for 8 years, there is still the pain of loss for the 22 years she was not in my life. I can now hug my adult child but the baby I gave birth to is forever gone. There are many, many more mothers who feel as I do.

And.... I've met many adoptees. The vast majority of them do have problems related to the adoption. They range from the constant questioning of who they are and where they come from, not fitting in with where they've been placed to serious psychological problems, substance abuse and suicide.

Just thought it's important to have viewpoints from others who have been involved with adoption for a long period of time.